Another lyrical update

It's amazing to me how some songs seem to sum up exactly how I'm feeling in just a few words. (I think the second verse is my favorite.) :)

"Breathe" by Anberlin
"This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist

No need to hide anything anymore
Can't return to who I was before

I can finally breathe
Suddenly alive
I can finally move
The world feels revived

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside

I can finally breathe
Suddenly alive
I can finally move
'Cause I realize"

"I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it."

This song has been stuck in my head all. Day. Long. (It's fun to sing when you're stuck in traffic!)

By the way, she's going to be performing with Owl City at the Atlanta concert in April... :)

Highlights of break so far...

(Okay, so I really like making lists!)

1. Hiking...here. What?!

Apparently, some pretty great trails exist like, 20 minutes away from my house. I've lived here for 7 years and never had a clue. I'm not exactly sure how this happened, but I am sooo glad I know about them now! Darren and I went on a nice 7-mile hike on Thursday, and it was seriously one of the most beautiful trails ever. See for yourself:

Gorgeous, yes? There are, of course, more on Facebook. :) I think I've decided I'm going to forget psychology and become a nature photographer instead. I'll just spend all my time in the woods, taking pictures, and living a happy life. Okay, not really. It's a nice thought, though.

God always tends to talk to me the most when I'm in the middle of nature like that. I just get so amazed at His creativity. I mean, everything from how the light reflects off the water to the different colors of the rocks...it's incredible to think that He actually bothered to think out every single detail. I always end up discovering some new analogy between life and His creation, and that's pretty cool to me. :)

2. Listening to music in the car with friends...especially Christmas music!

Tonight, I was with Darren, Quintin, and Tahir, and we spent the first half of the trip singing along to stuff like "Down" (of course) and "Whatcha Say" (it has become mine and Quintin's song for the time being. I love that kid!). The second half? Relient K's Christmas album, "Let it Snow, Baby...Let it Reindeer." In other words, pure awesomeness. I don't know what it is, but loudly singing "The 12 Days of Christmas" and "Deck the Halls" in a car with friends tends to make me feel really happy and Christmassy like nothing else. I love it!

3. Owl City concert plans?!?!?!?!?!

Uh, yeah. Owl City, along with LIGHTS (who I started listening to about a week ago), is playing in ATL on April 20. I'm going. You should, too. (In my case, all I can say is, thank goodness for Christmas money. Heh!) I am reeeeeeally excited. In case you weren't already aware, I really like Owl City. But I'm pretty sure you knew that.

4. Family!

My 5- and 6-year-old cousins are hilarious. They can be bratty for sure, but they never fail to make me laugh. At our annual Christmas family get-together deal at my grandparents', Eli was refusing to eat his ham because he insisted that it looked like shark skin. Um, okay. He also informed me that Copper the dog from The Fox and The Hound (which I still love) has very large ears that resemble steaks. ...Yeah, I kinda love him a lot. Levi, on the other hand, has a thing for cars. Like, really. As soon as he walked in the door, he was like, "Hey, Brittany," and proceeds to give me a 10-minute breakdown on every detail of his toy car. (He's 6 and knows more about cars than I do. Great.) Fortunately, I've become a pro at pretending I know what car-loving people are talking about (I've had lots of practice), so he and I get along just fine.

5. The Polar Express!

Well, this technically hasn't happened yet, but tomorrow, I'm going to see The Polar Express in 3-D with my family...at the IMAX I didn't know existed in my city? (I'm discovering all sorts of new things around here!) I am sooo excited. That is one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies. I love it!

So yeah, I'm thoroughly enjoying my break so far. Amazingly, I'm perfectly content still being at home (usually, that only lasts about a week. I've made it two so far!). I mean, I do miss everyone from Lee, but I am totally okay with the fact that there are still 3 weeks left of break. Still not quite ready to go back. I'm still recovering from last semester! Heh! This break has been good for me, though. :) Anyway, hopefully, there will be more Christmas break adventures to tell you guys about, coming soon!

"I'll be found in You...still standing."

"I am changing, less and less asleep.
Made of different stuff than when I began."
- "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser

I feel like that one quote sums up this year for me (if that's even possible).* I can't even explain it completely—it just is what it is. This year...I don't even know how to describe it. I have never learned so much within a single span of twelve months in my entire life. It has, by far, been one of the hardest years of my life, yet I can't call it bad. It has changed me so much. I am definitely not the same person I was a year ago, but in a good way. I'm wiser, more mature, and more aware of myself, others, and life in general. My relationship with God is different, too. It's closer and based on more trust than ever before. It's amazing, really.

One running theme throughout this year has definitely been adventure. Not just in the normal sense (though with a trip to Utah and Arizona, hiking, whitewater rafting, camping, and everything else, there was plenty of that, too!), but just life in general. Completely new experiences; never knowing what's coming next; scary, yet fun; never easy, but always rewarding...yeah, that's this year for sure. I've had to trust God like never before. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I trust Him 100%, no question. I've always trusted Him, but this year has brought about a new element of it that I've never had before.

I've cried more this year than I can remember doing in a long time, but I've also laughed more than ever. I lost a good friend for the first time, but I also gained so many amazing new ones. I had to make decisions that I've never had to make before, but through that, God reassured me more than ever. I guess there have been a lot of extremes. It's funny how it all balances out somehow.**

"When the world has fallen out from under me,
I'll be found in You, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees,
When time and space are through, I'll be found in You."

* I love finding songs that describe my life to me. It always gives me chills (and usually results in some pretty obsessive listening...). I have to say, I think the craziest one was when I heard "Lonely Tonight" by Matt Wertz last month (see my post from November 3). Everything, down to the exact month and length of time. So weird.

** There you have it--my standard, super-reflective, end-of-the-year post. I can't help it; I try really hard to not go overboard, but I have to be introspective on here sometimes. :)

Finals Week, Fall 2009!

Helloooo, finals week! Studying, deliriousness, dance parties (bubble wrap included), and squeezing in all the once-a-semester traditions we failed to get around to doing during the semester. It's a good time.

First things first: An amazing "I Hate Exams" dance party in the Tharp Third lounge!

Ohhh yeahhh!! "Party in the USA," "Whatcha Say," "Down," "Year 3000," and, of course, "Cupid Shuffle" all make for a great stress-relieving playlist that is so wonderfully typical of TH3. :) Add in the bubble wrap, and you have the epitome of awesomeness.

Second on the list: Trip numero dos to Jenkins with Christy, Kristi, Courtney, Jesse, Michael, and Justin!

It started with a random invite sometime last semester, and now it's on its way to making itself a tradition. Since hanging out with these three guys doesn't happen as often as I'd like, it's always a fun time when we get together.

Next up: Christmas party at Audrey's with about 20 of my favorite people!

