Story of my Life

Your grace is enough.

2012-02-14T15:15:00.000-05:00

Listening to: "Closer to Love" by Mat Kearney
(I got to see him in concert a couple of weeks ago! So, so good--he's just as great live as he is on his albums. I am so glad I got to go!)

I've officially decided: I hate busyness. Productivity is good. Busy is definitely not. Even now, the only way I'm managing any free time to blog is because I'm sitting in a nursing home lobby by myself, waiting for students in the class I TA for to finish their service project.* Seriously, the number one thing that I've wanted for weeks is a few hours of absolute quiet, all to myself. Maybe someday...

Anyway, this semester. Whoa. It has been really, really good, but really difficult at the same time (just in a completely different way than last semester!). College is always a bit of a balancing act, but this semester is taking it to a whole new level. 17 credit hours (including 2 senior level psych classes and a science), auditing 1 hour, and TAing for a 63-person class, on top of getting back into a relationship, not to mention keeping myself on track with my relationship with God…yeah, it's slightly nuts. (I realize that this seems pretty run-of-the-mill for a lot of people, but for someone who definitely does not thrive on being crazy-busy all the time, it's a stretch!)

via Pinterest

In short, this year so far has been one big lesson to teach me that I'm not perfect, that I really do need God more than anything, and what the meaning of grace really is. For some reason, it can be very hard for me to remember that this is all a process. I'm not going to get it down right away. I'm going to mess up. At the same time, I have to keep trying. That can be a hard balance to find: understanding that His grace makes up for my mistakes because He understands and loves me anyway…

"The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust."
- Psalm 103:13-14

…but not letting that cause me to think that what I do doesn't matter, that I don't have to keep striving to be better.

"Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?"
- Romans 6:1-2

I am so thankful for what I've been given, but sometimes--most of the time--I feel so unbelievably inadequate. As wonderful as it all is--and it is wonderful--it is so much responsibility and I know all too well how incapable I am. I've proven that over and over and over again. After praying and praying for what I wanted so much, now that I actually have it, I'm constantly asking God, "Are You sure about this? I don't know if I can handle it after all!" Yet He's continually reminding me:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

If this is where He wants me, He's going to give me the strength to do it correctly. His grace really is enough. Keeping Him first is the key. If only I could remember that…

Hopefully this balance I'm trying to find will include some free time to blog, but I make no promises! Until next time...

* Thank God for smart phones--my parents got me an iPhone for Christmas. LOVE IT. It is saving my life this semester!

Let Me Feel You Shine

2012-01-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

This song is my life right now.

"Let Me Feel You Shine"
David Crowder Band

This place is trying to break my belief
But my faith is bigger than all I can see
What I need is redemption
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet

I swear I'm trying to give everything
But I feel I'm falling, oh make me believe
What I need is resurrection
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet

If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
If I could feel You feel You shine
Oh, let me feel You shine
So beautiful and warm
So beautiful and bright
Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky
Oh let me feel You shine, oh
Let me feel You shine

I lift the knife to the thing I love most
Praying You'll come so I can have both
What I need is for You to touch me
What I need is for You to be the thing that I need

God, I need a Savior
O come, Generous King
O God, I need a Savior
To come rescue me

Life freaks me out sometimes. God freaks me out sometimes. Most of the time, lately. He's worth it, but that doesn't mean it's not the scariest thing ever.

Lessons learned, part 2.

2011-12-31T09:00:00.000-05:00

(Here's part two of my list of lessons learned in 2011! If you missed the first half, check it out here.)

7. Hope: Even if He does not.
Hope is tricky. It's such a good thing, yet it is so easy to place it in the wrong things. For months, I've had to ask myself: is my hope in God Himself or in what He can do for me? It's a very fine line to walk. I've had to come to a place where I can say, "Yes, this is what I want to happen, and I believe that You can do it, but my hope is in You. Even if You don't, I'm still going to trust You and follow You as if nothing has changed." That's something I have to convince myself of every single day.

8. Certain joy found only in pain.
Every season of life has its good and bad sides. The happy times are wonderful, of course, but they bring certain challenges that aren't found at other times. In the same way, the hardest times bring certain joys that are found only there. I've had to learn to be thankful, not in spite of the bad times, but because of them. It's not always about pushing through to the other side; I've had to learn to see the beauty in the moment I'm in right now--even if it's painful.

9. Letting go.

This has probably been one of the most excruciating lessons I've ever learned, but one I am unbelievably relieved to have finally gotten through my head (well, still working on it, anyway. Like I said before, this is definitely all a process)! I never realized how much of a control freak I am, not to mention how much damage it can cause! Following God is all about surrender. He has to have control of every area of my life. I've found that I have to be very careful, because I have a tendency to try and regain control of things without even realizing it.

I want to always be able to say, "God, my hands are open. You are free to give and free to take away. And even when You do give--my hands will stay open." It's my natural tendency to cling to the things that I love, but I've discovered that it's a surefire way to get them taken away. Living with your hands open (so to speak) is a really vulnerable place to be, and it can be really hard sometimes, but at the same time, it has been the most freeing experience I've ever had.

10. Be present.
Waiting. It's something that I seem to constantly be doing, but something I'm really bad at! I have a tendency to see the big picture first, then fill in all the details later. That can be a really good quality, but it can also get me into trouble. Sometimes (most of the time), I am so focused on the end result that I forget that the detail work of right now is what it takes to get there. Once again, I've had to learn to make a conscious effort to just be present. Right now matters. (Being thankful really comes into play here!)

11. Faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
- Hebrews 11:1

I've heard that verse so many times, but I have never had to come to terms with what it really means as much as I have over the past few months. All of these lessons come down to faith in one way or another. It has definitely always been a part of my life in some way, but not like this. I say I believe in God. I say that I trust Him. I say that I believe He's good, and that His plan is best. And I really thought that I did believe those things. But when it all came down to it, did I really? Enough to actually act on it? It took me a long time to finally let go enough to be able to honestly say yes. It's still hard sometimes.

12. Freedom.

"It's easy for our thoughts to be dominated by a craving.... It takes ahold of us. We are not free…. If I want something to the point that I can't conceive of being content without it, then it owns me.... What started out as freedom can quickly become slavery.... Freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it."
- Rob Bell in Sex God

I honestly cannot explain how profound that one quote has been for me. I wish I didn't understand it as perfectly as I do, but it has been my life for so long. But after months and months of digging deep and letting God do some major work on my heart, for the first time in a long, long time…I'm finally free. And freedom is incredible.

That isn't to say that it's easily kept.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it."
- Genesis 4:7

Going back to the idea of perseverance: it definitely applies here. It's cliche to say, but freedom is not free. I've had to fight for it, and I'm still having to fight to keep it. Still, I'm not losing it this time.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
- Galatians 5:1

***

I just want to let you know, I love you all so much! (Even those of you I don't know personally--your comments and messages have been so encouraging, and I really, really do appreciate it more than you know!). Thanks for being awesome. I hope you all have an amazing new year!

Lessons learned.

2011-12-29T02:22:00.000-05:00

Listening to: "Hymn" by Brooke Fraser
My theme song of the moment. So simple and beautiful and good. I love her music! Possible post about this one soon? Maybe? We'll see.

Oh, what a year. I don't even know how to begin to describe it. Joy. Hope. Pain. Despair. Trust. Anxiety. Loss. So, so much gained. I have never experienced anything quite like it*, and to be perfectly honest, I'd rather not have to ever again!

Still, I know this is going to be one of those years that I look back on with so much amazement, and probably even a little bit of wishing for certain aspects of it to come back. Sometimes, the most beautiful things can only be found in the most painful times. I've experienced so much growth this year, so much change that needed to happen--big time. I love the times when I'm constantly learning, when things are constantly clicking in my head, and I finally get it. And boy, did I learn a lot. (That being said, I am still so glad this year is over! I will never pray for anything close to that ever again. God can teach me on His own time. LESSON LEARNED.)

I've kept up with blogging about a lot of the lessons I've learned this year as they were happening, so I won't go into crazy detail here, but I did feel the need to be really cliche and make a retrospective year-in-review (or lessons-in-review, as it may be) kind of post. :) It's more for myself than for anyone, but I figured I'd share anyway. Also, since there have been so many different lessons, I'll post it in parts. Part one today, the rest to come soon!

Highlights (in no particular order):**

1. Be still and know.
Life is not predictable. Things are not going to go the way I expect them to, and God is not going to work the way I think He should. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10:

"Be still and know that I am God."

Apparently, an alternate translation of "be still" is "let go"--

"Let go and know that I am God."

Stop freaking out. Stop worrying. Stop trying to control everything. Just be still, let it go, and recognize that He is God and I am not. He's got it under control, so I need to let Him be in control.

2. Thankfulness.
Gratitude: it's something you hear a lot about, but generally don't make a conscious effort to include it in your daily life. At least, that's how it's been for me. This is a huge thing that God has been teaching me over the past several months. Thankfulness is not just a nice suggestion; it's vital to joy and contentment and keeping God first (which, consequently, are all tied very closely together!). Even when everything is going wrong, there is always something to be thankful for, even if you have to get down to the tiniest things. Sometimes, it's the little things that matter most.***

3. Seek Him first.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you as well."
- Matthew 6:33

God absolutely has to be first in my thoughts, in my heart, in my life. My whole life needs to be centered around Him. When it all comes down to it, He really is the only thing that matters. A relationship, a career, a life goal, whatever--if anything else is getting most of my attention and is what I'm striving for most, then something is wrong. He is the "prize," if you will. Nothing else.

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."
- Philippians 3:7-8

I've always kind of understood that in my head, but this is the first time it's really clicked, and the first time that I've made a conscious effort to make it my way of life.**** Because it does require effort, constant effort, which brings me to my next point...

4. Perseverance: Keep pushing.
Everything is a process. Keeping the main goal in sight is absolutely crucial, because otherwise, you will never make it anywhere. The rest of life is way too distracting, and when things get painful and doubt starts creeping in, perspective is nearly impossible to maintain. The only way I've been able to keep going is because I've been doing my best to keep Lesson #3 in the front of my mind as much as I possibly can. My mindset: Push through the pain now, because it's the only way through. It will hurt, but the end will be worth it. And then (like now), once the pain is past, the goal still has to be in sight because at that point, it's the only motivation you have. There are no breaks here; it's a daily choice to make for the rest of your life.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:12-14

5. Blessings in disguise.
Sometimes, God's best does not come in the form we expect. Sometimes, His blessings come to us in really heartbreaking ways. Sometimes, pain is proof that God loves us.

God knows what's best for us. The thing is, it usually takes a good deal of pain to actually get there. Rarely can we get to where He wants us to be without giving up certain things we have now. Gaining His best often requires a lot of loss on our part. That isn't to say that we don't gain so much more--we do--but loss is always painful. And sometimes, there are things in our hearts that have to be removed, and a lot of times, it requires a great deal of pain to bring it to the surface. In the end, if we handle it correctly, pain will always bring us closer to God. Isn't that in itself worth it?

"You said, 'I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear,
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.'"
- "Let It All Out" by Relient K

6. Dig deep: Finding purpose in the pain.
When it comes to dealing with pain, we have two options: Face it head on or bury it with distractions. Option one actually gets us somewhere, while option two is only going to make things hurt even more in the end.

Finding purpose in the hardest times requires us to do some serious soul-searching. It means digging deep and making some changes that we may not have even realized we needed. I'm not saying that every painful situation is a result of something we've done wrong, because that's definitely not the case. Still, every painful situation can be used to grow, and growth almost always requires change. Hard? Very. Worth it? Most definitely.

(Click here for part 2!)

*I do have to say, though--it's had its fair share of similarities to 2009! Kind of scary in some ways. Both were definitely big years for learning and growing and maturing in major ways. Just different ones.
**It was kind of hard for me to divide these up into a nice little list because all of these lessons are so related and intertwined and often inseparable. But…I did my best.
***Keeping a list of "the little things" I'm thankful for has become one of my favorite things. It's amazing how much you miss when you aren't looking! God really is so good.
****This is such a basic concept, I know, and it's one I've heard all my life, but the meaning of it didn't click until this year. Maybe I'm a little slow, but the basic, foundational stuff has been big for me lately. It's like I'm finally getting it, not just in my mind, but in my heart, because I'm actually experiencing it and having to make the conscious decision to include it in my life.

Just keep swimming...

2011-12-23T00:04:00.004-05:00

Listening to: "1000 Ships (Acoustic" by Rachel Platten
Just discovered her today (yes, another NoiseTrade find). I really like this song, and "Nothing Ever Happens" isn't too bad either. Pretty good stuff!

"Never, never, never give up."
- Winston Churchill

Perseverance.

Out of all of the lessons that I've learned this year (and trust me, there have been a lot!), this has been one of the biggest, and it's one I'm still struggling to get. Pushing all the way through has never been my strong point. I'm great at starting things, and even figuring out what I need to do to get to the end goal, but when it comes to actually following through with it--completely? Not so much. It's a major weakness of mine that I didn't even recognize until this year.*

At the beginning of anything, I typically have one of two things to motivate me: pain or excitement. Either things are too painful not to move forward, or I'm really excited about what's happening, so moving forward isn't even a question--I want to! Unfortunately, neither one lasts. There always comes a point when all emotion wears off. That's when who I really am comes to the surface.

Do I really love Him enough to keep pursuing Him first?
Do I really trust Him enough to keep following Him, even if He doesn't?
Am I really finding my contentment in Him alone?
Am I really willing to wait patiently for Him, not jumping ahead, no matter how long it takes?

Or am I just fooling myself, lying not only to myself, but to Him as well?

