Drench

This sums up my feelings
pretty accurately.

Listening to: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers
This song is so happy and so catchy and I love it. That's all.

You guys. How can something so simple be so addictive?

DRENCH.*

It's giving me brief moments of sanity while working on a take home exam that consists of 9 essay questions, all of which must be answered with a single-spaced page. Each. That's the equivalent of 18 double-spaced pages. Aaaaand it's due Monday, with 3 other major projects due on Tuesday.

Updates soon (assuming I survive the weekend).

*I cannot be held responsible for any loss of productivity you might experience.

An uneventful life doesn't make for good blogging.

Listening to: "Hero" by Regina Spektor

Obviously, blogging has not been my forte lately. Oops. Maybe my life will suddenly become more eventful so I'll have things to write about. Or maybe I'll just have to post random things every now and then until spring. Either way. Until then, you can watch this.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Most. Boring. Valentine's Day. Ever.

Seriously, I'm amazed I'm still functioning right now. I was pretty sure I was going to go crazy about 4 hours ago. I mean, it's not like I usually have a date or anything, and I'm typically pretty okay with that. But geez, I normally have something to do!

What My Day Has Consisted of Thus Far:

1. Church. (1 hour)

2. Walking back from church in the snow. (10 minutes)

3. Nap. (2 1/2 hours)

4. Sitting in my room, bored out of mind. (Uhh, 7 hours. Straight.)

I've been in my room ever since 12pm and have spoken to a grand total of three people. Please forgive me if I have gone insane by tomorrow.

These are a few of my favorite things...

They're all links. Click for more awesomeness.

1. Owl City
Um, yes, Adam Young is amazing. I've listened to this guy for about 4 months straight and I'm still not sick of him. It has got to be the most versatile music ever made. If I'm happy, it works. If I'm sad, it works. If I'm tired, it works. If I have tons of energy, it works. Big cities, the mountains, the beach...it just works. I still get really happy every time I hear the opening notes to "Fireflies" or "The Saltwater Room" or "Hot Air Balloon" or...any of his songs, really. So good!

2. Lonely Planet
This site is my new best friend. I discovered it while I was spending the past few days planning a trip to Italy for a class project. Anywhere you want to travel (which, at least in my case, means everywhere), it has all the information you need to know. Restaurants, hotels, transportation, cool things to see, whatever--it has it. And it's not worded in a really boring way. It's actually kind of fun to read.

3. Global Perspectives
...Because it's why I get to go to Europe this coming summer. Austria, Switzerland, and Germany, here I come! I am super excited. Obviously, I can't wait to go to see the cities and stuff, but what made me most excited was when I realized that I'll be in the middle of the Alps. YESSSS!!! (I know, I would get worked up about that sort of thing. I can't help it. Mountains are my favorite.)

4. The Annie Moses Band's Version of "We Three Kings"
Please ignore the fact that this is a video clip from TBN. :) I'm a huge fan of just about any sort of stringed instrument arrangement, and this is definitely no exception. Gorgeous.

5. Making New Friends
This seems to be something that has happened quite a bit in my life here lately. I'm definitely not complaining! I love having more people in my life. It makes things so much more enjoyable! :) I'm just hoping they don't turn into the whole we-hung-out-once-and-now-I'll-pretend-you-don't-exist thing. I hate that.

6. Sporcle
Hello, addiction. What could be more entertaining than 2,319 random knowledge quizzes that occupy your life for hours at a time? Yeah, it's a good time.

It makes me feel intelligent

Listening to: "Love is Waiting" by Brooke Fraser

It's late.

I'm bored.

I should go to bed.

Since when do I do that, though? No, instead, I am sitting here reading You Suck at Craigslist, while laughing hysterically at the complete stupidity of some people. (Like I said, it's late. Some of them really are funny, though.) For instance, the person who is selling a new kind of surf-training tool (a.k.a. an ironing board?). Or maybe a touching true story about twin roosters is more your thing. Acrobatic midgets, maybe? Oh, how about non-creepy men looking to pay models in peanut butter?

Yeah. These people really give me hope for the future of humanity.

Earth and dirt and You

Listening To: Wholly Yours (B) by David Crowder Band

I think I should learn to accept that my life at home is hopelessly lame. It's just a (rather unfortunate) fact. I had so much random energy today that I had to go outside and sprint across the yard a few times to get rid of some of it...and since when do I like running?!