A rousing game of "Boxers or Briefs" (a potentially awkward game if you don't know the people well, which fortunately isn't the case with us), plenty of Christmassy food, and lots of laughing and random conversations... It's nights like this that make me realize how much I really do love my life. I have the greatest friends in the world.*

As soon as I left the party, it was off to Steak 'n Shake with Christy, Kristi, Tuna, Jesse, and Josh for our traditional once-a-semester late night trip!

Sooo much fun--after we finally got Josh to commit to going! It was just like always, complete with Jesse riding in the trunk (and us nearly dying, thanks to Josh's driving skills).

Then there's today, which has included nearly freezing to death...indoors (seriously, I've been wearing a coat, scarf, and gloves all day and I'm still not warm), attempting to remedy this by going to Perkits for ice cream with Emily and Courtney, and listening to a bunch of random music. Oh, and semi-working on a computer project, too.

Two more days, and I'm outta here!

*I also re-realized how huge my friend group is. The ones at the party were mostly just the closest ones. How did that even happen?!

Thanks, God.

I'm thankful for my little brother's random humor, my mom's listening ear, and my dad's corny jokes. I'm thankful for meteor showers and mountain air and laughing under the stars. For incredible friends who are there to keep me smiling, even through the hardest times, and who keep loving me, even after seeing the good and the bad in me. For hiking and Owl City and driving with the windows down. For acoustic guitars and waterfalls and Steak 'n Shake runs after midnight. I'm thankful for the fact that I can write cliché "thankful" blog posts and feel okay about it. :) I'm thankful for autumn leaves and how they blow around and crunch under my feet, for Christmas lights, the color green, and warm, fuzzy blankets. For songs that describe my life to me, rainy days, and giant bear hugs. For violins and good movies and long conversations about nothing in particular. I'm thankful for late-night adventures and old friends and meeting new people.

I'm thankful for the difficult times because I've learned to fully trust.

I'm thankful for Your amazing, amazing love.

I'm thankful for knowing that there's a point to everything that happens in my life, and that You are going to walk through all of it with me.

Thanks, God. :)

These are a few of my favorite things...

They're all links. Click for more awesomeness.

1. Owl City
Um, yes, Adam Young is amazing. I've listened to this guy for about 4 months straight and I'm still not sick of him. It has got to be the most versatile music ever made. If I'm happy, it works. If I'm sad, it works. If I'm tired, it works. If I have tons of energy, it works. Big cities, the mountains, the beach...it just works. I still get really happy every time I hear the opening notes to "Fireflies" or "The Saltwater Room" or "Hot Air Balloon" or...any of his songs, really. So good!

2. Lonely Planet
This site is my new best friend. I discovered it while I was spending the past few days planning a trip to Italy for a class project. Anywhere you want to travel (which, at least in my case, means everywhere), it has all the information you need to know. Restaurants, hotels, transportation, cool things to see, whatever--it has it. And it's not worded in a really boring way. It's actually kind of fun to read.

3. Global Perspectives
...Because it's why I get to go to Europe this coming summer. Austria, Switzerland, and Germany, here I come! I am super excited. Obviously, I can't wait to go to see the cities and stuff, but what made me most excited was when I realized that I'll be in the middle of the Alps. YESSSS!!! (I know, I would get worked up about that sort of thing. I can't help it. Mountains are my favorite.)

4. The Annie Moses Band's Version of "We Three Kings"
Please ignore the fact that this is a video clip from TBN. :) I'm a huge fan of just about any sort of stringed instrument arrangement, and this is definitely no exception. Gorgeous.

5. Making New Friends
This seems to be something that has happened quite a bit in my life here lately. I'm definitely not complaining! I love having more people in my life. It makes things so much more enjoyable! :) I'm just hoping they don't turn into the whole we-hung-out-once-and-now-I'll-pretend-you-don't-exist thing. I hate that.

6. Sporcle
Hello, addiction. What could be more entertaining than 2,319 random knowledge quizzes that occupy your life for hours at a time? Yeah, it's a good time.

When I look at the stars, I feel like myself

It's almost 5am. I'm still up studying for this ridiculous theology exam that I have at 11:45am. Oh well...the meteor shower was worth it, I suppose. After all, what could be better than laying on a blanket, staring up at the stars, and laughing with some of your favorite people on the planet?

It was a good time.

Now it's off to a quick review, and then hopefully bed. Let's hope I don't die this week--I don't even get a full weekend to recover (thanks, Urban Outreach!). Thanksgiving Break, come quickly!

A few random ramblings

Confession: I just broke out the Christmas music.

I know, I know--it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I can't help it! I held out longer than I usually do, so I think that should count for something. I just love Christmastime way too much. A month of it is not enough! I'm especially looking forward to it this year. I'm not sure why, but I'm definitely more excited than usual! (Three words: The Polar Express. YESSS!!)

Anyway. Today, I realized that I definitely go to a Christian university. On my way to class, I passed a guy and a girl having a conversation in the middle of the sidewalk, and all of a sudden, the girl says, "You just need to rebuke those devils in the name of Jesus!" She was completely serious, and it's funny because that sort of thing is seen as totally normal around here. The Lee U Bubble--what can I say? (Bonus: I had two friends post Facebook statuses asking for "praise reports," and actually get serious responses. Only at Lee.)*

I selected my classes yesterday...sort of. I've been doing a lot of class-switching, which is super frustrating. Looks like I'm going to end up with Searcy again, just so I can free up a time for the new section Ortega might be opening. Ortega is so worth it, but I still don't really want to go until 4pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Oh well. Let's hope she actually does open up another section and that I didn't give up my better time slot for no reason.

A rather vague reference to my life: I was talking to God a couple of days ago, and this is what He told me:

"None of this is by accident. Everything that has happened has worked out exactly how it was supposed to, from beginning to end. I didn't warn you at the beginning because it was all supposed to happen. You are right where you're supposed to be."

Kinda comforting, and maybe even a little freeing. I still may not like it, but I feel more at peace with my life now. New perspective--check!

P.S. I really, really like The Weepies. Their music makes for a great rainy day/chill soundtrack. Some of my personal faves: "The World Spins Madly On," "All Good Things," and "Gotta Have You."

*Clarification: I have nothing at all against telling people about the cool things God is doing in my life, nor do I necessarily disagree with sidewalk girl (though I would never in a million years use that wording). It's just the fact that it's normal is really amusing to me.

"The eve of an ending..."

Lonely Tonight

Matt Wertz

6th and Green is a warm place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that I came to this town

'Cause I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my Maker in this cold moonlight

This is me on the eve of an ending
To what I've known's been constant for a year
And I'm so scared of this pain that I'll be sending
Sometimes I just want to run away in fear

But I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my Maker in this cold moonlight

No, I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now
And anticipation's been wearing me thin
And I just can't help but wonderin', baby, if somehow
We could tear these pages out and begin again

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my Maker in this cold moonlight
I just want to be lonely tonight
With no one around to see the sight
Of me lying here

'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
I said, this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
And I don't want to be lonely

But I won't be lonely tonight
Because my Maker's holding me

It's a list!