They're all questions I've been grappling with lately, trying so hard to come to an honest answer…and to do whatever I possibly can to make sure my answer is, without question, YES. Lately, it's been coming down to sheer determination…and lots of prayer! I cannot afford to give up. Not now.

Goal: keep pushing, no matter how hard it gets. Because the end is worth it.

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."
- Hebrews 12:1-2

*There have been a lot of those this year, actually--weaknesses I didn't know I had coming to the surface. It's beyond humbling (not to mention painful) when you have to come to terms with how messed up you really are. I was already plenty aware of the fact that I'm not perfect, but this year has taken it to a whole new level!

Remember

2011-12-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

"Writer" by AmythePirate

I have a really good memory.

If I'm known for anything, it's probably that. I remember dates, details of conversations, and half the time, I remember my friends' lives and schedules better than they do (I may or may not have once gotten a text saying, "This probably sounds stupid, but…what do I have to do today?"…and I may or may not have been able to give an actual answer). This has probably made me seem creepy on more than one occasion. Oops. (Unintentional, I promise. I'm not stalking people.) It's not that I try to remember all these things; I just do. I can't really help myself!

Anyway.

Remembering is something that has always been really important to me. Not so much the random details of other people's lives (though I'm happy to help you keep track of your class schedule), but remembering all the details of life that later add up to something really significant, things you can't see while they're happening.

Normally, at the end of every year, I read through my journals from January 1 through December 31, just to reminisce the entire year. This is the first year since I was 14 that I won't be doing that (I accidentally left my other journals at school. I can't say I really want to re-live everything that happened this year though, so I'm not too disappointed). Still, it isn't remembering random events and things that happened that I love so much; it's remembering the lessons and the growth that occurred because of them.

I don't want to forget.

It's not that I'm so caught up in the past that I stop living in the present. Rather, it's that I want to remember what I learned then so I can keep applying it now. Forgetting is so easy, much easier than it should be. Perspective can be lost before you even have a chance to realize it's slipping. I can spend months learning something, feel confident that I've finally got it down, and then something happens that makes me lose it all in a single day. When I take the time to remember, though, it helps keep me on track.*

I can't forget what He has already done, where He's brought me from, or I'll never be able to fully appreciate where He's taking me. Even more than that, I'll never be able to stay on track enough to actually get there. Not only that, but it's so amazing to be able to look back and see how God has used such seemingly minor things in incredible ways. That's one of my favorite things.

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm…"
- Deuteronomy 5:15

*For me, that means going back and reading my journal from when my perspective was right. Seeing it written down has so much more impact than just trying to think about it. That's something I've been REALLY thankful for over the past few days. It has helped a lot.

"Thou and thou only first in my heart..."

2011-12-15T16:24:00.000-05:00

Currently thankful for: Christmas movies, candles, finally getting paid, and last but most definitely not least, BEING DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER. Enough said about that!

Keeping God first is the hardest thing.

It should be so easy. I mean, seriously--He's so, so good, and absolutely everything I could possibly need. I have more joy and am more content with Him than I am at any other time. So why is it that my heart jumps at the chance to replace Him at the slightest opportunity? I'll never understand that. It doesn't make sense.

The past couple of weeks have been a struggle to make sure He stays first in my heart, my thoughts, my life. I've already failed at it more than once. Falling back into old patterns is all too easy, but I'm learning to recognize them--and to recognize what I need to do to avoid them. As hard as it is to discipline myself like this, it has forced me to be in a near-constant state of prayer, just to keep my head above water.

Sometimes, I forget that surrender and putting God first is a process, not an event. It's not something that I do once and for all, never having to think about it again. Instead, it's something I have to do constantly and will have to continue until the day that I die. I will never come to a point when I can say, "Wow, I'm glad that's over with. I learned a lot and now God is first; I don't have to focus on keeping Him there anymore." Yet that's what has happened every single time I've come through a hard situation. And guess what? As soon as I stop focusing on Him so intently, everything slowly begins to fall apart again.

Will I ever learn?

Even if He chooses to move me to the next stage of the process, a happier time, that doesn't mean I'm supposed to stop clinging to Him, or even loosen my grip. And even if He doesn't fulfill what I'm hoping for, that doesn't mean I'm supposed to suddenly trust Him any less. Because even if He doesn't, I will still trust Him. I will still love Him. I will still follow Him, knowing that His plan is best.

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, 'King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.'"

- Daniel 3:16-18

That has become one of the most profound verses in the Bible to me, and one of my biggest lessons over the past several months. Those guys knew what God could do, even what they truly believed that He would do, and certainly they wanted to be rescued, but in the end, it really didn't matter. Their faith was in Him, not in what He could do. It's the same reason Abraham was able to obey when God told him to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham knew what God had promised him, but he had to be willing to let go of even that--even the promise--and trust that God is faithful. Even if He doesn't, He is faithful.

"Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my treasure, Thou art."

Things I Like: Music Edition!

2011-12-07T18:28:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit: Unknown

Currently thankful for: Sun shining through the clouds on an otherwise cold, rainy day; being productive; inside jokes; listening to the random conversations that occur on third floor Humanities; unexpected opportunities

Finals week: time for more procrastination! Yay! I only have one more to go, but I am so unmotivated, like I can't even begin to say. Hence the reason I'm writing this. I'm pretty sure you all know by this point that I like music...a lot. It's pretty much impossible for me to pick all-time favorites, but I figured I'd share some stuff that I've been liking lately (I've may have mentioned some of them before, so sorry in advance for any repeats!). So, in no particular order...

1. Matthew Mayfield

"Sing 'til you mean it and love 'til you feel it
'Cause I still believe in your heart
Don't let the waves push and pull you away
Now you're free and it sets you apart."
- Matthew Mayfield, "Now You're Free"

I love those lyrics! Ever since I got his Now You're Free album off of NoiseTrade (best site ever!), I've been a pretty big fan. I like his sound a lot, and the lyrics are pretty great, too!

2. The Walla Recovery
They're not very well-known, but I've really been liking their folksy, cello-driven sound lately (but really, when don't I like folk music? Especially when it includes an instrument like a cello? Yes, please!). Their songs have a lot of great spiritual themes without being cliche about it. Their song "Spoils of Warring Hearts" is excellent.

3. Andrew Belle
I love his music so much! It's a perfect balance between happy and contemplative...at least that's how I feel about it. He has so many good ones, but this song is one of my absolute favorites:

I'll admit, I don't completely get the video...but it's still kind of cool (and I still love the song).

4. Hymns in general
I know this is kind of odd, but I have been absolutely loving old hymns this semester. "Be Thou My Vision" has pretty much been my theme song since like, September, and I still sing it all the time. Others include (but are not limited to): "In Christ Alone"*, "How Firm a Foundation," "Solid Rock," and "Jesus Paid It All."

So. Freaking. Good.

5. Mat Kearney
This guy is just awesome. His Young Love album is amazing. It's so upbeat and happy and I just can't help but love it! I'm actually going to see him in concert with some friends next month, and I am super excited about it. A few of many favorite songs of his: "Ships in the Night," "Down," "Count on Me," and "All I Need" (from Nothing Left to Lose).

That's all I have for now. After tomorrow, I am free until January!(!!!!) Half of senior year: DONE. Scary thought!

*If I could choose one song to be my absolute all-time favorite, "In Christ Alone" would probably be it. For me, it says it all.

Procrastination (n): This post right here

2011-11-27T19:04:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit: Unknown

Listening to: "Element" by Matthew Mayfield
This song is seriously beautiful. I love it. I also love Matthew Mayfield. Get his Now You're Free album--"Element" included--for free on NoiseTrade (of course--seriously, that site is the best)! Good stuff, all of it.

Hey, friends. Seeing that I have a 7-page research paper to write (I currently have a page and a half), two smaller papers, and 50 pages of Frankenstein to read (I've read about 5), all by tomorrow, that obviously means it's time for me to procrastinate even more by writing a blog post. Some things never change.*

Digging Deep, cont.
Remember how I was talking about digging deep and such in my last post? Well, last Sunday after I wrote it, guess what Scripture the sermon was based around? Oh, Psalm 139 (which I ended the post with). And guess what his one comment on the last two verses (the ones I used) was? Oh, just that "search me" in the original Hebrew essentially means to dig deep. Ha! I love it.

Compassion
I started sponsoring a kid through Compassion International last week! His name is Prosenjit and he's 11 and from India. I'm super excited. It's something that I've wanted to do since I was like, 12, but was always afraid to commit to a monthly payment. Ever since the summer, though, I've kinda felt like it's something that God wanted me to do, but still, it took me a couple of months to finally decide that it's a faith thing: if He wants me to do it, He'll provide the money somehow. Besides, I have so much. Most of the world lives on less than a dollar a day. The average income for the area where Prosenjit lives? $15 a month. That's like 50 cents a day. I spend seven times that much--an entire week's worth of pay for them--multiple times a week on a cup of COFFEE. They'd have to save absolutely everything for nearly 4 months just to pay for a tank of gas. How's that for some perspective?

Not only that, but everything that Compassion stands for is exactly what I want to do with my life. For me, this is like taking the first step in actually fulfilling that. I like that they're all about changing lives at the individual level. I like that they recognize that the spiritual aspect is absolutely crucial, which is why they work through local churches. I just like what they do a lot. Their Holistic Child Development model makes perfect sense to me...hence the reason I'm planning to get my masters degree in just that! So even though I technically just started getting involved with them, what they stand for is something that I am really passionate about, so get ready: you're probably about to start hearing a lot more about it!

Thankful
Thankfulness is such a common theme for this time of year, but it's something that's been a recurring theme for me over the past couple of months, and not something I plan to change! I've been keeping a daily list of little things that I'm thankful for, and it's amazing how it has changed my perspective for the better!

The sound of rain
The 11(!) little kids I got to spend my Thanksgiving with (including 3 sweet girls who are convinced I'm a superstar)**
Good music
Christmas lights at Inman
Slowly understanding more & more about what God is up to...and even then, recognizing that I don't have a clue.

Things I Like

Everything about this room:

1. Photo clothesline, complete with vintage frame and painted knobs
2. Bird pillow (anything with bird silhouettes automatically means I love it)
3. Collage painting--I love, love, love the idea of decorating with my own artwork
4. Painted lampshade (and I like that teal lampshade, too!)

Tennessee print (love the lettering, love Tennessee):
"Rocky Top, you'll always be home sweet home to me."
This "Choose Joy" print. Birds & a reminder I need constantly--perfect:
"Choose joy. Because everything else is relative."

*Well, by the time I'm actually posting this, my paper has been completed. Only 7 hours of work. You know, no big deal... I just spent a lot of time procrastinating in between.
**Yes, 11 kids. My two cousins, my friend's two little girls, and 7 of her little cousins. If I ever have self-esteem issues, I just need to go hang out with them. I'm pretty sure Lizzie (6), Emma (4), & Mackenzie (8) are convinced that I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to planet Earth. I'm not really sure why, but hey, I'm not complaining!

Digging deep

2011-11-16T14:34:00.001-05:00

"Humble Gift" by Marie Elliot

Listening to: "How Firm a Foundation" by The Walla Recovery
(I have been on such a hymns kick lately. Kind of strange and random, I know, but this stuff is just so good! They just have so much substance to them, instead of being so focused on the emotional--not that emotional is bad--and I love that.)

Favorite thing: unexpectedly coming across stuff that lines up perfectly with everything I've been pondering on my own.

Lately, I've been thinking so much about pain and how the way you handle it is so vital to who you are, about how it brings out things in you that you never realized were there and forces you to deal with them, about how incredibly important having a strong foundation is for anything else you encounter. One of the biggest things: As hard and painful as it's been, I am so thankful that God has used the past few months to get my attention and forced me to dig into the deepest parts of my heart to get rid of everything that's been buried there, things I had no idea even existed. Digging deep like that isn't easy--at all. It's so difficult to have to face yourself for who you really are…and even more so to actually deal with it. Still, it's so, so worth it.

As I was reading my Bible yesterday, this verse really stood out to me:

"As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built."
- Luke 6:47-48 (NIV)

Seriously? Down to the exact wording of what I've been thinking. I had no idea the "dug down deep" part even existed. This is exactly where I am right now: getting rid of everything inside that's in the way of building the foundation I need for everything that's coming next. I don't know what that will be, but it's exactly why God has been pushing me: "Seek Me first. Don't worry about what comes next--this step is most important." Without this, everything that comes next will be worthless because there's nothing to build on. Case in point:

"But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."
- Luke 6:49

So then, last night, I had to read another chapter in Sexy Christians by Ted & Diane Roberts, a book for my Human Sexuality class. (Ahem. Good book, exceptionally ridiculous title.) To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it. While I do like the book, I've been making a point to avoid it because quite frankly, I've been avoiding anything having to do with relationships lately.* This chapter, though? Could not have been more perfect. It was completely focused on pain, finding purpose in it, dealing with it correctly, how it forces you to deal with who you really are. It also emphasized the importance of pain in coming to really know God. Like I said--perfect. Some favorite quotes:

"In Abraham's culture, fathers found their value and future in their heritage--particularly in their firstborn sons. In this environment, it seemed almost natural for Abraham to develop an unhealthy addiction to Isaac. But do you see what God did? He loved Abraham enough to bring him to the knifepoint of finding his value solely in his relationship with his heavenly Father."**

(I like the idea that sometimes, pain is actually proof of God's love for us.)

"What we do with our pain is one of life's determining factors…. What we do with our pain determines the depth of our character…"***

They go on to say that, when it comes to pain, you have two options:

Option 1: Pain + Purpose = Freedom
Option 2: Pain + Pleasure = Bondage****

Basically, you can use the pain to grow and come to know God in a way you never have before, or you can bury the pain by distracting yourself with other things, denying that perhaps there are things within you that need to change. God often uses pain to get our attention, but we have to be willing to acknowledge Him...and that requires us to dig. Deep. Painful? Very. But so very, very worth it in the end.

