Oh, inconsistent me...

I like God. I like how He talks to me through songs and stars and sunsets and my closest friends. Heck, He even gets through to me in the middle of my psychology classes. It has happened so often, but every single time, it almost takes me by surprise. I just love how He knows me so well, how He speaks to me in a way that is absolutely perfect for me instead of talking to everyone in the same way.

This was one of my favorite songs when I was a freshman in high school. It's funny how something can be just as (actually, more) relevant to my life at 20 as it was at 14.

Let It All Out
Relient K

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
'Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust You with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at You in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me crying out for consistency

And You said, "I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart
Then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify
The pain it took to get us there."

And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And You promise me that You believe
In time, I will defeat this
'Cause somewhere in me there is strength

And today I will trust You with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You
And I know You know
You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light

The whole, "Today I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat, but tomorrow upon hearing what I did, I will stare at You in disbelief. Oh, inconsistent me, crying out for consistency," is my life. It's like I make the decision to trust God completely and leave everything up to Him, and then the next day, I realize the implications of what I've done by giving up that control and I freak out. Repeat cycle. It's ridiculous. I need to break that.

My life has a soundtrack.

I want to know how many songs go through my head on any given day. Like, really. Sunday morning, I was in church and within a span of 5 minutes, I counted ten songs that had popped into my head, based of some random comment within the sermon. Ten. In 5 minutes. That's two songs per minute. There are 1,440 minutes in a day. That's a lot of songs.

The simplest phrases can trigger it. If something I hear is remotely related to a song lyric or song title, my brain will immediately start playing that song. You say the word "down" in pretty much any sentence, and I will almost always hear, "Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?" in my head. Or if I'm driving and someone tells me to take a left, the first thing that goes through my mind is, "To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left..." Or maybe if you tell me to "hold on a second," I hear Jack's Mannequin singing, "So hang on, it's gonna be a hard day. So hang on, don't panic, don't panic; there really is no need..." 

It's crazy, really. It doesn't even have to be based off of something that I hear--even things I see can (and often do) trigger this little playlist in my brain. You know that instrument song? There's a scene in You've Got Mail (which I watched a few days ago) where they sing it. This scene, to be exact:

Well, today, I was in the living room with my family, and I happened to see a clarinet on TV. It wasn't even significant; it was some random guy in the background. But what was my immediate first thought? "The clarinet, the clarinet..."

Or that time this summer when it thundered outside, and without even thinking, I started singing, "Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go..." (which is, if you aren't aware, the opening line to the song "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls).

And reading! There is no telling how many songs go through my head then. Today, I was reading a book that had to do with the frontier and such, and it mentioned a "one-horse town." Well, after seeing that, I had "Fearless" by Taylor Swift stuck in my head for awhile ("...In this one-horse town, I wanna stay right here...").

I guess this is what I get for being so musically-minded. To look on the bright side, it's kinda like having a soundtrack to my life. Granted, I'd prefer said soundtrack to not include commercial jingles, but nothing's perfect, right?


* I just realized my roommate did a post sorta similar to this last year...oops.
** I also just realized that my last three posts (including this one) have been strictly about music. The past eleven have included music in some way, shape, or form. Ummm...