1. I really should be studying right now. Like, really. I have three exams tomorrow (one in every class), none of which I'm all that prepared for. However, I'm staying true to form and procrastinating like no one else can.

2. Speaking of procrastinating, I spent a fascinating three hours last night looking at the Bob Jones University website. (I was supposed to be writing a 4-page paper that was due today.) All I can say is, I'm glad I was always a normal homeschooler and was not forced to attend a school like that. I would be the most rebellious student there. No? Check out the "student expectations." Um, this is college. Aren't we supposed to be adults?

3. Today is the most gorgeous day ever, all of my friends are sitting outside...and I have to be inside studying. UGH.

4. I might be going camping this weekend. I'm pretty excited. It should definitely be an interesting experience. (Think: me, Christy[?], Kristi, Mike, Tuna, and Johnnie; a tent, s'mores, and lots of outdoorsy-ness. Yes, interesting.)

5. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate statistics?

6. I have my schedule figured out for next semester! I think, at least. Marriage & Family, Social Psychology, Sociology, Ethics, Benevolence, and MY LAST SEMESTER OF SPANISH!!! (I'm trying to make up for the horrible boringness of this semester with the two especially interesting psych classes. I'm excited.)

7. To everyone who keeps asking: I am not going to the Sadie Hawkins. I don't ask guys out, and I don't support Greek clubs. Thanks. :)

Enough of the listing. Back to work!

Lesson of the Year: Abbreviated

“Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as your eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say.“
- “Say” by John Mayer

Cliché as it seems, it has been, by far, the number one lesson of my year.

(I'm feeling at tad contemplative at the moment...)

The Milky Way and a Downpour

Listening To: Mona Lisa by the All-American Rejects

Sometimes, life doesn't go the way I want it to, God doesn't work the way I want Him to, and things feel really, really lame. It's life. It happens. It isn't fun sometimes.

That's kind of how things have been going lately, and quite frankly, it sucks. It isn't how I envisioned this semester at all, but it's one of those things where I can't do anything in the world to change it. (Trust me, that's incredibly frustrating for me and I have the random urge to just scream sometimes. It haven't done that yet, but if I do...I apologize in advance. :) Haha.) At the same time, though, God has been so amazing to me. I can honestly say that I trust Him 100%--completely, wholeheartedly, no question. He has done so many little things lately that just reassure me of His love and His faithfulness. I've seen 3 rainbows, a gorgeous sunset, the Milky Way, and a shooting star--all in less than a week (and I've desperately needed some reassurance from Him this week). Not only that, but I was feeling especially bad today, and He sends a HUGE downpour. I haven't seen rain that hard in a long time. I ended up randomly getting to play in it, and I could not stop smiling. It made me unbelievably happy, and somehow, I could just sense that it was from God. As small and insignificant as it seems, things like that are always the things that mean the most to me.

I just wanted to share that. I love the little things God does for me. Regardless of what happens in my life, I will trust Him--always.

P.S. I'm okay, and life isn't horrible or anything. It's just that some aspects of it aren't going so great right now, and they tend to overshadow at times. Overall, life is still good. :)

The Saltwater Room

Sometimes, I get a little obsessive about a certain song (and/or band), and I'll put it on repeat for hours on end, just because I can't stop listening. It's happened with "Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin, "Unsaid" by The Fray, "Come On, Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson (though I can't let myself listen to that one anymore, for various reasons...which sometimes makes me sad, because I do love that song), and who knows how many others. Well, my current obsession is "The Saltwater Room" by Owl City.

Oh my gosh. So good.

Fortunately, my roommate loves it, too, so she doesn't mind my listening habits too much. But for real--that guy is awesome. I'm not usually one to listen to electronica-type stuff that much, but dang. I can't stop listening to them (or him. Whatever. It's technically a solo project, but it sounds weird to refer to it as a singular thing). The girl's voice makes the song even better, and I love guy/girl harmony in general. Also, I think the lyrics are pretty wonderful.

Owl City's Myspace: myspace.com/owlcity

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usR7mMHUhlY

Um.

I logged onto Myspace a few minutes ago, just for the heck of it. I don't know why I still check it--I never get anything new on there anymore. This time, however, I had both a new friend request and a new message. Friend request was irrelevant. The message... Um. See for yourself:

Subject: Because breaking up is hard to do...
Message:after a "rigorously" brief overview of your profile, I jsut wanted to let you know that I've already married and divorced you in my mind..thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories, you will always have a special place in my heart :)

your ex hubby
moe

ps, you can have the dog and I will take the house in hawaii :)
pps, if you don't laugh, then its not funny, lol.

Umm.. Thank you? I've never seen this guy before in my life. Apparently, my profile re-publicized itself after I set it to private (this has since been fixed). But really, this guy needs to work on his pickup technique. A few points he should have considered:

#1: The obvious: It's MYSPACE. Enough said.

#2: Punctuation and capitalization are valuable.

#3: You don't know me, nor do you have any connection to me whatsoever. This, added with point #1, is kind of a major deal-breaker. It also adds to your creeper factor by a lot.

#4: If you are trying to hit on a girl, why would you tell her that you've divorced her in your mind already? That really gives her hope for the longevity of the potential relationship, don't you think?

#5: I better be getting a whole lot more than just the dog.

This gives me an idea: I should write a book for guys on how to go about their relationships with girls! I mean, I have plenty of real-life examples to use. I think it would have the potential to be a bestseller.

P.S. I found new music! Ever heard of Blake Aaron Guthrie? He's kind of like a Matt Wertz/Dave Barnes mix. I found him while randomly clicking around on NoiseTrade (I love that site). You can get his Love in Different Lights EP on there for free. Just FYI. :)

Almost there!!

Listening to: Check Yes, Juliet by We the Kings

Guess what? Two weeks from now, I won't be sitting in this chair. Or be in this room. Or this house. Or city. Or state.

YEAAHHHH!!!

For real, I can't wait to get back to Lee. I have already decided that sophomore year is going to be awesome. Even better than freshman year (which was pretty amazing). More friends, more adventures, better food (I think that, even with my limited cooking skills, I can still do better than the dining hall. However, that will be an adventure in itself, I'm sure)... Oh, and I'm sure there will be more awkwardness, too, but that's just by virtue of it being part of my life. Yeah--I am pretty excited!!