"Fairytale Tree" by Chinitsu

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

- Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

*Usually my favorite subject, but I need a break from it just now :)

**Sexy Christians, p. 201

***Sexy Christians, p. 202

****Sexy Christians, p. 202

Waiting, always waiting.

2011-11-03T23:48:00.001-04:00

Listening to: "The Ladder" by Andrew Belle
(Lyric love: "On a ladder from there to here, I'll climb / All these clatter between my ears I find / Does it matter if I can't clear my mind? / There's a right and a wrong time." -- I have been listening to his music waaay too much much lately. I can't help it! This song in particular is one of my favorites. So good. Check out the music video here!)

Wait. That's the only thing I seem to hear lately. It's probably one of the most frustrating answers to get: a mix between hope for a yes and the reality that the answer may still be no.

I hate uncertainty.

It doesn't help things that I'm the kind of person who loves figuring things out. I love finding the connections between things (and, oh, the connections I find!). Basically, I tend to be a big picture kind of girl when it comes to stuff like this. I'll try to wrap my mind around the entire thing when God just wants me to focus on the detail work that it takes to actually get there. I see so many of these big connections, yet in the context of where God has me right now? Those things don't matter. Just because something is there doesn't mean it's relevant at the moment.*

Psalm 27 has come up so many times over the past month or so. Seriously, it's been everywhere! The verses that have stood out the most:

“My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, LORD, I will seek.” - Psalm 27:8 (NIV)

and

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” - Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Both line up exactly with what I feel like God's telling me lately: “Wait. Be hopeful. Be content with now. Don't worry about what happens next; just focus on Me. Just wait.”

That's hard for me. I struggle with being present. I'm great at looking back--I can analyze the past like nothing else (which I do...often). I'm also good at looking ahead--predicting the future seems to be a favorite pastime of mine (but one I'm really, really bad at). But focusing on right now? Not my thing. Yet I know that it's exactly what I have to do. There's a reason He hasn't answered yet. I have to go through the process of now to get to the end result...whatever that may be.

Ultimately, the wait is exactly what solidifies everything I've been learning up until now. All the lessons in faith, hope, trust, etc.--they're so important, and they're in my heart, but at the same time, if the process ended here? I'm pretty sure I'd lose it all within a month or two. Waiting can be really dull because the excitement of learning so many new things isn't there, but I'm starting to think that it's the most important part of all.

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:4 (NIV)

"Pressing On" by Unknown

Some things I'm liking lately:

These birds-on-a-wire photo clips are wonderful. $10 for a set of 8 is a little on the pricey side for me, but I'm almost thinking it's worth it.
Pretty silver leaf necklace from Morgan Prather on Etsy. Simple, nature-y...of course I like it.
This ampersand print. (Actually, anything with an ampersand is probably something I like... That's probably kind of cliche. Oh well.)
Pallet art. This is one of my favorite hymns, and I absolutely love this particular lyric. So good.

*That being said, it's definitely relevant in the long run. Sometimes, though, it does more harm than good to focus on the end result. If I'm so caught up in where I'm ultimately supposed to be, I lose my focus on the task at hand, and right now is necessary in getting to where I need to be. It's all a process--it can't happen all at once.

Just like autumn

2011-10-29T23:00:00.000-04:00

Photo Credit: julkusiowa

Currently thankful for: Gorgeous fall weather, trips to Chilhowee to see the leaves and watch the sunset, random trips to Jenkins with good friends, good music, hot chocolate!
(Also, a sense of humor to laugh at the worst awkward situations. Seriously, my life is destined to be a sitcom. Things happen to me that happen on episodes of Friends, not in real life. Except they do happen in my life. I guess I should be used to it by now.)

As I'm writing this, I'm at one of my favorite places: a big rock on top of a mountain, overlooking a lake and a beautiful sunset, with colorful leaves fluttering around me, crunching when I walk.

Autumn is my favorite time of year.

Ironic, because not only is it the most beautiful season to me, it's also one of the saddest. Everything is dying, and I know that soon, the trees will be bare, the grass will be brown, and I'll be stuck indoors until March.

Still, without the death that autumn brings, there can be no changing leaves, no color, no bonfires or caramel apples, none of the vibrance of the season that I love the most. The best things can't come without pain.

And yes, spring will come eventually. New life always follows death. Things won't hurt forever. And I do love springtime as well. The warmth, the flowers, the green, the birds. It's a close second favorite.

Even so, there's just something special about the fall.

The more I experience, the more I go through the changes of life, the more I begin to realize: there's something special about the hardest times. Yes, they hurt so much, and no, I probably wouldn't choose them if given an option. But it's through this kind of pain that the most beautiful changes come. Somehow, the most joy comes in the times that hurt the most. Sometimes, it's not about pushing through and waiting for the hard times to be over; it's about finding the incredible joy that can only be found in them. It's something I don't understand, but it's the most special kind of joy and peace that I've ever experienced.

It's the hardest times that force things in me to die. And when they die, I learn what it means to really live. I learn to see Him again.

When I am weak, He is strong.
Whoever loses his life will gain it.
Dying, we live.

Sometimes, the beauty can only be found in the loss. Just like autumn.

Linked: A Holy Experience

Friends in unexpected places

2011-10-26T00:27:00.000-04:00

Photo Credit: Johan Lind

Listening to: "Moving Backwards" by Ben Rector
"Standing still isn't easy when the world's moving backwards." I love Ben Rector and I love this song. He's just good. I definitely recommend checking out his sampler on NoiseTrade. This song isn't on there, but two more of my favorites ("The Beat" and "When a Heart Breaks") are.

I've made a new friend this semester.

His name is Roy, he's 83 years old, and he's one of the sweetest men you will ever meet. Also, he really, really likes soccer.

I first noticed him at the very beginning of this semester. He was sitting by himself on a bench by the soccer field, as he does nearly every single day, and I had such a strong urge to go and talk to him. That doesn't happen to me all that often, and as soon as the thought came, along with it came a million excuses for why I shouldn't.

"I don't know him."
"What would I even say?"
"That's kind of an awkward thing to do."
"I'm not all that great at initiating conversations with people I don't know."
"I've never been good at talking to elderly people."

Blah, blah, blah.

Still, the silly excuses won out, so I smiled (I can do that) and kept walking...and felt really lame about it afterwards.

A couple of weeks later, I had to drop off something before my 3:00 class, so I left 10 minutes earlier than usual. He was sitting there again, and I had to walk right by his bench on my way. I smiled at him, and he gave me a huge smile in return, along with, "Hey! How are you doing?" Well, there was no way I was going to keep walking then, so I went over to him and we chatted for a couple of minutes. He told me all about the soccer game from the night before, and about how great the team was doing, and how much he loved the nice weather. Eventually, I had to continue on to class, but just those few minutes brightened my whole day. Since then, I always try to stop and talk to him when I see him, even if it's only for a second.

So anyway, today has been really rough for me. Overall, I'm doing okay, but there are just those days, you know? After classes, I was feeling really lame, so I just went home and poured a bowl of cereal for lunch (my cabinets are empty--definitely time for a trip to the grocery store!). I took a bite and immediately gagged. Nothing like a spoonful of spoiled milk. Ugh. Off to the PCSU for Chick-fil-A it was. On my way over, I saw Mr. Roy sitting on his bench again. Honestly, I didn't feel like stopping to talk, and was going to settle for a quick wave and a smile and be on my way. Just as I was about to cross the street, though, I couldn't. All I could think was, It's just a minute of small talk. Why pass up the chance to brighten someone else's day, just because I don't feel so awesome? So I made a quick turn and went over to say hi. We chatted for a second, he asked how I was, and I told him I was heading to get lunch. He paused for a second, then asked, "Well, where are you going for lunch?" I told him. Another pause. Then, "Well, can I come with you? Maybe we can sit and eat together!"* Obviously, I wasn't going to pass that up, so off we went to the PCSU. I bought his lunch, so he insisted on buying me a Coke, and we went and sat outside to eat.

It wasn't much, and honestly it was a little awkward at times when I didn't know what to say, but at the same time, it made my day so much better. I was hoping to give what I could to brighten his day a little, but I'm pretty sure he did a million times more for me than I did for him! He even asked me to come sit and watch the soccer game with him on Saturday :) It's just another one of those little things that come from the most unexpected places. Those are always the best.

Until next time (a slightly more serious list of things I like)...

MacBook Pro. My computer decided to randomly die over fall break, so I decided it was time to make the switch. I am so glad--I love it.
Psalm 33:20: "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield." (NIV)**
SCL: Why I Hate Surrender. I love Jon Acuff and I love Stuff Christians Like. This is one of his serious posts, but it's a good one.
A Holy Experience: Why It's Worth It to Keep on Hoping. This is from the same blog that this post came from, and it affected me in the exact same way.*** Absolute perfect timing.
"Jesus Paid It All." This song says everything.

*This was so precious to me. He was so sweet and eager and excited about it. I love it.
**Actually, I really like that whole section--verses 16-22. I can't rescue myself from any situation; I'm not strong enough...even at my strongest. Only God. Even when it seems like He's nowhere to be found, I have to trust that He's going to help me, because seriously, what other hope do I have? Without Him, I'm screwed.
***I have never been a crier, but good grief. God keeps sending me little things that are so perfect at just the right time, and they hit me so hard. I can't help myself!

Be Thou My Vision

2011-10-15T00:40:00.000-04:00

Currently thankful for: The best friends...ever, Inman St. Coffeehouse (but not caffeine)*, gorgeous fall weather, and the fact that fall break starts in 5 days!
(I've been trying my best to keep a running list of the little things I find to be thankful for on any given day. It's kind of amazing how much it helps me in keeping a good perspective on things!)

This song has been on my mind so much over the past few days. Sometimes, old hymns are the best thing I can possibly hear. The lyrics are so simple, yet so sincere and beautiful. I love how, even though this was originally written in the 8th century--1,300 years ago--it's still exactly how I feel now.

"Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,
I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my breastplate, sword for the fight;
Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;
Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:
Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
Thou mine inheritance now and always;
Thou and thou only first in my heart;
High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

*Who needs drugs when you have caffeine? Seriously, my body freaks out whenever I have it, even in small doses. A regular cup of coffee makes me jittery and on edge for a full 12 hours. No lie. Please, if you're ever with me, always force me to get decaf! In other news, the new Inman St. Coffeehouse is awesome and if you haven't been, you should go. It's cheaper (and better, in my opinion) than Starbucks, they're open until 11:00 every night, the profits go to support the Salvation Army, and they have Guitar Hero. What else do you need?

It's the little things...

2011-10-05T13:51:00.000-04:00

Listening to: LIGHTS' new album, Siberia
Definitely didn't realize that this was released yesterday. It's okay, but I think I prefer The Listening. Either way, thank you, Spotify, for letting me listen without having to spend money I don't have.

Photo Credit: Unknown

Today, I can't stop smiling.

Nothing particularly special has happened. It's been a pretty average Wednesday, really. This week, though, I've started seeing God everywhere, and I can't get over how amazing that is. It's never anything huge or spectacular; it's the little things. And somehow, those tend to be so much more special to me.

For my Human Sexuality class, I'm reading Sex God by Rob Bell. Generally speaking, I'm not a huge fan of his, but this book is actually really good...especially the fourth chapter. I usually don't highlight or underline my books, but this chapter is just too good and relevant not to. Interestingly enough, it's about lust, but as I'm figuring out (and if you read it, you'll understand), lust isn't always about sex. It can be about anything. Adam and Eve in the Garden?

"In most cases, there's nothing wrong with [the things we lust for] inherently.... The problem for Adam and Eve is what the fruit has come to represent. Rebellion against God." (Sex God, p. 72)

He talks about contentment and why that's so important--

"When we're not at peace, when we aren't content, when we aren't in a good place, our radar gets turned on. We're looking.... There's a hole, a space, a gap, and we're on the search. And we may not even realize it. When we are in the right place, the right space--content and at peace--we aren't on the search and our radar gets turned off." (Sex God, p. 73)

I could go way into what I've learned about peace and contentment and what that means, but I'll save that for another time. Basically though, it's finding my satisfaction in God alone. Wherever He has me in life is enough because He put me there. It's true joy.

"It's easy for our thoughts to be dominated by a craving.... It takes ahold of us. We are not free. Lust is slavery. If I want something to the point that I can't conceive of being content without it, then it owns me.... What started out as freedom can quickly become slavery.... Freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it." (Sex God, p. 74-75)

He hits the nail on the head with that one. I can't even elaborate. Because when I read that, something clicked. I finally got it.

And that brings me to my main point.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about being thankful. This is another thing Bell talks about in this chapter:

"Gratitude is so central to the life God made us for. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life we do get to live, we'll constantly be looking for another life." (Sex God, p. 74)

Over the past several days, I feel like God has been trying to teach me that. Be content. Be at peace. Be thankful. Like I said before, I like the little things in life. At the same time, sometimes I forget to look for them, and with the little things, looking is essential. If I'm caught up in all of the problems with my life, I'm never going to notice everything around me that God has given me. I'll never notice the little things.

That being said, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to be thankful. When I'm bombarded with thoughts of everything that's going wrong, I want to be able to redirect my thoughts and think about the good things...even when there are no major things in my life that are going right. That's where the little things come in.

* * *

Perfect sunny days. The way the wind blows through the trees. Randomly waking up at 7am and looking out my window to see hints of color from the sunrise. Spontaneous trips to Chattanooga. Ridiculous chapel services that I don't get at all, but hey, at least they make me laugh:

"A lot of Lee students are literally frozen and unable to do what God has called them to do." Literally, huh? I guess that ice gets pretty inconvenient.

