Be still.

Listening to: "Crazy Girl" by Eli Young Band
I have been in a HUGE country mood lately. It's such perfect music for summer. This band is one of my favorites for sure!

“You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find peace in You.”

- Augustine's Confessions

A year ago, I wrote about my need to simply be still, to know that God was and is in control, to just trust.

A year later, not much has changed.

Scratch that--pretty much everything has changed (thank. God. SERIOUSLY). But that is one thing that does remain the same. I'm at a very, very different place in life now than I was then, but my need to be still and rest only in Him is still huge. It's still difficult.

I am not the kind of person who thrives on busyness. Quite frankly, I think this need that everyone seems to have to be crazy busy all the time is ridiculous.* However, as much as I don't generally want to be busy 24/7, lately, I've wanted to avoid being alone, sitting, having time to hear myself think. Because when I'm alone, that's when the thoughts and the fears start to come, and I just want to get away, to have someone, so I don't have to think about it.

Fear can be so pervasive. Scars can run deeper than you think. When it's just me and God, when I don't have the option of turning to someone else, it means I have to look certain things square in the eye and deal with them…like the fact that I sometimes struggle to trust Him, because I know that trusting Him sometimes leads to very painful places. Beautiful places, yes, but painful ones as well (usually, it's both simultaneously). I get scared of what comes next. I get scared of where loving Him most might lead me. I get scared that I won't be able to love Him most!

And that's when grace comes in. Again. And accepting grace means I have to be still and trust Him and let Him love me and prove over and over again that He is good.

He isn't safe--never safe--but He is very, very good.

Because of that, I can choose to rest in Him and let Him help me face all my fears. I can trust that, however He chooses to go about it, He will always keep His promises. He will always give me His very best.

"You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid."
- "Lions!" by LIGHTS

Also: this song. So good.

"When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am."
- "Be Still" by The Fray

*Obviously, I understand that every person is different, but when it gets to the point where all you talk about is how busy you are and have these weird conversations that imply whoever has the busiest schedule is somehow superior… I think it's safe to say there's a problem. It's one thing to be unavoidably busy. Everyone has those times. My entire last semester was one of those times! However, it's quite another to choose to be ridiculously busy all. the. time. and then complain about it every waking moment. One of my biggest pet peeves ever. (I could vent about this for awhile, because it's something that frustrates me a lot, but…I'll spare you. I just hate the pressure to be busy for the sake of being busy! The fact that I choose to say no to filling up every minute of my schedule does not mean that I am lazy or inferior. End mini rant.) (P.S. I know approximately a billion people who do this. It's kind of a general American cultural thing, it seems. In other words, don't think I'm attacking anyone. This isn't being directed at any individual. Promise!)

(More) Things I Like

I am long overdue for a "Things I Like" post. Here's some things that I've been liking a lot lately!

• "In Christ, urgent means slow…" Some good things to remember here. I've made a bad habit of getting caught up in the busyness of life that I forget what's most important. It's cliche to say, I know, but to really live it is difficult--and more necessary than we know.  

• Pure Home.  OH MY GOSH, this site is amazing! One of the coolest home decor sites ever. You pick your style, your mood, and your room, and it helps you choose your colors and accessories. Seriously, go check it out. 

• Kohl's frames. Kohl's has been having some crazy good sales on their home decor and such. I got a $40 set of 6 (really nice) frames for $13, a $50 6-frame photo ledge set for $10 (and used Kohl's cash so essentially got it for free), and this wonderful (and oh-so-me!) bird-and-branches frame for $7:

I might have a slight obsession with frames.
And pictures. The more, the merrier (until you
can't see your walls--then it might be a problem)!

• This print. So cute.

via Handz Etsy shop

• This fun workspace. 

(via Lovely Undergrad)

• Cubicle shelving. Currently wanting one of these in black.

(via Lovely Undergrad)

• Log planter! How cool would it be to DIY one of these with a real log?

(via Pure Home)

• A photo book of Instagrams. Love this idea.

(via That's Happy)

• "Vergangenheit (Loss)" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I love this poem. I can relate to it so very well, and can attest that this is true:

"That which is past will return to you again
as your life's most living strain,
through thanks and repentance.
Lay hold on God's forgiveness in the past,
pray that He will care for you this day and to the last."

Hello, adulthood! (...I think?)

Photo Credit: Unknown

Listening to: "Rainy Zurich" by The Fray
Finally got around to getting their Scars & Stories album (which is currently $5 on Amazon, by the way).  I like it a lot. Favorite tracks so far: "Heartbeat", "48 to Go", "Rainy Zurich", and "Be Still".

List of crazy things that have happened/are happening in my life lately.

1. I got an A in golf. Actually, the fact that I passed golf is crazy. The fact that I got an A is just hilarious. I stopped going to class completely after February 22 (and skipped a few classes before then. I might have had a slight case of senioritis...). For that reason, it deserves to be first on my list.

2. I GRADUATED COLLEGE! How the past four years of my life went by so fast, I will never know. I will also never know how I managed to pack so many wonderful (and, let's be real, horrible) things into such a short amount of time. On that note, I'm moving on to my next thing on the list. (I know--I'm normally so nostalgic, right? This time around, I'm avoiding all my memories like the plague. College was wonderful and thinking about it being over makes me incredibly sad.)

Wonderful friends since day one. Love them so much.

So, so, so, so thankful for him. I love him a lot.

Family!

3. I got accepted into grad school. This fall, I'll be starting on my master's degree in Holistic Child Development. It's a program that's actually sponsored by Compassion International (which I LOVE). Basically, I'm getting a counseling degree (but not licensure, which is lame) that prepares me to work with children through non-profit service and advocacy organizations, both domestically and internationally. I'll be taking classes like…

• Community Interventions
• Social & Cultural Diversity
• Non-Profit Design & Evaluation
• Counseling Children & Adolescents
• Play Therapy
• Family Studies

…among others. It's a program that targets exactly what I want to do, and I am so excited about it!

4. I got an apartment. Finally not living on campus (as much as I have loved it. Really). Kristi and I found a place that's in a perfect location (so close to everything!), a good size, plus we finally get our own rooms. I'm excited. Now, just to get things organized...

Related: if anyone has any furniture that they don't want, particularly a couch or a dresser, let me know. We need it. Big time.

5. I got a job. This happened a little over a month ago, but I haven't exactly had a chance to update you all on my life, so…yeah. But get a job I did. I'm working as a secretary-type-thing for my Taekwondo instructor. Kind of random, but hey, it's a job, and I really do like it. It gets a little boring at times, but I love being around all the kids. They're hilarious. One of my favorite quotable moments:

5-year-old boy excitedly to his mom (and being 100% serious): "I finally know what I want to do!! When I get big, I want to be bald and fight bad guys! Then I won't have to go to school anymore!"

Sounds like a plan, buddy. School (and hair) is overrated anyway. Which is why I signed up for (at least) another year of it.

6. Weddings, weddings, weddings! (Not mine, of course.) Sooo many of my friends are getting married, it seems! Two good friends are getting married this weekend, then my wonderful roommate of all 4 years of college is getting married in two weeks. So exciting, and SO WEIRD.

So, that's my life lately. I am so, so, so relieved to be done with the semester and have a laid-back summer kind of life for a couple of months. So. Incredibly. Needed. I'm doing my best to line up a few posts so things aren't so dead around here anymore, but until then…!