Oh yeah, I got a new camera yesterday. My dad accidentally broke my old one while we were at the Grand Canyon back in June, and it was kinda lame anyway, so he got me a new one. Yesss. It's a Sony CyberShot (which we got a pretty good deal on, thankfully, so we didn't pay the price listed), so all my new collegiate adventures will hopefully be captured in much better quality. :)

P.S. I still haven't come up with a name for the new camera yet. It needs one fast before one of the guys decides to name it. Last semester's open dorm night is proof enough that this is something that doesn't need to happen again ("My Butt" the puffer fish, anyone?).

It makes me feel intelligent

Listening to: "Love is Waiting" by Brooke Fraser

It's late.

I'm bored.

I should go to bed.

Since when do I do that, though? No, instead, I am sitting here reading You Suck at Craigslist, while laughing hysterically at the complete stupidity of some people. (Like I said, it's late. Some of them really are funny, though.) For instance, the person who is selling a new kind of surf-training tool (a.k.a. an ironing board?). Or maybe a touching true story about twin roosters is more your thing. Acrobatic midgets, maybe? Oh, how about non-creepy men looking to pay models in peanut butter?

Yeah. These people really give me hope for the future of humanity.

"And now I sing freedom for all of my days..."

God has taught me a lot this summer. There have been the usual (though more intense) lessons in trust and patience, but over the past couple of weeks, He has started to show me freedom and worship in a different way than He ever has before.

I'm not really sure how to explain it, but over the past year (and maybe longer than that...), I've struggled a lot with certain aspects of Christianity, and more specifically, the Pentecostal church. I guess I've been trying to figure out what is genuinely God and what is stuff that we've just thrown in along the way. It's trickier than you'd think, especially when you've grown up with certain things all of your life to the point where it seems natural. It's just a hard thing to deal with because it's about God. There are so many differing opinions and theological standpoints out there, and it's so hard to know which is right and which is wrong. I mean, who can you really trust about things like this except for God Himself? Anyone else could be wrong. I guess I just get scared that I'm going to be deceived by someone with the best intentions. It's something I've been praying about...a lot!

Anyway, so here I am in the middle of all of this confusion, and I head off to work a Church of God-based youth camp for three weeks. Whoa. If I didn't know it already, I am now positive that I am definitely not your typical Church of God college student. (Actually, I don't really claim any denomination these days. I just always grew up in the COG, so...yeah.) Even more than that, I'm not your typical Pentecostal college student. It's not that I don't believe in that sort of thing—I do. My views on it are different from those of most Pentecostals, though, and so is my worship style. When I was at camp, it was the norm to worship in a more, um, active manner, for lack of a better word. Don't get me wrong—I think that style of worship is fine as long it's genuine and done in the right context. However, personally, I have never, ever, ever been comfortable with jumping or shouting or anything else of that nature. This has always been kind of a weird thing for me, because I've always grown up around it and it has kind of been presented to me as the "right," most genuine form of worship, so I've always felt a little guilty for not being comfortable with it. (I've always heard the, "If you were at a football game, you'd be jumping and screaming and full of excitement for your team! Why can't you do that for God?!" My mental response: "Umm, actually, no. I don't do that at football games or anywhere else.") Anyway, so while I was working camp, I felt some pressure to worship in a way that did not come naturally for me. This was more on the emotional side of things, but I guess I focused a little too much on how I was physically expressing my worship, and all this led me to was a whole bunch of frustration and not much focus on God at all. I just couldn't help but think that if I just stood there and worshipped quietly, people would assume I wasn't worshpping at all. They sang a lot about freedom and in Pentecostal churches, freedom is usually equated with these more physical forms of worship. As I stood there, though, God started to show me that if it wasn't coming from my heart, then it wasn't genuine, and was, in fact, another form of bondage. I could hear Him saying to me, "Be still and know that I am God," over and over. If my worship was wrapped up in other people's expectations, then it wasn't really worship at all. He helped me realize that maybe freedom for me was worshipping in a more quiet way. I finally had to stop what I was doing completely, refocus on God, and just be with Him. In that moment, I finally felt at peace about the whole thing. I finally felt like it was okay for me to let go and not be tied to these things anymore. It was so relieving for me, to know that God was telling me that it was okay!

So. I still don't know where I stand on certain issues, and I'm still trying to sort through what's for real and what's not. But I don't feel guilty anymore. I'm me—I have to figure out what God wants for me and how He wants me to live. His plans for me are not going to be the same as those He has for my parents or my friends or anyone else. My personality and gifts are not the same as those of others. I have to find out how I fit into all of this, and it has to be okay that it's not going to be the same as everyone else. I know not everyone will agree with me, especially not on this issue, but I'm finally okay with that. I am so glad that God has given me peace about this. I can finally feel free.

The Camp Chronicles, Volume 2

Working camp, round two.

Polar opposite of week one. I had so much fun. I got to see old friends, meet new ones (yes!), and I went from having basically no interaction with the kids to spending 24/7 with them. They assigned me to be a co-counselor for the week, so I had sixteen 9- to 11-year-olds to hang out with, along with another counselor who just happens to be the same age as me (and is transferring to my college next fall. Sweet).

Let me just say that this week made me immensely grateful that I am out of that pre-teen stage of life. Ugh. It's like this weird stage in between child and teenager, so you basically end up with little kids with hormones. How fun. Between the bouts of homesickness ("It's...it's just that...I miss my shower." "You what?") and trying to get everyone showered and ready in time for dinner (this happened a grand total of one time. Apparently, punctuality is not a priority for 10-year-olds), it was definitely an adventure. Also, note to self: Don't tell your campers how old you are. On the first day, they were all asking, and so when the other counselor and I said, "Nineteen," they were all like, "Oh, I'm glad we got, like, teenagers! That means we can do whatever we want!" Um, negative there, little friends. This sadly meant that I had to be mean a couple of times, and I just don't like that. :(

Anyway, I am now home for the weekend and am heading back on Monday. Once again, I have no idea what I'll be doing, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see what adventures await me...

Birthday cake and camp food

Hi. It's my birthday today.

As strange as it is to think that I'm nineteen, what's really getting me is the fact that I only have a year to go until I hit twenty. Whoa. How the heck did I get this far in life already...? Half the time, I feel like I should still be in sixth grade or something (though I am immensely thankful that I am, in fact, not still in sixth grade. Once was enough).