"We've gotta sing this song. We have to or I'm gonna blow up." Uhhh...yeah... Calm down.

Finally being able to smile at someone I've had trouble forgiving for 2 years. Opportunities (and extra time) to reconnect with friends I love but don't get to see as often as I'd like. When classes are relevant to my personal life. Having time to read for fun. Iced coffee between classes. Stopping to make small talk about soccer and the weather with a sweet elderly man I regularly see on campus. The everyday conversations with friends that aren't particularly memorable but make life happier.

Photo Credit: im-on-tambourine

"Always be joyful. Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus."

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NCV)

Blessings in disguise

2011-09-27T16:14:00.000-04:00

"Birdsong" via We Heart It

Listening to: "Strong Enough to Save" by Tenth Avenue North

(Yet another song that has come at the perfect time. I like how God tends to speak to me through the things I enjoy the most: music, books, nature, friends... It's kinda cool, really.)

(I have a lot to say lately. To avoid writing the longest blog of the century, however, I think I'm going to break it up into smaller pieces. It's a little too much to take in all at once, even for me!)

I was reading some of my old posts the other day, and I came across one I wrote back in April that made me laugh. It wasn't actually funny, but oh, the irony! Life wasn't bad, just really boring and routine, and I was getting tired of it. I even went so far as to say that I missed sophomore year. Ha! Well, wish no more, because I'm pretty sure I'm living out fall 2009, round two. They're so parallel, it's a little freaky. That's what I get for asking God to teach me something. Never again! From here on out, I will be content with boredom and let Him teach me on His own time. This isn't quite what I signed up for! Geez.

Anyway. As promised, I wanted to blog about this song:

Blessings
Laura Story

"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

And all the while, you hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

And what if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?"

I think I could go on for days about these lyrics. To be honest, this isn't the kind of song I would typically like, but the lyrics are so meaningful that I can't help myself.* I heard it so many times this summer (it made me cry almost every time, but at the same time, I tried my hardest to ignore it. What my problem was, I don't know). The other day, though, I was driving around by myself for 3 hours straight, and it came on at the most perfect time possible. I've been hooked ever since. It is so fitting to where I am right now. A few lines I wanted to comment on...

* * *

"All the while, You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things."

Whoa. It hit me so hard the first time I realized what this actually said. God does hear every word I say; He's not up there ignoring me or withholding the things I so desperately want just for the heck of it. When God says no, it's for my benefit. Always. If what I'm asking for is less than what is ultimately best for me, He loves me too much to give it to me. He can't give me less than His absolute best. It sounds cliché in some ways, but when that kind of realization really hits you, it's huge. That's something I've been trying to get through my head lately. It's not easy. Most of the time, I feel like, "Well, I don't want better. I just want this!" Yet I can't see what's ahead. I have no idea what's coming next in my life. In reality, I have no idea what I really need. I just have to trust that He does.

* * *

"We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love, as if every promise from Your Word is not enough."

Well, that's my summer summed up in three sentences. Praying over and over and over for wisdom, for God to speak to me, to know what the heck I'm supposed to do next, yet...no answer. It's so frustrating, and yeah, anger has been my response a good bit of the time.

A couple of weeks ago at church, Allan Lockerman pointed out something that I had never thought about before.** He was talking about Isaiah 50:10-11, and at one point, it refers to trusting "in the Name of the Lord." Not in the Lord--in His Name. I've always kind of wondered about that, but assumed there was no distinction. Not so. He explained that, particularly in Hebrew culture, someone's name is who they are, their character. I can't always sense that God is near, but I can always trust Him to be true to Himself. I can always trust that His character will never change.

I doubt God so much, yet I have no legitimate reason whatsoever. He has proved Himself over and over again, not only in the lives of others, but in mine. He has never, ever shown Himself to be anything less than what He says...but still, I doubt. Why? He has promised me so much. That should be enough, even if I don't see it right now.

* * *

"What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?"

This is a concept I've struggled to grasp. I get it in my head, and I can totally apply it to other people. Actually, I can usually apply it to myself, but this time? I've had a really, really hard time with it. I think I'm starting to get it though. I don't understand much of anything that's happened over the past few months, but I'm coming the the conclusion: the less I understand and the harder the situation, the less I can depend on myself. That forces me to depend on God, causing me to trust Him and grow closer to Him. Even aside from the fact that it could be preparing me for something I can't see yet, or protecting me, or whatever...isn't that in itself worth it? He's worth everything. Knowing Him is the most important thing. Whatever it takes to get that is absolutely worth it, no question.

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

* Generally speaking, I haven't been a huge fan of Christian music for the past few years. Lately though, I'm finding myself listening to it more and more. Go figure.
** Common occurrence. I love that man.

"When it's hard to still keep on hoping..."

2011-09-21T18:25:00.001-04:00

Credit: theonlysong

Listening to: "Blessings" by Laura Story

(This song came on the radio the other day at the most perfect time possible. I'll actually probably post something more about it sometime in the near future. The lyrics are wonderful.)

Generally speaking, I'm not one to re-post stuff other people have written unless it's a short quote or song lyrics. I randomly came across this today though, and it could not have been more perfect for where I currently am. This week has been especially difficult, and earlier this afternoon, I prayed that God would give me something to encourage me and help me. Thirty seconds later, I read this (once again proving that He knows me well).

* * *

"The earth’s cold under the finger nails.

I dig holes with a wedge of steel and around fringes of the domed sky, the clouds scud gray.

Dad had called first thing in the morning: if I had anything to do outside, today looked like the last day. Might be the last warm day to dig in bulbs, before autumn begins her blustery, muddy wrestle.

I’d nodded. Yes, Dad. Bulbs, today, will do. And last clean up of the flowerbeds. Thank you for calling, thinking of me, Dad.

I’d hardly hung up the receiver before it rang again, a friend, whose first words spoke of weather too: brooding storm bearing down.

'What do I do when I just don’t know how to go on?' Her voice cracks, flash of pain forking across skies.

I listen to expectations struck, her hopes snapped off in gale.

'Just a day to be sad, I guess,' she finishes, beaten. 'Today, I’m not up to trying to fix or solve any of it. Just grieving today.' And then the quiet rain of tears. Together, we let the lament come.

Then I gather bulbs. Pull out the spade, and go dig holes, because I’m just dirt with no answers, only prayers.

'Why do we have to dig so deep?' Son’s face reddens in the excavating. Little One digs her own hole alongside mine.

'Well, Child, some things are meant to really be laid down.'

'I’m going to drop mine in now.' Son’s holding his bulb poised, looking my way for assurance.

'No!' Little One wails. 'Don’t put the flower so far down in the dark!' She tries to wrest the bulb from his hand. I scoop her angst all up close.

'But it has to go down in,' I brush the hair out of her eyes, kiss tip of that pug nose. And sometimes, Child, hope’s waiting is dark.

She turns her face up towards mine and our cheeks brush. 'Will we have to dig them up to get the flowers after the snow?' I squeeze her tight.

'No, Little One. When He’s ready, they will come up through the black earth as if by themselves.' We kneel down, drop a bulb into opening earth, then wait 'for the forces above and below and beyond our control to work upon' all these things. Son pats the earth down and over and Little One watches.

We bury hope in a tomb of its own.

Like the faith diggers do every day. We bury our swollen prayers in Him who’s raised from the tomb. We lay our hope, full and tender, into the depths of Him and wait in hope for God to resurrect something good. Good always necessitates long waiting.

Every tulip only blossoms after cold months of winter wait. Every human ever unfurled into existence through nine long months of the womb waiting. And the only kingdom that will last for eternity still waits, this millennia-long, unwavering-hope for return of its King. Instead of chafing, we accept that waiting is a strand in the DNA of the Body of Christ.

That this waiting on God is the very real work of the people of God.

Son digs again and I drop a bulb, life warm, into depths as dark as my friend’s sadness today.

Every person needs hope planted at the bottom of their hole.

Maybe I could plant a bit of hope in my friend’s ache?

I smile all the drive over to my friend’s. Knock on the front door. Read her confusion when she opens her front door, finds me standing there.

'Gotta little spade I can borrow?' I grin, hold out a hand full of bulbs.

'I just wanted to tuck some hope into that hole today. He’ll resurrect good things out of this too– hold on…. "Blessed are all who wait."'

Her chin trembles and she nods.

'They’ll be pink. Tall.' I show her hope with my hands.

'In the corner of the front flower bed? So I can see them from the window.' She manages a smile.

I grab her hand, squeeze tight.

We live in wait.

--Ann Voskamp

Cake, classes, & flannel shirts

2011-09-15T16:52:00.000-04:00

Listening to: "All About Us" by He Is We (featuring Owl City)

I love this song so much. I've kinda liked He Is We for awhile now, and of course, if you don't know that I love Owl City, we obviously have not been friends for very long. It's a nice combination, I think. :)

It feels like fall today! Unfortunately, I think this is because it's going to rain, but whatever. I'll take what I can get. At the very least, it's a good excuse to wear a flannel shirt.*

Anyway.

I am currently eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake from City Café. It is so good. City Café is a diner in Chattanooga that I, along with a few friends, went to yesterday for Audrey's birthday. They have a little bit of everything as far as food goes--also very good--but the cake! It's amazing. They have approximately 943204328 different kinds (regular cake and cheesecake alike), from Butterfinger to Coke to Raspberry White Chocolate. It was a little pricey for my tastes ($6 a slice), but since the slices are huge...it was justifiable. Besides, it's cake. How can you not justify cake?

In other news, I've just been (basically) enjoying the start of my senior year of college.** Classes are pretty cool, I got a job as a TA, and I've pretty much been living an otherwise uneventful life. God's been teaching me a lot, and I guess I'm slowly learning, as usual (two steps forward, one step back, repeat. I'll get there eventually). I could go into more detail about that, but I'll save it for another time. I'm not feeling particularly introspective at the moment. :)

In the meantime...

Pinterest. Because I like things.
The song "Autumn" by Ben Rector.

"So I watched the leaves fall
All of the way to the ground
And I knew that that was what love was
To die so that it could be found...

Winter's chill won't leave until
I let it lay me down
And you can't see the spring
'Til you're like the leaves
Here on the autumn ground"

Spotify. Free music + it's legal. Enough said.

*I'm kind of addicted to flannel shirts... I'm tempted to buy one every time I see one. Unfortunately (or luckily?), I rarely have money in my bank account to act on these temptations.
** Senior year? Um, what?(!?!?!?!)

I'm done.

2011-08-01T02:18:00.000-04:00

Listening to: "Small Enough" by Nichole Nordeman
Once upon a time, oh, about 2.5 years ago, I blogged about this song. (What I'd give to go back to the simplicity of freshman year. Relatively speaking, anyway.) It's always funny to me how songs from the past can come back and be so perfect and relevant for my life right now. It's definitely a good one, and my constant prayer lately, it seems.

So, life. It'd be cool if you'd start making sense sometime really, really soon. Just a thought, because I don't know how much more I can handle.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."
Psalm 51:10-12

I am so done with this summer.

Quick break from thinking

2011-07-13T18:14:00.005-04:00

Listening to: "Wondergirl" by Hey Monday
I discovered this band--and this song--when I went to that All Time Low/Yellowcard concert a couple of months ago. I can't help but love it. Catchy songs always get me.* Also, how gorgeous is that sunset?! I saw it a couple of weeks ago when I was camping at the lake with Kristi and her church college group. Sooo many colors--it was absolutely beautiful.

Since I don't feel like taking the time to actually organize my thoughts into a cohesive post, I'm cheating and making a list. (Thank you, bullet points, for letting me be disorganized without looking like it.)

Fishing Adventures. If you're ever bored, having a bad day, or just need some entertainment, go fishing with Mike and Jon. I guarantee it will solve any of the above problems. Trust me--I did it for 5 days in a row and have never been more amused in my life. (Having a really bad day? Go to Walmart with Jon beforehand. You will spontaneously buy t-shirts with fishing slogans on them and then attempt to convince him that he should not, in fact, buy a float so he can swim to the middle of the lake and fish off of it.)**
Worst. Beach. Ever. For anyone looking to go to the beach anytime soon, here's a hint: don't go to the East Beach at Ft. De Soto in St. Petersburg, FL. While visiting my Floridian family last week, we went to said beach. Upon arriving, we encountered swarms of mosquitoes, murky water, broken up shells that hurt to walk on instead of sand, no waves (unless the occasional boat went by, in which case you might have gotten a splash or two...maybe), and SAND GNATS. Then it rained. Don't go there.
Ecclesiastes 7:14: "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future."
Middle school flashbacks. I discovered a bunch of old CDs in my room from my middle school years (a la Jump5 and Hilary Duff). Naturally, I have proceeded to listen to all of them. In a word: wow (of both the good and bad variety). Is it bad that I still kind of like it?
Google+. I like it. It needs a few more features (not including Farmville), but once people actually start using it, I think it'll be really awesome! I'm not quite ready to replace Facebook, but I'm pretty interested to see where Google+ goes. Find me here!
Happy birthday to me! I turned 21 on the 3rd. This is still kind of weird to me...
BOOKS. While this hasn't exactly been an ideal summer, I have to give it this: I have loved being able to read so much! I've been through so many books in the past 2 months. Kristi loaned me about 6 books when I visited her and I've already finished 4 of them. Not to mention all of the other ones I have on my shelf to reread. Please feel free to send any suggestions my way. I have a whole month to fill and I like reading new things!

