Remember

"Writer" by AmythePirate

I have a really good memory.

If I'm known for anything, it's probably that. I remember dates, details of conversations, and half the time, I remember my friends' lives and schedules better than they do (I may or may not have once gotten a text saying, "This probably sounds stupid, but…what do I have to do today?"…and I may or may not have been able to give an actual answer). This has probably made me seem creepy on more than one occasion. Oops. (Unintentional, I promise. I'm not stalking people.) It's not that I try to remember all these things; I just do. I can't really help myself!

Anyway.

Remembering is something that has always been really important to me. Not so much the random details of other people's lives (though I'm happy to help you keep track of your class schedule), but remembering all the details of life that later add up to something really significant, things you can't see while they're happening.

Normally, at the end of every year, I read through my journals from January 1 through December 31, just to reminisce the entire year. This is the first year since I was 14 that I won't be doing that (I accidentally left my other journals at school. I can't say I really want to re-live everything that happened this year though, so I'm not too disappointed). Still, it isn't remembering random events and things that happened that I love so much; it's remembering the lessons and the growth that occurred because of them.

I don't want to forget.

It's not that I'm so caught up in the past that I stop living in the present. Rather, it's that I want to remember what I learned then so I can keep applying it now. Forgetting is so easy, much easier than it should be. Perspective can be lost before you even have a chance to realize it's slipping. I can spend months learning something, feel confident that I've finally got it down, and then something happens that makes me lose it all in a single day. When I take the time to remember, though, it helps keep me on track.*

I can't forget what He has already done, where He's brought me from, or I'll never be able to fully appreciate where He's taking me. Even more than that, I'll never be able to stay on track enough to actually get there. Not only that, but it's so amazing to be able to look back and see how God has used such seemingly minor things in incredible ways. That's one of my favorite things.

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm…"

- Deuteronomy 5:15

*For me, that means going back and reading my journal from when my perspective was right. Seeing it written down has so much more impact than just trying to think about it. That's something I've been REALLY thankful for over the past few days. It has helped a lot.

"Thou and thou only first in my heart..."

Currently thankful for: Christmas movies, candles, finally getting paid, and last but most definitely not least, BEING DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER. Enough said about that!

Keeping God first is the hardest thing.

It should be so easy. I mean, seriously--He's so, so good, and absolutely everything I could possibly need. I have more joy and am more content with Him than I am at any other time. So why is it that my heart jumps at the chance to replace Him at the slightest opportunity? I'll never understand that. It doesn't make sense.

The past couple of weeks have been a struggle to make sure He stays first in my heart, my thoughts, my life. I've already failed at it more than once. Falling back into old patterns is all too easy, but I'm learning to recognize them--and to recognize what I need to do to avoid them. As hard as it is to discipline myself like this, it has forced me to be in a near-constant state of prayer, just to keep my head above water.

Sometimes, I forget that surrender and putting God first is a process, not an event. It's not something that I do once and for all, never having to think about it again. Instead, it's something I have to do constantly and will have to continue until the day that I die. I will never come to a point when I can say, "Wow, I'm glad that's over with. I learned a lot and now God is first; I don't have to focus on keeping Him there anymore." Yet that's what has happened every single time I've come through a hard situation. And guess what? As soon as I stop focusing on Him so intently, everything slowly begins to fall apart again.

Will I ever learn?

Even if He chooses to move me to the next stage of the process, a happier time, that doesn't mean I'm supposed to stop clinging to Him, or even loosen my grip. And even if He doesn't fulfill what I'm hoping for, that doesn't mean I'm supposed to suddenly trust Him any less. Because even if He doesn't, I will still trust Him. I will still love Him. I will still follow Him, knowing that His plan is best.

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, 'King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.'"

- Daniel 3:16-18

That has become one of the most profound verses in the Bible to me, and one of my biggest lessons over the past several months. Those guys knew what God could do, even what they truly believed that He would do, and certainly they wanted to be rescued, but in the end, it really didn't matter. Their faith was in Him, not in what He could do. It's the same reason Abraham was able to obey when God told him to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham knew what God had promised him, but he had to be willing to let go of even that--even the promise--and trust that God is faithful. Even if He doesn't, He is faithful.

"Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my treasure, Thou art."

Things I Like: Music Edition!

Photo Credit: Unknown

Currently thankful for: Sun shining through the clouds on an otherwise cold, rainy day; being productive; inside jokes; listening to the random conversations that occur on third floor Humanities; unexpected opportunities

Finals week: time for more procrastination! Yay! I only have one more to go, but I am so unmotivated, like I can't even begin to say. Hence the reason I'm writing this. I'm pretty sure you all know by this point that I like music...a lot. It's pretty much impossible for me to pick all-time favorites, but I figured I'd share some stuff that I've been liking lately (I've may have mentioned some of them before, so sorry in advance for any repeats!). So, in no particular order...

1. Matthew Mayfield

"Sing 'til you mean it and love 'til you feel it
'Cause I still believe in your heart
Don't let the waves push and pull you away
Now you're free and it sets you apart."
- Matthew Mayfield, "Now You're Free"

 I love those lyrics! Ever since I got his Now You're Free album off of NoiseTrade (best site ever!), I've been a pretty big fan. I like his sound a lot, and the lyrics are pretty great, too!

2. The Walla Recovery
They're not very well-known, but I've really been liking their folksy, cello-driven sound lately (but really, when don't I like folk music? Especially when it includes an instrument like a cello? Yes, please!). Their songs have a lot of great spiritual themes without being cliche about it. Their song "Spoils of Warring Hearts" is excellent.

3. Andrew Belle
I love his music so much! It's a perfect balance between happy and contemplative...at least that's how I feel about it. He has so many good ones, but this song is one of my absolute favorites:

I'll admit, I don't completely get the video...but it's still kind of cool (and I still love the song).

4. Hymns in general
I know this is kind of odd, but I have been absolutely loving old hymns this semester. "Be Thou My Vision" has pretty much been my theme song since like, September, and I still sing it all the time. Others include (but are not limited to): "In Christ Alone"*, "How Firm a Foundation," "Solid Rock," and "Jesus Paid It All."

So. Freaking. Good.

5. Mat Kearney
This guy is just awesome. His Young Love album is amazing. It's so upbeat and happy and I just can't help but love it! I'm actually going to see him in concert with some friends next month, and I am super excited about it. A few of many favorite songs of his: "Ships in the Night," "Down," "Count on Me," and "All I Need" (from Nothing Left to Lose).

That's all I have for now. After tomorrow, I am free until January!(!!!!) Half of senior year: DONE. Scary thought!

*If I could choose one song to be my absolute all-time favorite, "In Christ Alone" would probably be it. For me, it says it all.