Aaaaanyway. I spent Monday through Thursday working week numero uno of camp. Usually, working camp is fun and one of the highlights of my year. This camp was more like going through purgatory. For one thing, I get there, and the only people I know are a couple of guys that I met last year. Don't get me wrong—I love those guys, and I was really, really glad to see them. However, considering I had to share a cabin with girls, it would have been nice to see a familiar female face around. (Eventually, I did find two girls that I knew, but it didn't matter all that much because they were in different cabins.) Strike one. Strike two, I discover that I have been assigned to kitchen staff, which was entirely unexpected. And, okay, being on kitchen staff equals a ton of work and getting up a whole lot earlier than everyone else. Honestly, I don't mind the work, but (and this brings me to strike number three) if you don't have a good group to work with, you have a 75% chance of committing suicide before the week is over. Luckily, I was in the other 25%, but I won't say I didn't consider it! Everyone on this kitchen staff fell into one of three categories: #1, I completely disliked them (and I do mean completely. That's saying something, coming from me), #2, I liked them well enough, but I didn't really "click" with them that well (lack of things in common, I don't know. Of course, it's possible that this could change), or #3, they were pretty cool, but happened to be a guy who was like, obsessed with me, and was really overbearing about it. Considering I was stuck (really—stuck) with these people for about 12 hours out of every day...yeah. It got so bad, especially with those obsessive guys. I honestly almost cried one day. I felt harassed and totally trapped, because I could not get away from them. It was miserable. This on top of the fact that I hardly ever got to see my friends from last year (who I actually like) AND that I barely got any interaction with the kids (aside from the endless, "Chocolate or white?" Gotta love USDA, requiring us to force every single person to take a milk)... It was bad.

That being said, the next two weeks should be a whole lot better. I specifically requested to not be on kitchen staff, so hopefully that will be granted. Also, some of my other friends from last year who didn't work this past week are supposed to be coming back for next week, so I'll get to see them. :)

Stay tuned—you never know what interesting stories may pop up. This is my life, after all.

Summer itinerary, part 2

I should write in this thing more. Too bad it's a rare occurrence for me to come up with something that's actually worth writing about. That's what my journal is for. No one reads it but me, and I don't care if I ramble on and on about nothing (which I do a lot, by the way, as you can probably already see by this point in this particular entry...).

Anyway. I'm actually just bored right now. I realized yesterday that it was the halfway point of summer break. This made me extremely happy. Only 51 more days to go!! Needless to say, with my thrilling summer life, I am definitely ready to get back to Lee. Luckily though, the second half of my summer is supposed to be a little more exciting than the first half. Monday, I'm heading off to work camp for three weeks. That should be fun (albeit potentially awkward. Oh boy. Maybe I'll have something entertaining to write about when I get back, hmm?). After that, Christy and I are trying to work it out so I can go spend a few days in the wonderful world of Nashville with her (with the added bonus of possibly getting to see other friends from Lee? Yes?). My grandparents are also dying for me to come stay a few days at their house, so I'm going to do my best to do that before heading back to school. Oh, and Kristi was going to try to come visit me, too, but I'm not totally sure if that's still going to work out or not... We'll see, I guess. So yeah, I have some things to keep me occupied for the rest of the summer, I think. :)

Yep, lame update. Sorry--I had to cure the boredom somehow.

YouTube makes my life better

Has anyone else out there ever seen the show Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye? It used to air on PAX (which is now “I,” or something else equally lame), but I think they only air the reruns in Canada now. Anyway, it used to be my favorite show ever, and about a week ago, I discovered that pretty much every episode has been uploaded on YouTube.

Best discovery of my entire life.

I’m in the process of re-watching all three seasons of it and have been watching 2 or 3 episodes every night (look, I used to be freakin’ obsessed with this show. Finding it on YouTube basically made my entire life. Besides, I have to do something to cure my boredom). SOOO GOOD!!! It has been especially useful in getting my mind off of all the complications that have been going on in my brain lately. Ahh, I love a good distraction.

P.S. If you’re at all interesting in watching…
Check it out: SueThomasEpisodes @ YouTube (start with the pilot episode)

He speaks through cucumbers, too...

I’m pretty sure that VeggieTales is the most brilliant thing…ever. Seriously. It was a very significant part of my childhood, and songs like, “The Song of the Cebu” and “His Cheeseburger” continue to be part of my daily (or at least weekly) life. Really, I can recite almost every VeggieTales song circa 1999 and earlier (my mom eventually stopped buying every single one that came out, so sadly, I fell a little behind in my relationship with Bob, Larry, and friends). In fact, this evening, my friend Chad and I had this great little singalong to “I Can Be Your Friend” and “The New & Improved Bunny Song.” It was pretty awesome. Also, I still think God speaks to me through those vegetables (especially Junior Asparagus). No, really—He does! But then, God tends to get my attention in funny little ways (oftentimes via the shuffle feature on my mp3 player…), and that totally includes animated vegetables in a kid’s show. It’s so fitting for me, and hey, it works. I guess whatever it takes to get the message across, right?

Earth and dirt and You

Listening To: Wholly Yours (B) by David Crowder Band

I think I should learn to accept that my life at home is hopelessly lame. It's just a (rather unfortunate) fact. I had so much random energy today that I had to go outside and sprint across the yard a few times to get rid of some of it...and since when do I like running?!

I'm so tired of missing people. Sometimes, I miss my friends so much, I think I'm going to explode. Facebook is nice (and I am definitely thankful for it), but it's just not the same as actually being with everyone. I'm also sick of waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Story of my entire life. AHH! Two and a half months seems like forever right about now. Sigh. 68 more days.

Being alone so much gives me way more time to think and write. That can be a really good thing and a really bad thing at the same time. On one hand, I like being more in touch with myself again. When I'm at school, I get soooo busy and involved with social things (which I do enjoy) that I don't have as much time to be with me. I hate how I never get to write in my journal, or how, when I do, it's always kind of rushed and I don't get to think things through very well. On the other hand, though, when I'm alone so much, I start thinking and analyzing way too much. This is really problematic when it comes to specific situations in my life. I think and I analyze and I think and I analyze...and I over-think and I overanalyze...I get myself so confused that I hardly know what's reality anymore. This is especially bad when there is literally nothing I can do about anything for the rest of the summer. Oh, life! It feels like a mess sometimes.

I have to say, though, that God has definitely used this "alone time" to His advantage. It took Him awhile, but He finally got through. It's hard to explain completely. I'll just say that it's easy to ignore God when you have plenty of things to fill up your life, but when you're by yourself for a good majority of the time, it gets a little trickier. I somehow managed it for about a month, but the other night, I had to come to terms with reality. It was a little rough, but I feel like maybe now, I can finally start coming out of this ridiculous spiritual dullness/confusion/apathy/whatever it is that I've been dealing with for like, a year now. I feel a lot more at peace about things, at least. :)

The song "Wholly Yours" recently gained major significance in my life. I've always liked the song, but had never really listened to the lyrics. Man. That is an incredible song.