On that note, I'm ending this organized-disorganized post. I hope you all are having a wonderful summer! :)

*For more proof of my weakness for catchy music, see bullet point #4...
**Yes, this actually happened, and yes, he was actually serious about it. You're welcome, Jon, for saving you $40+.

Psalm 37:3-7

2011-06-19T02:03:00.014-04:00

Listening to: "You Alone" by David Crowder Band
(Love them, love this song. Really, it's too bad they're breaking up. :( Sigh.)

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

- Psalm 37:3-7

Possibly my favorite verse of all time. I'm trying my best to do just that.

Happy Things, Round 2

2011-06-14T16:45:00.010-04:00

Listening to: Owl City's new All Things Bright & Beautiful album!
(It just came out at midnight, and yes, I bought it right away. I am not ashamed to say that I love Adam Young. The man is brilliant. Besides, his music never fails to make me happy, and I need some happy music in my life right about now!)

I could get all introspective again today, but I'll spare you guys for now. Besides, I have enough introspectiveness going on at the moment; I think switching gears for awhile might be a good thing! So, in an attempt to have a more positive perspective...

Happy Thing #1: As mentioned above, Owl City just released a new album and I am loving it. How can you not be happy after listening to this?!

Actually, my favorite song from the album is "Honey and the Bee" (probably because Breanne Düren has a significant part...), but this one has been stuck in my head all day and makes me smile.

Happy Thing #2: These DIY candle holders. Maybe I need to get back in touch with my crafty side from elementary school and make these because I kinda want some. They don't sound too difficult to make (which would only add to the happy factor).

Materials
Candle holder with flat sides (any size)
Craft adhesive (multi-purpose for wood and glass surfaces)
Garden pruners
Dry tree or shrub branches
Step 1. Wash the candle holder with dish soap and dry well. Cut the branches down to sticks close to the height of the candle holder, it is best to cut a few at a time.

Step 2. Dab the glue on a stick making sure to hit the areas that will be flush to the glass. Place on the glass. You can do a few at a time and then hold until they won’t slide off before you rotate the holder.

Step 3. Repeat until all of the glass has been covered. As always, if using a candle holder do not leave these unattended! Isn’t the end result just magnificent?(via Fossil)

Happy Thing #3: The Dear Girls Above Me Twitter/website. Stupid people are so entertaining.

Happy Thing #4: This "left brain-right brain" ad by Mercedes-Benz. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm a psych major, but I find this to be awesome.

Happy Thing #5: The Best Obnoxious Responses to Misspellings on Facebook. I know, I know--I would like something like this. Sometimes, I wish I could be enough of a jerk to say these things...

Sunsets, stars, and saltwater

2011-05-28T22:17:00.009-04:00

Listening to: "The Spoils of Warring Hearts" by The Walla Recovery
I love NoiseTrade and random song discoveries via the shuffle feature on my Zune. I always manage to find songs that are so fitting for my current situation. God knows me well. :) You can get this one, along with the rest of their With Trembling EP, here.

According to Isak Dinesen, "The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea." Judging from this past week, I think he might be onto something. Sort of, anyway.

Without going into too much detail, these past couple of weeks have definitely not been the ideal way to begin summer (see my previous post for a more on that, even if it is a little vague). Basically, God asked me to make a decision that I honestly didn't--and still don't, really--understand. However, I've learned over the past almost-21 years that my understanding is not important; obeying God is. Either way, decisions always have their consequences, and I've been dealing with the repercussions of mine for the past 2 weeks.

To get my mind off of things, my family ended up going on a spur-of-the-moment vacation to Mexico Beach, FL. Kristi got to come with us, which was awesome. I am sooo glad I got to go--especially considering I haven't been to the beach in 4 years! It certainly didn't solve all of my problems or anything, but I suppose it was somewhat therapeutic. I mean, really, how can such beautiful sunsets be anything but?

Seriously--so gorgeous. The first night was especially beautiful, at least to me. After a stunning sunset (see the pic at the beginning of the post), the sky was so clear. Kristi, Darren, & I walked about a mile down the beach to the pier and I stared up at the stars for about an hour. There's something very peaceful about sitting in silence, listening to the waves crash on the beach, with a clear, starry sky overhead. I like it (though I have to say, as much as I enjoy the beach, it still doesn't compare to being in the middle of the mountains next to a river. Personal preference, of course). The only real downside to the trip was the crazy sunburns that both Kristi and I got on the very first day. I'm pretty sure it was the most painful sunburn I've ever had. It was even hard to sleep because it hurt so much. At least I got a nice tan out of the deal...as long as it doesn't decide to all peel off. Ugh. So far, so good.

Still, as good as it was, it wasn't the usual beach trip for me. Typically, I feel nothing but contentment while watching the waves, seeing the sun set over the ocean, etc. Although I did enjoy all of the above this past week, the thing I felt most was pure frustration. Frustration with life, frustration with myself, frustration with God. It was getting to the point where I was becoming almost angry. I was constantly thinking, "God, seriously. What are You thinking? How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to do that? Blah, blah, blah, blah." (Well, maybe not in those words...but you get the idea.) He was finally like, "Brittany, stop. You need to chill. Whatever happened to being content with wherever I put you in life? This is where I have you now and you need to deal with it. Being upset isn't going to get you anywhere."* Then, me still being me, "Yeah, but really, I don't understand how you expect me to [insert some specific action here] or even [another specific action]. That just doesn't make sense. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I've already proven that it's literally impossible, and..." And God, once again, "...I don't recall ever asking you to do those things. I asked you to obey Me in this one thing and trust Me for the rest." And then...

"Be still and know that I am God."

Stop planning, stop worrying, stop being frustrated. Just be still.

Over the past few years, I've begun to discover that I don't know anything. Can't know anything, with the exception of one thing: God. God is faithful, God is trustworthy, God is good, God is perfect. No matter what else is happening in my life, no matter how crazy or uncertain, even if everything I thought to be constant falls apart completely, I can trust that He will always stay the same. Instead of striving and trying to fix everything on my own, He only asks that I simply be still...and know.

And really, when it all comes down to it, what else can I possibly do? He is the only one who can solve any of these problems, so why am I wasting so much time worrying and being frustrated over something that I don't even have the power to change? Answer: because my name is Brittany and that's what I do. Heh. Seriously though--that's probably my number one thing to work on right now.

Just be still and know.**

*Sometimes, God has to be kinda blunt with me to get the point across, as can be seen here. Heh.
**I kinda feel like I sound like some random inspirational devotional or something. Sorry about that--totally not my intention!

Trust and obey.

2011-05-19T21:58:00.016-04:00

Listening to: "Light Up The Sky" by The Afters
(It's amazing to me how God can use a simple song to be so comforting. This song has made it to the top of my iTunes most played list within the past couple of days. It's a good one.)

"There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul."

- Elisabeth Elliot

Trust. It seems to be the number one recurring theme in my life, a lesson I'm constantly learning in various degrees, in a variety of ways.

Sometimes it's exciting.
Sometimes it's scary.
Sometimes it's painful.

And then there are the times when it becomes so frightening and excruciating that you feel like you can't survive, when understanding is nonexistent, and you feel as if God has completely blindsided you for no particular reason.

Now is one of those times.

I never expected to be here, but since when does God work within my expectations? If there was any other way, I would have chosen it, but in this case, God gave me no other option. Once again, I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to trust Him and obey whatever He tells me, even when it hurts. Even when doesn't make sense. I have no idea what's coming next. I've never been very good at predicting the future (case in point) but I always seem to try anyway. This time, though? The only thing I can do is take life one step at a time, because everything is completely out of my hands at this point. All I can do is trust. And, somehow, that has to be okay.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."

- Hebrews 10:36

Summer, summer, summer!

2011-05-07T19:05:00.004-04:00

Reading: The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
(I've been intrigued by this book for awhile, so when I found it at Books-A-Million for $4, I decided to go for it. I'm a little over halfway through. I'm not quite sure what I think of it, but I'll give it this: it's interesting.)

IT'S SUMMER!

I am so relieved. This finals week was the most stressful yet--4 big exams and a time-consuming final project, combined with job-hunting (fail), definite lack of sleep, and packing up/cleaning for my twice-a-year move (gotta love living on campus...). Oh, and my dog died. Great week, let me tell you! BUT, I survived, and am now basking in the fact that I HAVE NOTHING TO DO FOR A MONTH! Granted, I'm sure I'll be sick of this within the week, and I do wish I could've found a job, but then again, I think I needed a break from life in general. Maybe this is a good thing.

One thing I've been doing like crazy lately: reading. I don't even remember the last time I was in this much of a reading mood, but I have missed it immensely. I forgot how good it feels to hide away by myself and just read sometimes. After these past couple of weeks, it's been somewhat therapeutic. I'm hoping it keeps up, so if anyone has any book recommendations, feel free to send them my way!

Anyway, I don't have much to say other than that. I mostly just wanted to express my joy and relief over summertime. Everything else is irrelevant at this point (well, mostly).

Wanted: Adventure

2011-04-23T23:14:00.012-04:00

Listening to: "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City

I need an adventure.

Lately, life has become a little too boring and routine for my tastes, and I guess I'm getting a little restless. Sigh. Really though, it's been the exact same thing nearly every day:

Wake up
Go to class
Head to the library for homework
Hang out with my boyfriend/friends (which usually involves sitting around, doing nothing)
Go to bed

And I mean, I'm cool with all those things (minus the class and homework, and sometimes the waking up part), but with no spontaneity to mix things up, it gets a little old. The past few days, I've been missing, of all times, sophomore year. Parts of it were as close to hell as I've come, but it definitely wasn't lacking in adventure. I miss that. Unfortunately, I have no idea what to do about it. Life just keeps getting busier and busier, with more responsibilities that I can't slack on, and once I fulfill all of them, my day is suddenly over. I don't think I like this whole growing up thing.

Speaking of growing up, I need a job. Desperately.* I've applied to sooo many places, and so far, nothing has worked out at all. Ugh. I need something within the next 2 weeks, or it's going to be a long, long summer for me. Help!

Anyway, while April hasn't been quite as wonderful as usual, I've still managed to squeeze in a couple of fun things...

Yellowcard/All Time Low Concert
Since Mike and I have managed to date for 5 months so far, Yellowcard played a concert for us. Or maybe their show with All Time Low in Atlanta just happened to fall on our 5 month "monthiversary" (not that I'm counting or anything). You know, same thing, right? Either way, it was fun. Yellowcard is wonderful, and they ended up playing a good number of my favorite songs by them, which made my night. Also, I discovered another band that I really liked (Hey Monday). All Time Low was, uh, interesting. They had a contest of sorts to see who could get the most bras on their mic stand, but I'll leave it at that. (I don't think I've ever seen that many flying bras in my life...not that I usually see them, ever, but that's beside the point.)

Thunder Over Louisville
Thunder is typically one of my favorite annual events, and it was still fun this year, but I have to say, the weather was not ideal. For one thing, the temps didn't get higher than the 50s, and with the wind, it was slightly chilly...never mind that the rest of the weekend was generally sunny and warm. It was also a little rainy. The river was apparently 11 feet higher than normal, causing a decent amount of flooding:
That's usually a sidewalk. Heh. Oh well. We still managed to have a good time, in spite of everything. (As a side note...oh, the things that can happen in 2 years!!)
Hiking
I miss hiking all the time. Oh well, I guess I'll take what I can get! It was definitely a beautiful day for it. Kristi and I got to lay by a waterfall and talk while the guys ran off in the woods and nearly killed themselves. Discovering their manhood or something, I don't know. Either way, it was a fun day. I need more days like that.
Well, that's my life at the moment! Until next time...

*I know, I know--one more thing to add the routine-ness of life, but in this case, I don't have much of a choice!

Life, love, & design.

2011-03-08T21:26:00.003-05:00

Listening to: "Waking Up" by Olin & the Moon

(I love websites like NoiseTrade and Brite Revolution. So much great, free music to be discovered. I've found some of my now-favorite songs through them. Definitely something to check out! This song in particular is one of those chill, rainy day-type songs. For whatever reason, songs like that tend to be my favorites. Anyway. Get it on Brite Revolution.)

Hello again! I think it's time for a real update. There are so many things spinning around in my head at the moment, but I think most of them can be classified under one of three things, hence the title of this post.

Life
First: A quick breakdown on what's going on with me. Overall, life is good. However, I've decided that spring semesters just aren't as good as fall semesters (though much less dramatic, which I am perfectly okay with). Oh well. Currently...

Spring break! Yay! After changing plans 85 times, I decided to come home until Wednesday night. Mike's going to pick me up in Atlanta and after he gets off work on Thursday, we're heading to Kentucky to see his parents for a day. I'm actually kinda excited about that.
Ridiculous reviews on Amazon. Today, I discovered this gem of a review for Mae's (a)fternoon EP:

"This is music. If you like music, buy this. This is not a box of croutons. If you want croutons you are looking in the wrong place. In Pieces is a good song. Better than Prince, or anything from the 80's. If you are from the 90's you would probably rather listen to croutons shaking around than 80's music. If that's the case, buy this Mae album or a box of croutons, but not 80's songs."

Ummm...what?! Hahaha! People are so ridiculous.

Advance Class Selection. Oh my gosh. To think that I'm registering for classes for my senior year of college is mind-boggling. How on EARTH am I this old?* 27 hours to go, and only 9 of those consist of required classes. Hello, fun electives!

Love
Two things: 1) relationships are hard and 2) I don't love other people anywhere near as much as I should. Both have been bothering me lately.

First of all, relationships. The give-and-take side of love can be a hard thing, I'm finding, but at the same time, I wouldn't give it up for anything. My biggest problem right now? Dealing with all the petty criticism from other people. I never thought I'd say this, but it's making graduation look sweeter every day.

