On the verge of insanity...

Listening to: Carry On, My Wayward Son by Kansas

Ever feel like you're about to go completely insane and your only goal in life is to survive? Welcome to my life. Every single day, I am basically just waiting for it to be over because it's one more day I can mark off my calendar (and trust me, I am!). Wow, I sound depressed. Not depressed—just bored out of my mind.

REWIND.

Let's start that over. Actually, despite the absolute boredom and near-insanity, I've been kind of happy these past few days. I feel...content. (Ummm.. I've been having conflicting emotions, in case you can't tell. Going crazy but being content at the same time. Don't ask.) I'm still working on the whole patience deal, but I think I'm getting a little better...maybe. I don't feel quite as impatient, at least. Hopefully, that's a sign of improvement. Heh!!

So. One of the things I've entertained myself with these past couple of weeks has been reading some of my old journals. That's one of my favorite things, actually. It amazes me how much I've changed and grown in such a short amount of time. I spent most of my time reading through my junior year. Interesting times, that's for sure.. While reading it, though, I realized some things that had never occurred to me before, and gained some new appreciation for how God looks out for me.

Okay, this is the most boring post ever. I'm ending it now.

P.S. I am sick to death of rain. Seriously. I mean, I like it and all, but it has been raining for nearly the entire time I've been home, and I've been home for three weeks. Ugh.

Ping pong and patience

Listening to: Unsaid by The Fray

You know, I kind of forgot how much my life at home revolves around church. So different from my life at school. It's kind of amusing, really. Gotta love being a PK.

Anyway. So tonight, I re-realized just how much I love my friends here...and what it's like being the only girl around. (It's no wonder I was going crazy my first few days of college, not knowing any guys!) It was just a good night overall. Nothing terribly spectacular, just good. It was nice to talk to Chad again, laugh at Keith and Elijah's jokes, play ping pong (I don't know why I don't play at school more often--it's so fun), etc. I guess I've missed them more than I realize. I think I take them for granted sometimes, and I really shouldn't. In a way, they're like a part of my family. So in that sense, I'm kind of glad to be at home for the summer. They've started The C.R.E.W. (our drama team) up again, and I am really excited to get to help out with that! Obviously, it would be kind of pointless for me to re-join the team (though they asked me to), but I am totally up for helping out with it. I seriously miss doing dramas. It was such a huge part of my life during high school. Oh, changes.

I like when God speaks to me through other people. Mr. Larry taught the youth group's lesson tonight, and it was so relevant to me, though not in the way he intended. He talked about David, and how even though he had been anointed as king, he didn't immediately try to jump into it. He just continued where God had placed him for the time--as a shepherd--and stayed faithful to that. Even though he knew he was supposed to be king, he still waited for God to open up a way for him to get there when it was the right time. That was a good reminder for me that God's timing is best, and sometimes, I have to wait for the things that I want. I just have to be patient and accept where He has me right now. Everything else will come in time, when I'm ready for it. If I try and rush things, I'll end up screwing the whole thing up (and trust me, I'm pretty good at doing that). I just need to focus on who God wants me to be and what He wants me to do now, and leave my future up to Him. That's so hard for me, especially in this particular situation, when everything is so uncertain. Patience is not exactly my greatest strength (my roommate can attest to this), but God seems pretty bent on teaching it to me, so I guess the sooner I learn, the better. :)

By the way, I just discovered the above song ("Unsaid" by The Fray) hiding on my computer and listened to it for the first time today. I like those random discoveries, especially for songs like this. Good song.

Whoa, summer?!

Listening To: Skyline Drive by Mae

I have decided that I'm not really a fan of this whole not having a permanent residence thing. It is entirely too much trouble to move two and a half times a year (the half being Christmas break). I mean, really? And who knew I had so much stuff?! Talk about ridiculous.

Since being home, I have been doing some intense cleaning. If I had a crazy amount of stuff at school, it was double that left at home. My room was a disaster area after bringing everything in (see above picture). Seeing as there was no room for the stuff I actually needed/wanted, I had to go through and get rid of a ton of stuff before I could even think about unpacking. I'm still not done, but needless to say, it looks a heck of a lot better. Hey, I can actually see my closet floor for the first time in 5 years! (And sadly, I am entirely serious.) I'm pretty proud of myself.

I'm debating whether or not to throw in one of those standard nostalgic, introspective end-of-the-semester reviews here or not. Maybe I should just save that for my own thoughts. However, I will say that it was an amazing, amazing year. They say your freshman year is the worst. If that's the case, then my college experience is going to be absolutely incredible. I have made some of the greatest friends I've ever had in my life, learned some interesting (and valuable!) lessons, and, you know, I think I've become more myself. I like that. :) I'm excited for next semester (though I'll admit that I'm a little apprehensive, too, in some respects. I guess that's where trusting God comes in).

Anyway, it's late (or early?), and I have things to do tomorrow, so I'm out. Happy summer!