Saturday, August 7, 2010

Letting go and other unrelated things

Listening To: "Rescued" by Jack's Mannequin
I love this song. So much. It really, really makes me want to learn to play piano. Sigh. Another thing to add to the list of things to do before I die, I suppose! :)

First things first: I finally have a car! Awesome it is not, and technically, I'm sharing it with my brother (though I definitely say I have priority. After all, I did go through my freshman and sophomore years without one at all), but hey--it's a car. It works. I can now get around by myself instead of constantly having to rely on other people, not to mention using up my friends' gas all the time. All things considered, I am definitely not complaining!

Second, I talked to Katie (my Little Pal) tonight! She was like, "I MISS YOU!!!" and when I asked how her summer was, she said, "It was great, but it wasn't as fun without you." Yeah, I officially miss her and can't wait to see her soon! I love that kid.

Third, I like how God always manages to teach me something when I'm least expecting it (most of the time, those lessons have to do with trust. Actually, almost always). All summer, He's been teaching me what it means to let go. I apparently have a classic case of always wanting to be in control, and with God, that doesn't tend to work too well. At one point, I thought I had moved past that, but then I realized that it's not always as obvious as it seems. Sometimes, I honestly believe that I'm doing the right thing, like putting a situation behind me, or trying to be the peacemaker, or a number of other similar situations. While these things might be good in theory, and my motives are right, it's still putting me in control. I'm still putting the responsibility on myself when I can't actually do anything about it. Honestly, there are some situations that I get so stressed out about when in reality, only God can do anything about them. I spend so much time trying to fix them that I forget that. I've had to learn to let those things go and be like, "Okay, God. I'm done trying to fix this. I'm letting it go and giving it to You--it's not my problem anymore." Of course, if He chooses to use me as He works things out, then I am totally okay with and open to that. It's not me checking out and saying, "Whatever happens, happens," and relieving myself of any responsibility in my life. It is leaving literally everything in my life up to God and following His lead instead of taking things upon myself. It's been an interesting (and sometimes difficult) thing to learn, but it is incredibly freeing! It makes life a lot more adventurous (because who knows what's coming next?!) and a lot less stressful (because more stress is the last thing I need!).

Speaking of stress: I head back to Lee in less than a week! While I'm not thrilled about starting classes up again (hence the relation to stress), I absolutely cannot wait to see everyone again. I also can't wait to move into my new apartment! So excited. It's going to be awesome.

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