Photo Cred: Julian Bialowas

Second, I've been reading this book called Amazing Grace by Jonathan Kozol for my Child Development class, and I can't stop thinking about it. It focuses on the lives of children growing up in the South Bronx district of NYC, and while I do think the book has a bit of a political agenda and possibly overstates a few things, I also think it contains a good deal of truth. And that truth is slightly heartbreaking. I guess I just don't understand why we (myself included) feel that we have the right to treat certain people worse than others, simply based on social standing, be it economic status or popularity. We're all human. We all have hearts that can love and hurt with equal depth. We all have hopes and fears for the future. It's cliché to say, but underneath all of our differences, we're so similar. So some of us make bad decisions. Who doesn't? It's like no one cares to look a little deeper to try and understand the reasons behind the undesirable things we see in others, yet we're so resentful of those who judge us on a surface level. Why do we expect something from others that we aren't even willing to live up to ourselves? The book also has me thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life--and what I'm currently doing. I'm not completely sure what, specifically, I'm planning to do, but I do know that I want to make it a point in both my career and my everyday life to love the people that the rest of the world seems to deem "unlovable," no matter what. That I am sure of.

Design

Anyway, switching gears: I have been so obsessed with design-related stuff lately. Not that this is anything new, really--I'm always up for some good design. But I'll also go through phases where I seriously cannot get enough of it and now is one of those times. Blogs, magazines, anything. I love it.

Pro: It gets me thinking about creative ideas to implement later (i.e. future home, designs for my future freelance design business--or maybe just design classes, but hey, I can dream--or, you know, just whatever).
Con: I have to wait to implement them.

Anyway, here are a few things I've been liking lately:

Julian Bialowas' 365Q Photos
Seriously gorgeous-yet-simple photography/typography, and I like the quotes, too. After seeing these pictures, I kinda want to visit Alberta, Canada. You'll probably be seeing some of these show up in future posts (one of which can be seen above).

Rue Magazine

It's a fairly new online magazine devoted to design of all types (especially interior). There's some really great stuff to be found! I mean, seriously, I even like the ads. Since it's an online magazine, if you see something you like, you can usually click on it for a direct link to buy. Pretty cool! As far as particular favorites, I'm kinda liking the modern-rustic design in the Brooke Giannetti article on page 37 of the latest issue. Seems like a good combination for me.

Random Collaborations of Other Cool Stuff**

I just like things. Like these:

1. Firefly wedding invitations 2. "Me & You" engraved pencils 3. Ventricle vase 4. "Things To Do When Bored" poster 5. Chalkboard paint

So! That's my life lately. Hopefully, I won't go so long between "real" updates next time, but with me, you never can tell. Until then, I hope things are going awesomely for the rest of you!

*No, I don't actually think 20 is "old," but I do think that it's old for me. How can I possibly already be an "adult"?! What the heck, life? Stop going by so fast!
**Ahem. In case you didn't pick up on this, every word in that subtitle is a link to a different design-related blog. Enjoy!

A quick note so I can say I blogged in February

2011-02-28T22:19:00.005-05:00

Confession: The only reason I'm updating this right now is to reassure everyone that I'm alive...but mostly so I can keep up with my record of having at least one blog entry a month. I know, I'm lame. And I actually do have a few things I could write about, but I'm a little short on time at the moment, so that will have to wait for later. Hopefully soon.

Anyway. I'm now off to let my boyfriend teach me how to drive his car. Always an interesting time.

An uneventful life doesn't make for good blogging.

2011-01-26T15:45:00.000-05:00

Listening to: "Hero" by Regina Spektor

Obviously, blogging has not been my forte lately. Oops. Maybe my life will suddenly become more eventful so I'll have things to write about. Or maybe I'll just have to post random things every now and then until spring. Either way. Until then, you can watch this.

Things I Like

2010-12-24T22:25:00.000-05:00

Listening to: "All That I Want" by The Weepies

Merry Christmas Eve! Being the procrastinator (and broke college student) that I am, I did all of my Christmas shopping today between 3 and 5pm. Amazingly enough, I was successful and managed to survive the rest of the last-minute shoppers as well. (Hi, I'm Brittany, and I am awesome.)

Anyway, since home isn't terribly exciting, I've had plenty of time to discover a bunch of random things that I like, so I thought I'd share. Ah, I love the Internet.

"Thought of You" by Ryan J Woodward. I love this. Gorgeous animation, one of my favorite songs ("World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies)...what more do you want?
"How I Go" by Yellowcard. This song isn't new or anything, but I somehow just discovered it. Acoustic guitar, epic strings, and awesome guy/girl harmony. Perfection.
Jason Lee's Photography. For one thing, his daughters are some of the cutest kids on the planet, and I happen to think cute, creative, and funny makes for a good combination.
Cool logo designs. I love graphic design!
Creative business cards. If I ever have my own business, I want my cards to be as cool as these.
"Timescapes" by Tom Lowe. In a word: Mesmerizing.
Yeondoo Jung's Photography. He took children's drawings and then turned them into actual scenes. I love it!
"Virginia is for Lovers" by Mat Kearney. He apparently has a new album in the works, and you can get a free song download if you sign up for his email list!
Lifehacker. Any random information that makes my life easier is definitely my favorite.

That's all I have for right now. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! :)

Finals week, fall 2010: Success!

2010-12-13T11:59:00.002-05:00

Listening To: "If It's Love" by Train

I think it's safe to say that this finals week was the best yet. The exams weren't exactly my favorite, but I think all the fun stuff in between more than made up for it!

On the 3rd, after a much-needed roomie date to Rembrandt's...

Roommate, coffee, good conversation... Yes.

...I went to see Conrad Anker speak in Chatt. He's led several climbing expeditions, including some to Everest and Antarctica. Pretty sweet. I was originally supposed to go with Mike, but since he had to work, Kristi came along instead. I'm really glad--I've been needing some time with her anyway! After that was over, we walked around downtown a little. We ended up going into this organic grocery store called Greenlife and discovered they had a little café-type thing inside where they sold GELATO. Best. Discovery. Ever. Who cares if it was below freezing outside? Gelato is worth it.

Mango-pineapple gelato. Sooo good.

We always manage to have a good adventure!

The next night, I went with Mike to DJ a middle school dance. That was pretty fun--boyfriend, music, and getting to watch a bunch of kids act ridiculous. Sounds good to me! After we finished there, we went back to his place where a bunch of our friends were finishing up a Christmas/Hanukkah party, so it was fun to hang out with them for awhile.

Next up: Gingerbread houses! Kristi & Jaynese invited Mike, Jon, Will, Chris, and me over for dinner, followed by building and decorating gingerbread houses. I haven't done that in forever, so that was definitely a lot of fun!

This picture is my life.

Our house collapsed :(

The finished product!

After cleaning up, we went to Jon's place to hang out. We had already made plans to stay up all night and go watch the sunrise. We were all pretty exhausted though, so around 3:30am, we all crashed in Jon's living room for an hour. Around 4:45am, Mike, Kristi, Chris, and I headed up to Chilhowee. It was freezing (19 degrees, plus lots of wind), but this made it all worth it:

Good morning, world!

Seriously, most gorgeous sunrise ever. Check out more pictures here, here, and here. I wish I had the motivation to go see more sunrises because I like them just as much as sunsets. I just hate the early morning factor!

After sleeping for a few hours, a group of us went to Chatt for dinner and a movie. We went to Chili's to eat, and then ended up going to see The Town at the dollar theater (I love $1 Wednesdays!). This wasn't really my choice, as I'm not a fan of going to see movies like that without knowing what the heck to expect, but I survived it. It was pretty intense, but a good movie as far as storyline goes.

Friday, I spent the day running errands with Mike, going with him to DJ the Taekwondo awards ceremony/Christmas party (side note: I skipped rank!! I'm officially a level 2 green belt, which is pretty exciting for me. Totally wasn't expecting that), and then going out to Applebee's, courtesy of my parents (they gave him a gift card for his birthday). All in all, definitely a good day.

Saturday was Jaynese's graduation (I'll try to add pictures later, when I get them). So crazy--I can't believe that'll be me in just 3 semesters! Scary thought! After that, going out to eat (again), taking a short nap, and packing, Darren and I headed back to Georgia for break, which is where I am now. 4 weeks of being at home... We'll see how that goes!

Thanksgiving 2010!

2010-11-27T23:46:00.001-05:00

Listening to: "Betty" by Brooke Fraser
(If you haven't heard her new album yet, you should. Brooke Fraser is always great, and this is definitely no exception! "Betty" is probably my favorite song, but there are plenty of good ones to choose from. If you get it on Amazon, there's a bonus acoustic version of "Flags." I'm a fan.)

The semester is almost over.

What. The. Heck.

How is that even possible?! It's been an interesting one, that's for sure! For once, a semester isn't ending on a lame note. It's about time! I'm kind of torn between being extremely ready for break (I hate school) and not wanting to leave at all (I love people).

One fun thing I've done of late: Lee Family Thanksgiving! A group of about 20 of my friends got together on Monday and had a big Thanksgiving dinner. Sooo good. We had SO much food, including 2 turkeys that my boyfriend made (stuffed and all!). I vote this becomes a tradition. (Well, you know, for the one year we have left in college...)

Best turkey I've had all year, and that's not an exaggeration.
I was definitely impressed.

Family :)

I spend the majority of my life with these people.

I'm currently on my last day of Thanksgiving break. It's been good, I guess. Between hanging out with my cousins and playing with Lizzie & Emma (cutest. kids. ever. No, really--they are), going to the movies with Zach, Joey, & Rachel, and eating 2 Thanksgiving meals (2 of the 4 I've had this week), I can't really complain!

Like I said. Adorable.

Emma loves playing with my hair.
Lizzie is just awesome & hilarious in general.

Now, I'm ready to get back to school and finish up these last couple of days of classes and finals, then spend an extra few days just hanging out. I'm pretty excited about that. :) Hopefully, there will be plenty of adventures between now and then, so expect another update sometime in the near future!

Like the leaves of autumn...

2010-10-28T18:46:00.001-04:00

Listening to: Taylor Swift's new Speak Now album
(Finally getting to listen through the whole album is one of my rewards for surviving this week. Yes, I'm 20 and yes, I am entirely serious. I love Taylor Swift. I can't help myself. She's one of my favorites.)

Photo Credit: 8 Simple Rules

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of autumn."

- John Muir

Today is gorgeous.

Sunny, blue skies, with a cool breeze blowing the leaves off of the trees and swirling them around before they hit the ground...perfection. It makes me wish fall could last forever. It is, by far, my favorite season. I love the colors. I love the cool weather. I love watching the leaves fall from the trees. (It reminds me of music, somehow. If you could see music, I like to think it would look something like that. Random insight into the mind of me. You're welcome.) Today is one of those days that makes me love life, which is a nice change from all of the stress, uncertainty, and frustration I've been feeling lately. I need a little peace in my life, and today is one of those days when it seems impossible not to feel it.

I have sooo many things I want to write about right now. Instead of making this into the longest post of the century though, I'll condense a few of them into a list. I like lists.

A few favorite things...

Hanging out with little kids at a local elementary school for a class service project. I learned from a first grader named Kaitlyn that Ohio is a faraway country in China. Who knew?
Coffee. Enough said.
Adam Young. Still. Go to his blog. Read/listen/love.
Studying in the library with Kristi and Jon until midnight. Actually, I hate the library and I hate studying, but I do love them. Especially when all the studying stress gets to us and you throw Facebook in the mix. Enter posting the alphabet and counting to 50 (multiple times) on each others' walls, then laughing hysterically about the weird way Jon's thumbs bend backwards. Delirious? Yes. Hilarious? Yes.
Having a discussion with my roommate about which characters from the Left Behind series we would be. (More I-hate-studying delirium.)
Backpacker Magazine. Oh, the places I would go and the things I would do, if only I had money...
The Karate Kid. I watched it the other night with Kristi & Mike and liked it waaaay more than I expected!
Goodmorning & Goodnight. I really like this blog. A lot. Good stuff.

In other news, I'm really thankful for my friends in general. Lately, I've been discovering that there are people who love and care about me a whole lot more than I ever thought, and that's really weird to realize, but so wonderful at the same time. As completely sick as I am of advice and "talks" and anything of the sort at the moment--and trust me, I am!--I know that it's a reflection of how much they care, and that's something I can't be more grateful for. So thank you. :)

One last thing. I reallyreallyreally want to go here:

Grand Teton National Park

Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. Road trip, anyone?

David Crowder is so cool.

2010-10-20T14:25:00.000-04:00

Proof:

Even cooler? The Lite Brite isn't computer generated. They actually put all of those together. Yeah. They're awesome.

Happy Things.

2010-10-12T17:23:00.000-04:00

Well, this week has certainly been interesting. Let's just say that if it were a rollercoaster, it would have consisted of a million loops and a few vertical drops. Definitely not of the pleasant variety. Fortunately, it seems to have evened out a bit (I think. I hope!), so I think things are going to be okay. Besides, I'm trying to make good use of my sense of humor and optimistic personality and be positive anyway, so without further ado...

Happy Thing #1: My roommate (who has recently developed an obsession with watching Sesame Street videos) posted this on my wall yesterday. It's pretty much my life.

Also, I forgot how much I love Jason Mraz.

Happy Thing #2: I love, love, love my friend Anna. I met her at camp the summer I turned 16 (see picture), and I've literally only seen her once since then (which was 2 years ago), but she has been one of the greatest friends I've ever had. We try to keep each other updated on our lives through a series of ridiculously long Facebook messages. It's funny how I can be so open and honest with someone that I never, ever see, but I love it. She's one of those people who I can almost always count on to get exactly what I'm talking about, just because we're so alike. She's wonderful. :)

Happy Thing #3: I LOVE THIS SONG!