"I am full of earth

You are heaven's worth

I am stained with dirt

Prone to depravity

You are everything

That is bright and clean

The antonym of me

You are divinity

But a certain sign of grace is this

From a broken earth

Flowers come up

Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy like You are

You are everything

That is bright and clean

And You're covering

Me with Your majesty

And the truest sign of grace was this

From wounded hands

Redemption fell down

Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy like You are

But the harder I try

The more clearly that I

Feel the depth of our fall

And the weight of it all

And so this might could be

The most impossible thing

Your grandness in me

Making me clean

Glory, hallelujah

Glory, glory, hallelujah

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy, holy God

So here I am, all of me

Finally, everything

Wholly, wholly, wholly

I am wholly, wholly, wholly

I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You."

Wow. When I really listened to that song for the first time, it made me want to cry. I mean, how unworthy am I that God would give me so much grace, so much love? I can try so hard to be the person He wants me to be, to be holy like He is, and I do just that--I try, over and over and over. And you know what? I fail...over and over and over. I don't have the capacity to do it on my own. The past year of my life is proof enough of that. Yet God is always there, and when I start to feel so hopeless, like I am the world's biggest failure and will never get it right, He shows me that He's big enough for both of us. He covers my imperfection with Himself. I make things way too complicated. I don't have to become holy on my own; I simply have to surrender myself wholly to Him and He takes care of the rest.

"I am full of earth and dirt...and You."

On the verge of insanity...

Listening to: Carry On, My Wayward Son by Kansas

Ever feel like you're about to go completely insane and your only goal in life is to survive? Welcome to my life. Every single day, I am basically just waiting for it to be over because it's one more day I can mark off my calendar (and trust me, I am!). Wow, I sound depressed. Not depressed—just bored out of my mind.

REWIND.

Let's start that over. Actually, despite the absolute boredom and near-insanity, I've been kind of happy these past few days. I feel...content. (Ummm.. I've been having conflicting emotions, in case you can't tell. Going crazy but being content at the same time. Don't ask.) I'm still working on the whole patience deal, but I think I'm getting a little better...maybe. I don't feel quite as impatient, at least. Hopefully, that's a sign of improvement. Heh!!

So. One of the things I've entertained myself with these past couple of weeks has been reading some of my old journals. That's one of my favorite things, actually. It amazes me how much I've changed and grown in such a short amount of time. I spent most of my time reading through my junior year. Interesting times, that's for sure.. While reading it, though, I realized some things that had never occurred to me before, and gained some new appreciation for how God looks out for me.

Okay, this is the most boring post ever. I'm ending it now.

P.S. I am sick to death of rain. Seriously. I mean, I like it and all, but it has been raining for nearly the entire time I've been home, and I've been home for three weeks. Ugh.

Ping pong and patience

Listening to: Unsaid by The Fray

You know, I kind of forgot how much my life at home revolves around church. So different from my life at school. It's kind of amusing, really. Gotta love being a PK.

Anyway. So tonight, I re-realized just how much I love my friends here...and what it's like being the only girl around. (It's no wonder I was going crazy my first few days of college, not knowing any guys!) It was just a good night overall. Nothing terribly spectacular, just good. It was nice to talk to Chad again, laugh at Keith and Elijah's jokes, play ping pong (I don't know why I don't play at school more often--it's so fun), etc. I guess I've missed them more than I realize. I think I take them for granted sometimes, and I really shouldn't. In a way, they're like a part of my family. So in that sense, I'm kind of glad to be at home for the summer. They've started The C.R.E.W. (our drama team) up again, and I am really excited to get to help out with that! Obviously, it would be kind of pointless for me to re-join the team (though they asked me to), but I am totally up for helping out with it. I seriously miss doing dramas. It was such a huge part of my life during high school. Oh, changes.

I like when God speaks to me through other people. Mr. Larry taught the youth group's lesson tonight, and it was so relevant to me, though not in the way he intended. He talked about David, and how even though he had been anointed as king, he didn't immediately try to jump into it. He just continued where God had placed him for the time--as a shepherd--and stayed faithful to that. Even though he knew he was supposed to be king, he still waited for God to open up a way for him to get there when it was the right time. That was a good reminder for me that God's timing is best, and sometimes, I have to wait for the things that I want. I just have to be patient and accept where He has me right now. Everything else will come in time, when I'm ready for it. If I try and rush things, I'll end up screwing the whole thing up (and trust me, I'm pretty good at doing that). I just need to focus on who God wants me to be and what He wants me to do now, and leave my future up to Him. That's so hard for me, especially in this particular situation, when everything is so uncertain. Patience is not exactly my greatest strength (my roommate can attest to this), but God seems pretty bent on teaching it to me, so I guess the sooner I learn, the better. :)

By the way, I just discovered the above song ("Unsaid" by The Fray) hiding on my computer and listened to it for the first time today. I like those random discoveries, especially for songs like this. Good song.

Whoa, summer?!

Listening To: Skyline Drive by Mae

I have decided that I'm not really a fan of this whole not having a permanent residence thing. It is entirely too much trouble to move two and a half times a year (the half being Christmas break). I mean, really? And who knew I had so much stuff?! Talk about ridiculous.

Since being home, I have been doing some intense cleaning. If I had a crazy amount of stuff at school, it was double that left at home. My room was a disaster area after bringing everything in (see above picture). Seeing as there was no room for the stuff I actually needed/wanted, I had to go through and get rid of a ton of stuff before I could even think about unpacking. I'm still not done, but needless to say, it looks a heck of a lot better. Hey, I can actually see my closet floor for the first time in 5 years! (And sadly, I am entirely serious.) I'm pretty proud of myself.

I'm debating whether or not to throw in one of those standard nostalgic, introspective end-of-the-semester reviews here or not. Maybe I should just save that for my own thoughts. However, I will say that it was an amazing, amazing year. They say your freshman year is the worst. If that's the case, then my college experience is going to be absolutely incredible. I have made some of the greatest friends I've ever had in my life, learned some interesting (and valuable!) lessons, and, you know, I think I've become more myself. I like that. :) I'm excited for next semester (though I'll admit that I'm a little apprehensive, too, in some respects. I guess that's where trusting God comes in).

Anyway, it's late (or early?), and I have things to do tomorrow, so I'm out. Happy summer!

Thinking, over-thinking...

Listening To: You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift

I have recently come to the realization that I think entirely too much.

I was talking to Mike the other night, having one of our usual Facebook conversations about nothing in particular, and we somehow got on the subject of thinking and the random stuff I think about. Well, now I can't stop thinking about those things. For example, the concept of Opposite Day has eluded me my whole life. I mean, if you actually say the opposite for everything, you end up saying something that's not really the opposite of what you mean at all. Like, for "Everything is beautiful," you would say, "Nothing isn't ugly," which doesn't really make sense at all. At least, it definitely isn't the opposite in meaning, which would be "Nothing is beautiful," or maybe, "Everything is ugly." But then you aren't really using opposites. Not only that, but how can you even tell someone that it's Opposite Day? If you say, "Today is Opposite Day," on Opposite Day, then by the very nature of Opposite Day, you're saying it's not really Opposite Day at all. But if you tell people that it's not Opposite Day, then everyone will be confused and everything you say will get taken the wrong way. (Oh, and "Today is Opposite Day"...what's the opposite of that, anyway?! "Yesterday wasn't a regular day?" That doesn't even make sense!) It's just a big problem, enough of one that I think Opposite Day should be abolished forever.

