"I am changing, less and less asleep.
Made of different stuff than when I began."
- "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser
I feel like that one quote sums up this year for me (if that's even possible).* I can't even explain it completely—it just is what it is. This year...I don't even know how to describe it. I have never learned so much within a single span of twelve months in my entire life. It has, by far, been one of the hardest years of my life, yet I can't call it bad. It has changed me so much. I am definitely not the same person I was a year ago, but in a good way. I'm wiser, more mature, and more aware of myself, others, and life in general. My relationship with God is different, too. It's closer and based on more trust than ever before. It's amazing, really.
One running theme throughout this year has definitely been adventure. Not just in the normal sense (though with a trip to Utah and Arizona, hiking, whitewater rafting, camping, and everything else, there was plenty of that, too!), but just life in general. Completely new experiences; never knowing what's coming next; scary, yet fun; never easy, but always rewarding...yeah, that's this year for sure. I've had to trust God like never before. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I trust Him 100%, no question. I've always trusted Him, but this year has brought about a new element of it that I've never had before.
I've cried more this year than I can remember doing in a long time, but I've also laughed more than ever. I lost a good friend for the first time, but I also gained so many amazing new ones. I had to make decisions that I've never had to make before, but through that, God reassured me more than ever. I guess there have been a lot of extremes. It's funny how it all balances out somehow.**
"When the world has fallen out from under me,
I'll be found in You, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees,
When time and space are through, I'll be found in You."
* I love finding songs that describe my life to me. It always gives me chills (and usually results in some pretty obsessive listening...). I have to say, I think the craziest one was when I heard "Lonely Tonight" by Matt Wertz last month (see my post from November 3). Everything, down to the exact month and length of time. So weird.
** There you have it--my standard, super-reflective, end-of-the-year post. I can't help it; I try really hard to not go overboard, but I have to be introspective on here sometimes. :)