Sorry it wouldn't let me post the actual video. Embedding is disabled. Lame, I know. But for real, it keeps getting stuck in my head. Lyrically, not exactly a happy song. But musically? It never fails to brighten my day.

Happy Thing #4: Thanks to fall break, being exempt from a midterm, and not having Taekwondo class this week, I only have classes today. Kiiiinda awesome. Plus, in said classes, I only had one midterm, and I swear it was the easiest exam I've ever taken. Seriously. I also got my Humanities exam back (the one I completely B.S.'d), and with the extra credit we're going to get just for watching the movie Troy, I have an A. Needless to say, it's been pretty good day.

Happy Thing #5: While it doesn't exactly feel like fall yet (the 80-something degree weather is killing me), the leaves are finally starting to change. One of my favorite things ever. Yesterday evening, I was driving around with Kristi on these random country back roads, and the sunset (which was completely gorgeous) paired with the reds and oranges on the trees was pretty much perfect. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but I don't think pictures would have done it justice. It was amazing.

Okay, I'm done now. I'm heading to my last class in a few minutes, and after that... Helloooo 5 days of freedom!!

Oh, inconsistent me...

2010-09-28T16:51:00.000-04:00

I like God. I like how He talks to me through songs and stars and sunsets and my closest friends. Heck, He even gets through to me in the middle of my psychology classes. It has happened so often, but every single time, it almost takes me by surprise. I just love how He knows me so well, how He speaks to me in a way that is absolutely perfect for me instead of talking to everyone in the same way.

This was one of my favorite songs when I was a freshman in high school. It's funny how something can be just as (actually, more) relevant to my life at 20 as it was at 14.

Let It All Out
Relient K

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
'Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust You with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at You in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me crying out for consistency

And You said, "I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart
Then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify
The pain it took to get us there."

And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And You promise me that You believe
In time, I will defeat this
'Cause somewhere in me there is strength

And today I will trust You with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You
And I know You know
You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light

The whole, "Today I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat, but tomorrow upon hearing what I did, I will stare at You in disbelief. Oh, inconsistent me, crying out for consistency," is my life. It's like I make the decision to trust God completely and leave everything up to Him, and then the next day, I realize the implications of what I've done by giving up that control and I freak out. Repeat cycle. It's ridiculous. I need to break that.

"I am changing..."

2010-09-14T21:56:00.001-04:00

Have you ever known that you're in the middle of a big transition? It's weird. I think that, normally, I don't really recognize when I'm in the transition; I only see it after it's already occurred. This time is different: something is changing and I know it.

It's going to be a good change for me, and as much as it scares me, I'm also really excited. I've been completely stuck for over a year and a half now, and honestly, most of the time, I thought things were never going to change. All I knew is that I had been trying for what seemed like forever, and I literally could not get out, one way or the other. The fact that things are finally shifting is a God-thing, 100%.

Now, I'm just processing a lot. I've been having all these random flashbacks of stuff that I really haven't thought much about in awhile, and it's weird. It's as if I still have all of this stuff from the past year and a half, and it's still very much a part of me--a huge part--but now I don't know what to do with all of it. Obviously, it's not going away. I am who I am because of it, and I'm thankful. But it's like everything has to be rearranged now, and I don't quite know what to do about it. It's a strange feeling. It doesn't really feel good, but it's not necessarily bad, either. I don't know how to describe it.

So that's where I am right now. I'm not really sure what it means, or where I'm heading, but I do know that things are going to be different. Right now, that's all I really care about.

No regrets...just love.

2010-09-14T00:58:00.002-04:00

Because of this, I have had "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry stuck in my head for the past 5 days. I don't even like the song that much, but I do love this video...even if it is a little creepy.

Procrastination: The First Round of Junior Year!

2010-08-25T18:52:00.000-04:00

Listening to: "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons

I've only been in class for a week, am just now about to start on my first homework assignment, and I'm already using this blog to procrastinate. Old habits die hard (and I'm thinking this one won't die until homework is a thing of the past anyway). But, I mean, I haven't updated since before I got back to Lee. It has to be done sometime, right?

Anyway, I am super glad to be back at Lee. I have to admit, though, that I am so ready to get past these initial weeks. They're always so...weird. I don't like them. Hopefully, things will settle into a nice, normal routine pretty soon. Since being back, I've managed to:

Make 15,000 trips to Walmart (more or less--probably more)
Go cliff jumping, complete with floating down the river in the dark
Go swimming at the Blue Hole with about 30 friends
Go hiking with Mike, Will, and Diff (complete with climbing slippery waterfalls and hacking my way through the woods again. Not that I mind, of course!)
Start Taekwondo! (I know, it probably sounds lame to a lot of people, but seriously, it is so much fun. I'm so glad I'm taking it!)

It's been fairly interesting, at least. Also, I am loving having an apartment! Not that I spend much more time here than I did in the dorm (I just can't stand to be inside doing nothing for long), but it's so nice having more space, and my own kitchen, and a dishwasher, and a couch, and...yeah. It's awesome. I'll have to post some pictures sometime.

On a completely random note, I love how my playlist goes from stuff like Mumford & Sons (I love them so much, by the way) to LIGHTS to Yellowcard and pretty much everything in between, and I hardly give it a second thought. It's such a random mix. I love it. But yeah, one song I've been listening to a lot is "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons. Soooo good (though I have to say my favorite by them is "The Cave").

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
- "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons

Okay, I think I'm out of things to say for now. Hopefully, more things will happen by the next time I have homework so I'll have things to write about. :)

"Daydreams" by Breanne Düren

2010-08-11T01:31:00.004-04:00

This song has been stuck in my head all day long. I just love Breanne Düren (aka the girl from Owl City's "The Saltwater Room"). Seriously, cutest person ever. I admit, this song is slightly cheesy, but it's just so darn catchy. I can't help but love it!

P.S. If you go to her Myspace and join her mailing list, you can download it for free (which is how I discovered it in the first place).

Letting go and other unrelated things

2010-08-07T23:09:00.000-04:00

Listening To: "Rescued" by Jack's Mannequin
I love this song. So much. It really, really makes me want to learn to play piano. Sigh. Another thing to add to the list of things to do before I die, I suppose! :)

First things first: I finally have a car! Awesome it is not, and technically, I'm sharing it with my brother (though I definitely say I have priority. After all, I did go through my freshman and sophomore years without one at all), but hey--it's a car. It works. I can now get around by myself instead of constantly having to rely on other people, not to mention using up my friends' gas all the time. All things considered, I am definitely not complaining!

Second, I talked to Katie (my Little Pal) tonight! She was like, "I MISS YOU!!!" and when I asked how her summer was, she said, "It was great, but it wasn't as fun without you." Yeah, I officially miss her and can't wait to see her soon! I love that kid.

Third, I like how God always manages to teach me something when I'm least expecting it (most of the time, those lessons have to do with trust. Actually, almost always). All summer, He's been teaching me what it means to let go. I apparently have a classic case of always wanting to be in control, and with God, that doesn't tend to work too well. At one point, I thought I had moved past that, but then I realized that it's not always as obvious as it seems. Sometimes, I honestly believe that I'm doing the right thing, like putting a situation behind me, or trying to be the peacemaker, or a number of other similar situations. While these things might be good in theory, and my motives are right, it's still putting me in control. I'm still putting the responsibility on myself when I can't actually do anything about it. Honestly, there are some situations that I get so stressed out about when in reality, only God can do anything about them. I spend so much time trying to fix them that I forget that. I've had to learn to let those things go and be like, "Okay, God. I'm done trying to fix this. I'm letting it go and giving it to You--it's not my problem anymore." Of course, if He chooses to use me as He works things out, then I am totally okay with and open to that. It's not me checking out and saying, "Whatever happens, happens," and relieving myself of any responsibility in my life. It is leaving literally everything in my life up to God and following His lead instead of taking things upon myself. It's been an interesting (and sometimes difficult) thing to learn, but it is incredibly freeing! It makes life a lot more adventurous (because who knows what's coming next?!) and a lot less stressful (because more stress is the last thing I need!).

Speaking of stress: I head back to Lee in less than a week! While I'm not thrilled about starting classes up again (hence the relation to stress), I absolutely cannot wait to see everyone again. I also can't wait to move into my new apartment! So excited. It's going to be awesome.

My last few adventures of the summer...

2010-07-30T22:48:00.003-04:00

Three things I've missed immensely:

1. Friends
2. Tennessee
3. Mountains

I was reunited with all of the above this past week, and it was awesome. (Also, I've noticed that "adventure" in any form is becoming my new favorite word...)

Darren's baseball team won state, so it was off to Lewisburg, TN, for the regional tournament. Lewisburg happens to be close to where Audrey and Mike are working camp for the summer. I was really excited because they're two of my best friends, and I was going to get to see them, right? Um, yeah, apparently, they decided that the one weekend I was going to be within 15 minutes of them would be an opportune time to go to Ohio. Thanks, guys.

Unfortunately, Darren's team didn't win their games, but they did play pretty awesomely, so I was still proud. Kristi came to see him play, too, so it was great to see her and to have someone to brave the heat with me! (For real, it should never be 100 degrees at 10:00 in the morning. Let's not try that again.) Her friend, Jeff, got bored in Murfreesboro, so being a flight instructor, he flew over to hang out with us for awhile. That evening, he took Kristi, Darren, and me up in his plane, which was pretty awesome! I had never been up in a small plane like that before, so it was cool to get to do that.

On Sunday, Kristi came to pick me up and I went to her house for a few days. Being us, we managed to have plenty of adventures crammed into a couple of days, and most of them involved the outdoors. Always a plus.

We went hiking, of course. We went to Abram's Creek, but it was super hot, so we didn't make it very far. We attempted to go down a side trail to see one of the Appalachian Trail shelters (just because), but it turned out you basically had to hike up the mountain to do so. We went about half a mile before deciding that it was entirely too hot to attempt anything more, so we turned around and went back towards the creek. Maybe in the fall. Anyway, we just waded in the creek for awhile, took a few pictures, then drove around for a little while. Typical us.

Later that evening, we dressed up a little more (the only time I looked halfway decent all week, I think) and we, along with Kristi's brother David, went to Pigeon Forge to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat! We got free tickets (typically $40) from Kristi's church, and even though none of us are particularly into that sort of thing, we didn't really have anything else to do, so we decided to go. Besides, my roommate has told me about a billion times how awesome it is, so I kind of wanted to see what the big deal was anyway. :) It ended up being a lot of fun (albeit slightly long towards the end...), so I was glad we decided to go.

On Tuesday, Kristi, David, and I went jet skiing with their friends Russell, Amy, and Kate. That was definitely fun, even though we only had one jet ski and weren't there all that long. It was just nice to be on the water, especially since I haven't even had the chance to go swimming this summer!

After finishing up at the lake, we went back to Kristi's house to pack up for a quick camping trip. We loaded up the truck and finally started making our way towards Cades Cove where our campsite was. (Kristi, of course, stayed true to form and packed 2 floats--never mind that our campsite was not near water.) It was around 10:30pm when we got there, so obviously, it was dark. However, Kristi, David, and I managed to set up our tent without a problem. As soon as we finished, David's friend Aaron got there. Perfect timing, I'm sure. The four of us played cards for awhile and then got ready for bed, since we were planning to get up before the sun.

We woke up at 5-something the next morning. Kristi and I ate Lucky Charms (very nutritious, of course) and finally managed to drag the guys out of bed and got them to eat, too. Then, around 6:30am, we got on our bikes and headed off to bike the 11-mile loop at Cades Cove! It was a perfect day to do something like that. It was early, so it wasn't hot, plus it was pretty cloudy. That made for some pretty awesome pictures. I've decided that, if I can't live in Colorado in the middle of the Rockies, I think I'll be happy to settle for the Smokies. Seriously, so gorgeous:

Is there any question as to why they're called the Great Smoky Mountains? Pictures totally don't do it justice. It was beautiful. When I see stuff like that, I can't help but be like, "Holy crap, God, You're amazing!!"

We did a few more random things during the week, and then yesterday, we decided to drive through Cleveland and hang out with Jon for a little while before heading to meet my parents. After driving around campus to see the random changes and sitting in the PCSU waiting for Jon to get off work, the three of us headed to Chick-fil-A for peach milkshakes (sooo good). Jon mentioned something about Will being back in town, so I texted him and he invited us to come over. We did, and after being there for about 5 minutes, Tuna* came down the stairs! We all thought he was at work, so that was definitely a nice surprise! I wasn't expecting to get to see either Will or Tuna, but I am so glad that I got to. I love those guys so much. It was sooo good to see them and hang out with them for awhile. It made me really glad that we'll all be reunited a little more long-term in just 2 weeks. YESSSS.

So yeah--definitely a good week! I can't believe I'll be going back to Lee just 2 weeks from today. I can't say I'm looking forward to classes and homework and such, but I am definitely excited to be with everyone again! This semester kind of has to be awesome. There is no way that junior year is allowed to be as lame as last year! The fact that I'll have an apartment, my brother will be there, and pretty much all of my friends will actually be on the same side of campus for once makes me really happy and excited and yeah, I pretty much can't wait. Okay, I'm done. Maybe I'll actually have a short post one of these days?
* Every now and then, it occurs to me what a ridiculous nickname Tuna is and what people who don't know him must think when I call him that. Oh well. It's pretty much impossible for me to look at him and think "Michael." It just doesn't work. He doesn't respond to it anyway.

"I've got joy down in my heart..."

2010-07-14T13:15:00.002-04:00

Listening to: "All I Need" by Mat Kearney

(Still not over my Mat Kearney obsession. This song is the best. Love, love, love it.)