I'm so tired of missing people. Sometimes, I miss my friends so much, I think I'm going to explode. Facebook is nice (and I am definitely thankful for it), but it's just not the same as actually being with everyone. I'm also sick of waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Story of my entire life. AHH! Two and a half months seems like forever right about now. Sigh. 68 more days.

Being alone so much gives me way more time to think and write. That can be a really good thing and a really bad thing at the same time. On one hand, I like being more in touch with myself again. When I'm at school, I get soooo busy and involved with social things (which I do enjoy) that I don't have as much time to be with me. I hate how I never get to write in my journal, or how, when I do, it's always kind of rushed and I don't get to think things through very well. On the other hand, though, when I'm alone so much, I start thinking and analyzing way too much. This is really problematic when it comes to specific situations in my life. I think and I analyze and I think and I analyze...and I over-think and I overanalyze...I get myself so confused that I hardly know what's reality anymore. This is especially bad when there is literally nothing I can do about anything for the rest of the summer. Oh, life! It feels like a mess sometimes.

I have to say, though, that God has definitely used this "alone time" to His advantage. It took Him awhile, but He finally got through. It's hard to explain completely. I'll just say that it's easy to ignore God when you have plenty of things to fill up your life, but when you're by yourself for a good majority of the time, it gets a little trickier. I somehow managed it for about a month, but the other night, I had to come to terms with reality. It was a little rough, but I feel like maybe now, I can finally start coming out of this ridiculous spiritual dullness/confusion/apathy/whatever it is that I've been dealing with for like, a year now. I feel a lot more at peace about things, at least. :)

The song "Wholly Yours" recently gained major significance in my life. I've always liked the song, but had never really listened to the lyrics. Man. That is an incredible song.

"I am full of earth

You are heaven's worth

I am stained with dirt

Prone to depravity

You are everything

That is bright and clean

The antonym of me

You are divinity

But a certain sign of grace is this

From a broken earth

Flowers come up

Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy like You are

You are everything

That is bright and clean

And You're covering

Me with Your majesty

And the truest sign of grace was this

From wounded hands

Redemption fell down

Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy like You are

But the harder I try

The more clearly that I

Feel the depth of our fall

And the weight of it all

And so this might could be

The most impossible thing

Your grandness in me

Making me clean

Glory, hallelujah

Glory, glory, hallelujah

You are holy, holy, holy

All heaven cries, 'Holy, holy God'

You are holy, holy, holy

I wanna be holy, holy God

So here I am, all of me

Finally, everything

Wholly, wholly, wholly

I am wholly, wholly, wholly

I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You."

Wow. When I really listened to that song for the first time, it made me want to cry. I mean, how unworthy am I that God would give me so much grace, so much love? I can try so hard to be the person He wants me to be, to be holy like He is, and I do just that--I try, over and over and over. And you know what? I fail...over and over and over. I don't have the capacity to do it on my own. The past year of my life is proof enough of that. Yet God is always there, and when I start to feel so hopeless, like I am the world's biggest failure and will never get it right, He shows me that He's big enough for both of us. He covers my imperfection with Himself. I make things way too complicated. I don't have to become holy on my own; I simply have to surrender myself wholly to Him and He takes care of the rest.

"I am full of earth and dirt...and You."

On the verge of insanity...

Listening to: Carry On, My Wayward Son by Kansas

Ever feel like you're about to go completely insane and your only goal in life is to survive? Welcome to my life. Every single day, I am basically just waiting for it to be over because it's one more day I can mark off my calendar (and trust me, I am!). Wow, I sound depressed. Not depressed—just bored out of my mind.

REWIND.

Let's start that over. Actually, despite the absolute boredom and near-insanity, I've been kind of happy these past few days. I feel...content. (Ummm.. I've been having conflicting emotions, in case you can't tell. Going crazy but being content at the same time. Don't ask.) I'm still working on the whole patience deal, but I think I'm getting a little better...maybe. I don't feel quite as impatient, at least. Hopefully, that's a sign of improvement. Heh!!

So. One of the things I've entertained myself with these past couple of weeks has been reading some of my old journals. That's one of my favorite things, actually. It amazes me how much I've changed and grown in such a short amount of time. I spent most of my time reading through my junior year. Interesting times, that's for sure.. While reading it, though, I realized some things that had never occurred to me before, and gained some new appreciation for how God looks out for me.

Okay, this is the most boring post ever. I'm ending it now.

P.S. I am sick to death of rain. Seriously. I mean, I like it and all, but it has been raining for nearly the entire time I've been home, and I've been home for three weeks. Ugh.