Another thing I've thought about a lot throughout my life is thinking! There's one that is guaranteed to give you a headache. Just count on it. Seriously, how the heck do we think? It doesn't make sense. Yeah, so there's a bunch of chemical reactions going on and electricity and whatever, but how does that form a concept in your mind? Not only that, but how can you think in concepts, even when you can't put it into words? I don't get it. That used to frustrate me to no end when I was a kid. And by kid, I mean like 5 years old. What 5-year-old thinks about this stuff?!?

Oh, and feelings! Where do they come from? How is it possible to physically feel an emotion? When you're sad, why do you feel a literal pain in your heart? Or when you like someone, why does it feel so weird in your stomach? Where does that come from?!

I don't just think about stupid random stuff, though. I think about people a lot. I like people. I like their differences and similarities and how they interact with each other. I like watching groups of friends, how each person within the group is a totally unique individual, yet there's this general nature or personality of the group as a whole that each person contributes to. I like how total opposites can complement each other and get along perfectly. I like how complex we all are, yet somehow fit together. People are just so cool. That's why I like studying personalites. I gave my whole family something similar to the MBTI test the other day, just for my own amusement. It was so interesting! Like, me and my brother were literally exact opposites (I'm an ENFJ; he's an ISTP). How did that happen? We both grew up in the same house, were raised the same way...yet we're completely different people. So cool. And just look at my group of friends--talk about diversity! We all have very different personalities, talents, and interests, yet we get along incredibly well. I love it!

Something else: How one tiny action on the part of one person can end up affecting another person's life in major ways with this ripple effect kind of thing. Small-scale example: When I was a lot younger, my musical tastes were very limited. There wasn't much range at all; it was pretty much confined to pop-related stuff. Well, I started liking this guy, and his tastes were definitely different than mine. In an effort to have more in common with him, I started trying to listen to some of his music, which introduced me to a lot of new artists. That just had this ripple effect to create my current musical tastes, which are very diverse. If my tastes had never been broadened, I never would have heard a ton artists that I now love. I never would have listened to so many songs that God has used in my life. And God definitely uses music in my life. He speaks to me through songs a lot, and those songs have helped me through a lot of difficult times. But that never would've been possible had I not liked that guy. (Okay, maybe that was sort of a lame example, but you get the idea.)

I also think about my own life and how everything interrelates. That's just a God-thing, in my opinion. It's so cool to look back at different experiences and to be able to see at least part of the reasoning behind why each thing happened. I'm going blank on examples right now, but trust me, there have been countless ones. I like thinking about this in regards to other people's lives, too.

Oh, good grief. Now I've set off about a zillion thought processes in my mind. Excuse me while I go ponder on all of this for the next 3 hours.

Laughter is the best medicine.

"A happy heart is like good medicine." 

~ Proverbs 17:22a 

That's probably one of the truest things I can think of right now. My stomach hurts from laughing so much tonight. (Have I ever mentioned that I love, love, love my friends?!? They are so wonderful...I'm so, so blessed to have them in my life. I seriously couldn't ask for a better group of friends. We're pretty much awesome.)

Tonight, we went to the Shenanigans improv show (congrats to Diff, Lauren, Richard, Harrison, and the rest of the crew--you guys did great!), then to Jazzy's (another reason my stomach hurts--I seriously need to stop getting their coffee...forever), where we sat outside the mail room for awhile, which we haven't done in what seems like forever. After that, we decided to head to Tharp and bake cookies and muffins, since the guys can officially come into the 2nd floor lounge. That was a good plan. I laughed so much tonight. It felt so good, just being in there with all of them. I like how I'm pretty much completely comfortable with most people here now. It's such a great feeling, knowing you can be yourself (even when it's completely lame) and they'll still love you.

Another funny thing: The complete irony of the situation. Last semester, the night of the Shenanigans show was the craziest night of my LIFE (or close enough). I was so confused, and entirely unhappy. Ha! I don't think I'll ever forget that. It's hilarious now, but man. Just all the awkwardness between me and a certain other person...ugh. Tonight? Total opposite. We are totally cool now, and I love that. We can joke around and carry on a legit conversation with no awkwardness! Thank. God. And I mean that literally--thank God! It was definitely all Him.

I am so happy right now. I like the feeling of being completely content and happy with life. It's nice to know God is looking out for me. :)

My Life and Thoughts: The Short Version.

Listening To: Enough For Now by The Fray

Every "normal" entry I try to write feels too weird and introspective and reminds me of someone I do not want to be compared to. Heh! Since I don't have much to say that I can go into any real detail on, here's the short version. 

A few quick points...

• I have recently discovered that some friendships aren't worth maintaining. I'm starting to see how it's a good thing that God took the relationship away. I am so over it. Sometimes, being acquaintances is better. (Even if it is a little awkward.)

• Taking things one day at a time is a good idea. Sometimes, though, I wish I could press the fast-forward button on life. But then, that would mean some of the greatest moments of life would never happen. The wait is a huge part of what makes them great, I think. That's hard to remember when you're still in the process of the wait.

• The words I speak matter so much. I can never know how they will affect someone, and once you say them, it's done--you can't ever take them back. I realized a few days ago that I am way too flippant with what I say. I can say something negative about someone and then realize that they're standing right behind me. Even if the particular person isn't around, I don't know who will hear what I say. I mean, have you ever realized how many random, unexpected connections there are between people? What if I say something bad about someone to someone else and it turns out those two are best friends who have known each other for years? Not only that, but words have major power. A mindless comment can change someone's life. Literally.

• You never, ever, ever know what other people are going through. Treat them well. Always.

• To go along with that, since when does someone being different than me give me the right to treat them with less respect? Just wondering, because I'm finding that it's the norm to talk about, degrade, and ignore those who are less "socially acceptable," and I'm not seeing how that's okay. I am such a jerk for allowing myself to be blinded to that fact and even participate. That stops here--people are people. We all deserve to be loved and respected. I want to be accepted for who I am, quirks and all (because I definitely have my share). I think I owe the rest of the world that courtesy, too.

Just a few things to remember. That's all.

P.S. Spring break has been good, but I wouldn't object to seeing my friends. :) However, I haven't been quite so anxious to get back as usual. I think that's a good thing.

Small enough?

Listening To: Breakdown by Mae

I feel like I've been more private than usual lately. There's just all this random stuff going on in my head, but I don't feel like I can fully explain any of it without sounding ridiculous. So I don't. It makes me so thankful that I can trust God with it.

I had a hard time going to sleep last night, due to a combination of Jazzman's crack coffee and a brain on overdrive. I eventually just grabbed Houston and started listening to music, hoping it would relax me some. (FYI, Houston is my Zune, for those of you who didn't know.) A song I had never heard before came on at one point. It was called "Small Enough" by Nichole Nordeman. One thing I like about listening to music at night--it gives me a chance to really listen to it. I appreciate the music so much more, and I can finally listen to the lyrics more closely. In other words, it's when it becomes more than just background noise. Anyway, I started listening to this song, and the lyrics were really profound to me (besides, it's just a beautiful song in general).

"Oh, great God
Be small enough to hear me now
There were times when I was crying
From the dark of Daniel’s den
I had asked you once or twice
If you would part the sea again
Tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
Just want to know You’re gonna hold me if I start to cry

Oh, great God
Be small enough to hear me now

Oh, great God
Be close enough to feel You now
(Oh, great God, be close to me)
There have been moments
When I could not face Goliath on my own
And how could I forget
We marched around our share of Jerichos
But I will not be setting out
A fleece for you tonight
Just wanna know that everything will be alright

Oh, great God
Be close enough to feel me now
All praise and all the honor be
To the God of ancient mysteries
Whose every sign and wonder
Turn the pages of our history
But tonight my heart is heavy
And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer
Are you there?

And I know you could leave writing
On the wall that’s just for me
Or send wisdom while I’m sleeping
Like in Solomon’s sweet dreams
But I don’t need the strength of Sampson
Or a chariot in the end
Just wanna know that you still know
How many hairs are on my head

Oh, great God
(Are you small enough?)
Be small enough to hear me now"

I thought that was a really interesting concept. Of course God is big--we know all the great things He can do. We know how powerful He is, how majestic, everything like that. But is He small enough to relate to us? To understand us, to care about the silly little things in our lives? It amazes me that the answer is yes. It's so reassuring to know that He isn't going to get annoyed with me if I keep going to Him about the same stupid thing over and over again. The way He sees it, if it matters that much to me, then it matters that much to Him. Yet He's GOD. Big enough to handle my problems, and small enough to care. How awesome is that?!?

Snowflakes and Cran-Raspberry Juice

God is so amazing.

Just thought I'd throw that out there. I feel like my relationship with Him has been so much better than it was last semester. I guess maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm more adjusted to college life and stuff like that, but whatever the reason is, I'm definitely glad! He has blessed me so much. A couple of examples...

Example #1: This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a really long time. After 2 weeks of feeling like I was going to go insane, it was pretty refreshing! (Insert random thought: I don't think I like the fact that every semester is going to be different. I liked the people I was with all the time last semester. I don't want that to change.) It actually ended up being a fairly busy weekend, and the fact that it was homework-free just made it even better! (Well, okay--I had homework, I just didn't do it. And I am completely okay with that fact.) I had my first motorcycle ride, my first racquetball lesson, and got to hang out with some of my favorite guys, who I have not seen much lately and have missed a significant amount! Along with plenty of time with the guys, I also had a nice amount of girl-time, so I think it was getting pretty close to being the perfect balance.

Example #2: It snowed today! It wasn't just flurries, either. It snowed pretty hard nonstop from about 10:30am until um...I'll take a guess and say 2:30pm. (It was at some point during my 2-hour nap. Ah, I love college!) It was so pretty, and just made me really happy overall, even if it didn't stick that much. I have to admit, when I woke up to rain this morning, I wondered how great of a day it was going to be. However, I am infinitely thankful for rainboots. One of the things I hate most in the world is having the bottoms of my jeans get wet and having to feel that cold wetness against my legs whenever I sit down. Now that I have rainboots, though, I do not have to live with such issues in my life, and that makes me happy. (You know, now that I think about it, I guess that was really two examples in one... Oh well.)


Anyway, I'm sure I could go on forever with my examples, but those two were the most significant to me at the moment (I like God in the day to day stuff--it just makes me happy and love Him even more!).

Oh, I bought juice today. I've been in the mood for juice lately, so when Kristi and I went to Wal-mart (in search of racquetball raquets. Those things are amazingly hard to find! We were told we'll have to go all the way to Chatt, which is completely ridiculous. Anyway, yeah, we decided to use the same approach with raquetball as we used with pool. Practice makes perfect!), I decided to get some Cran-Raspberry juice. Sooo good. As I headed to check out, however, I realized that I was buying a jug of juice and own a grand total of zero cups to drink it out of. So I also purchased my first cup for 74¢. Gotta love Wally World.

Okay, I think I've rambled for long enough.

Bye.

Initially speaking...

Listening To: Cinema Paradiso (Se) by Josh Groban

I've been in such a writing mood lately. I'm not sure why. And I've been in the typing-writing mood, not handwriting. It's funny--they're two different things for me. So, hence the reason I am starting this blog. I don't know who is ever going to read it, but hey. If I can get it out, I'm okay with that.

I am so excited to be going back to school in five days. Really, I can't even tell you how much I've missed all my friends. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to being able to text 5,000 people and say, "Jazzman's at 9pm?" Hanging out in the post office. Spontaneous trips to Walmart, McDonald's, and Steak & Shake. Medlin Movie Madness (oh yes...we are reinstating it!). Heck, right now, I'm even missing the daily grind of going to class, doing homework, eating in the dining hall... Wow, I think I'm losing my mind!

I'm also noticing that home seems to mean something else for me than it does for everyone else. Most people are not looking forward to leaving home and coming back to school. Or if they are, they have mixed feelings about it. (Like, two exceptions here.) I have halfway mixed feelings about leaving my family again, but that's about it. I don't get homesick. Ever. I always feel like I haven't been away long enough. I wonder if that will ever change? A week is about the longest of my preferred break lengths. I just prefer not to think about summer at all. Heh!

I'm curious to see if anything will have changed when we get back. By "anything," I mean all this crazy relationship-related drama that we had going on at the end of last semester. Seriously, I hope so. I just need some good, normal friendship. Enough of this who-likes-who stuff. And enough of the awkwardness!

Moving to the opposite end of the spectrum, I went out to eat with my family tonight. It was nice to spend that time with them. I'm glad I changed my attitude since our last family outing like that. Ugh! I'm working on it. I'm trying to change in so many ways...it's hard to remember what's what, but I think I'm doing okay. I hope so anyway. But it's stuff like that that I miss, I guess. I miss seeing them and talking to them and laughing with them. Yet those moments seem to come so few and far between, and you know, I'm really not sure why. I guess we all tend to get wrapped up in our own little worlds and don't really think about what else we're missing out out.

That being said, I'm going to end this and join "their world," so to speak. :) We'll see how well I actually keep up with this thing.

Much love, xoxo, all that.