To continue the updates on my busy summer... Right after getting back from Europe, I headed to work 3 weeks at Camp JOY! When I say right after, I'm not kidding--I got home, washed clothes, re-packed, went to bed, and got up at 6:45 the next morning to head off to camp. It was worth it, but I can't say that I recommend it!

Quick rundown on how I ended up working there to begin with: I typically work youth camp down in Tifton every summer, but this year, I didn't really want to. It's a great camp, don't get me wrong, but since it is a Church of God camp, I just don't agree with a lot of what they teach there. The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I became with the idea. I just couldn't justify being responsible for teaching kids things that I don't personally believe. Anyway, not working camp meant losing a lot of scholarship money, and the job market was not looking great. It's not in my nature to stress out about stuff, generally speaking, and I really wasn't, but at the same time, I really did need a job! I wanted to work a camp because I really love doing that, but since I wasn't doing youth camp, I figured that was probably out of the question. Well, a couple of weeks before last semester ended, I was sitting out on the ped mall, hanging out with people, the usual, when I get a phone call from Mrs. Victoria (my friend Emily's mom). Kinda random, since I never talk to her on the phone. I answered and she said that there was a Lee University bus in Columbus and she was wondering if I knew what it might be for. I thought that was a little strange--I have no clue why a Lee bus would be down there at all. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes and out of the blue, she asks,

"Hey, do you need a job this summer?"

Um, yes!

"There's this camp for underprivileged kids and they really need college students to be on staff. I think you would be awesome at it!"

She told me that she'd give the camp director, Laura, my name and let her get in touch with me on Facebook. The next day, I got a message from Laura telling me that I had come super highly recommended and that she really wanted to have me on staff. She sent me an application, and all of a sudden, I realized: the mandatory training week was right in the middle of when I'd be in Europe. Dangit. At this point, I kinda figured I wouldn't be able to work there, so I told Laura. However, she told me, "If you're interested in working, I am totally willing to train you before your trip!" So awesome.

When I got home, I had to go in for an interview in order to get the position. Since I had been away at school, Laura let me bring in my application then, too. Interview went well, and when it was over, Laura was like, "So, I hope you don't mind, but I've already submitted your name as being our girls' head counselor. I'm technically not supposed to tell you this yet, but...you're hired." Yeah--she hired me before meeting me or receiving my application. And not only did she hire me, she hired me to work the highest position at camp, besides her own. What the heck.

So yeah, Lee bus randomly shows up in my hometown. Friend's mom happens to see it, thinks of me, and calls me. Random conversation ensues, inspiring her to #1, ask if I need a job, and #2, tell me about a job that happens to be exactly what I wanted. God works out the only glitch (minor detail of me being out of the country during a mandatory week). I get the highest staff position without even turning in an application. Um, can we say God thing? When I say that God gave me the job, I'm not kidding.

Back to camp. It was awesome. Seriously. I loved the kids immediately. Really, really loved them. It was so weird how quickly it happened--it surprised even me! Especially since these kids weren't the easiest bunch to deal with. Every day, I worked in the craft room alongside Mrs. Helen (don't even get me started on her! Crazy. Old. Woman. Not even kidding), building 3,000 birdhouses and coloring. I was in charge of teaching Bible study for the 9- and 10-year-olds. That was interesting. I had the VBS Teacher's Guide and that's about it. I had virtually no materials to work with, and keeping 9- & 10-year-olds entertained for a full hour is no easy task. It was pretty rough at first, but I got the hang of it eventually. Well, sort of.

The first week, the kids were full of questions. One girl, Marjorie, was so sweet and had this innocent curiosity that I absolutely loved. She asked me so many great questions, and I loved having the chance to answer them! (I have to say, my favorite was after our lesson on Zacchaeus, she was asking how short he was. When I said I didn't know, she asked if she could Google him and find pictures. Hahaha.)

The big adventure of week one: Lice. Ahhhh. We sent 10 girls home with it. Ohhh my gosh. My head was itching for 2 weeks every time I would think about it. We thought things were going okay, but on the third day, we found 2 girls who had it really, really bad (like, you could see the lice crawling on the outside of their hair). Then we discovered that it had spread. A lot. On the last night, we ended up having to clean out the cabins and have everyone sleep in the cafeteria, in hopes that no one else would catch it. It was bad. Fortunately, for the remaining weeks, we checked their hair before going to camp.

Second week, the girls in my cabin were hilarious. Seriously. I documented a few of their quotes here, but there are so many other things that I can't even remember anymore. Loved them. Anyway, I realized that we had three hiking trails at camp, and not one of them had been used. Being me, I decided to change that immediately. Our first lesson of the week was about creation, so I took all of the girls in my Bible study on a hike! Yay!

One of my favorite moments of the second week was on the first night. One of the girls in my cabin, Tatiana, needed to go take something to her sister, who was in another cabin. I walked over with her, and on our way back, I looked up at the sky. The stars were especially bright, and then I spotted the Big Dipper. It was perfectly positioned in between two trees, so I asked Tatiana,'

"Have you ever seen the Big Dipper?"
Tatiana: "No."
Me: "Do you want to?"
Tatiana: "Yeah!!!"

I let her stand in front of me and showed her exactly where it was. She was so awestruck by such a small thing. It made me really happy, especially when she woke up the next morning and the very first words out of her mouth were to another girl, "Miss Brittany showed me the Big Dipper last night!" :)

Week three was the best though--it's the one that made everything all worth it, and confirmed to me once again that God definitely wanted me to work there this summer! It was a pretty good week in general. It was kinda crazy when I discovered that I had fifty girls in my Bible study (that is, fifty listening-impaired 9- and 10-year-olds by myself. Literally. I was the only adult, only staff member, only anything. It was insane). Other than that, though, it was good. I taught the whole camp how to play Ultimate Frisbee (yay!). Held a snake and a hissing cockroach. Fun stuff like that. I also got to paint a lot! That was fun! It reminded me of how much I enjoy that sort of thing, so now I'm on a roll. I went out and bought a bunch of paint and some canvasses the weekend I finished camp. Ohhh yes. Anyway! All of that was pretty awesome, but the last 2 days were the best.

I was sitting at dinner, eating and talking with my girls, when one of them pointed to the 3 (rather tacky-looking) white crosses hanging on the wall and asked what the red stuff on the middle one was. I explained that it was there to represent Jesus' blood when He died on the cross, etc. This inspired another girl, Tay-Tay, to ask me who nailed Jesus to the cross. Well, after I explained that one, she just kept asking questions (crazy questions!), eventually leading me to say something about Jesus still being alive. She was shocked: "He is?!" At that point, I figured out that she had no idea about anything to do with Christianity. Especially when, after I used the word "Christian," she said shyly, "What's a Christian? I forgot" (in that way where you know the person really has no clue what you're talking about but doesn't want to let on, so they just say they "forgot"). Well! I took the opportunity to explain as simply as possible what it meant to be a Christian, defining sin and salvation for her, making sure she understood everything that I said. (The best way I knew to explain it for her was that sin was like a giant wall between her and God, and being forgiven was like Jesus coming in and knocking down that wall so she could be friends with God. It was a much longer, more in-depth conversation, but that was the idea of it.) It made me realize more than ever that I really need to know and be able to explain the words that I use, especially when it comes to churchy words! "Sin," "salvation," even "Christian"...they're all virtually meaningless to most people. Anyway, all of a sudden, Tay-Tay asked me, "How do I get to be forgiven?" I told her that all she had to do was ask, and to tell Jesus that she wanted to live the way He wanted her to. I asked if she wanted to do that, and she gave a very definite, "Yes." I got to pray with her, and it was seriously the best thing ever. I've never actually had the chance to do that before, and I absolutely loved how she came to me, and it was totally sincere. It wasn't me pushing her in any way--she was totally initiating and leading the whole thing. Incredible. (And what made it even better, she would randomly come up to me hours later and ask me more questions that had to do with what I told her: "So, if I do something bad again, will the wall between me and God come back?")

That in itself was enough to make the entire summer totally worth it, but then on the very last day, we were all sitting in the chapel, waiting for the buses to arrive to take us back into Columbus. Holly went over everything that we had learned at camp, and she decided to do the whole mass prayer of salvation thing (you know, raise your hand if you want to become a Christian, and then everyone prays together). She mentioned something about "the story of Jesus dying for you," and another one of my girls, Alexis, turns to me and says, "Story? What story?"

Me: "The one about Jesus dying on the cross."
Alexis: "I've heard people say that before, but I've never heard the story."

Whoa. That made me realize that we really fail as Christians way too often--we tell people, "Jesus died for you!" but never take the time to explain what that means. We just take for granted that people know, when really, they don't. So I told her the story of what happened, and she seemed satisfied. Well, after Holly prayed with all of the girls, Alexis turned to me again and very urgently said, "I don't know if I'm a Christian or not!" I immediately took her outside (it was way too noisy inside) and explained to her exactly what I had told Tay-Tay. Alexis told me that she wanted to do the same thing, so I ended up getting to pray with her, too! It was so awesome!

So yeah, that was Camp JOY: total God-thing. There are waaaay more stories that I could tell, but this post is long enough as it is. If you read the whole thing, you're my new favorite.

SKY SAILING!

2010-07-13T17:19:00.000-04:00

"When did I arrive?
I don't recall ever leaving Alaska
Why do I hate the dark when I'm alone?
I was on my way
To a brighter day I'm still chasing around
But somehow, I believe that this is home

It's so good to be home."

- "Alaska" by Sky Sailing

Oh my gosh. I love this song so much. The new Sky Sailing album, An Airplane Carried Me to Bed, is amazing. The combination of Adam Young's voice and lyrics with an acoustic guitar and piano is making me really, really happy right about now.

Check: http://bit.ly/aKOkn4
Oh, and for a clip of "Alaska": http://bit.ly/cccPxd

Yeah. My idea of awesome.

In other news, I'm going to Nashville(ish) in about a week, meaning I probably get to see Mike & Audrey! Yay! I'm kiiiiinda excited.

P.S. 5:19! :)

European Adventures!

2010-07-07T00:18:00.002-04:00

Listening to: "Vienna" by The Fray
(Yes, I listened to this song, along with "Dear Vienna" by Owl City, multiple times while actually in Vienna. I've always wanted to do that. I'm lame, I know.)

Now that I'm actually free for a few weeks, I figured it was time to update you guys on my amazing trip to Europe! Hard to believe that it was a month ago. Dang. Anyway, just a heads up, this is going to be a long post!

The adventure started with a 9-hour flight from Atlanta to Frankfurt, Germany. This wouldn't have been so bad if 1) I hadn't been in the middle section (at least I was on the aisle...), causing me to miss a gorgeous sunrise, 2) I could have actually slept, and 3) there hadn't been a restless, screaming child directly behind me who cried and kicked my seat for at least a third of the trip. I was sooo ready to get off the plane! When we finally got to Frankfurt, we were all pretty exhausted, but we were only there for about an hour and a half before catching a quick 30-minute flight to Zürich, Switzerland.

After arriving in Zürich, we got on a bus that took us to our hotel. As soon as we pulled out of the airport, I happened to catch a glimpse of the Alps waaaay in the distance. I kinda freaked out in my head a little bit. (I probably would have been a little more open about it, but no one else was anywhere near as pumped about the Alps as I was. Things would have been so much better if I'd had someone to share my excitement with!) We got to our hotel and after Lauren & I had an adventure in the super slow, super small lift (wish I would've gotten a picture!), we walked into our room and swung open the windows (literally) to see this (click to make them bigger):

Sooo pretty. Zürich is a perfect picture of what I think of when I imagine a European city. Anyway, we cleaned up a little bit and then headed out to explore a little bit. We were all pretty tired, but in an attempt to beat jet lag, no one was allowed to take a nap. This resulted in me being awake for 36 hours straight, but fortunately, I survived just fine. Number one on my agenda was to walk down to Lake Zürich so I could see the Alps a little better.

You can just barely see the snow caps in the background. I don't think I can really explain what it was like for me to finally get to see those mountains. I've wanted to see the Alps my whole life, and...I don't know. I don't know why it meant that much to me, but seriously, it was a big deal! After walking around the city for a little while, we decided to head back to the hotel and get some rest. The next day, we began with a walking tour of the city. That was pretty cool; I just wish I could remember all of the stuff our tour guide told us! A few pictures from that...

Second largest clock face in the world (this was apparently extremely significant) and a street in the old part of the city.

View of Zürich from the top of the hill where it has been prohibited to build anything ever since the days of the Roman Empire. Pretty cool.

After the tour, we just explored for the rest of the day. For lunch, we wanted to find something authentic instead of going to one of the more touristy places. After searching for awhile, we stumbled across Rheinfelder Bierhalle.

We decided to go for it, and walked inside to find that we were the only English-speaking people in the entire place. Most Swiss speak a decent amount of English, but not here--we were on our own! Since none of us were familiar with any of the local foods, we basically just picked something random off the menu and hoped for the best. Fortunately, this turned out okay! I ordered Rahm Schnitzel. I'm still not sure what that is, exactly, but it was pretty good!

That evening, the whole group (all 36 of us!) took a "short" walk (it ended up being at least half an hour) to a local church. Personally, I wasn't a fan of the church in general, but the people were really nice. It was cool to get to meet and talk to some of them. After church, some of our group decided to take the subway back, while the rest of us joined Dr. Sargent in walking back in an attempt to save 4 francs. That ended up being an adventure in itself. It had been really sunny and clear all day long, including when we were walking to church. However, when we walked back outside, it was cloudy and starting to rain. We decided to go for it anyway. Promptly after making this decision, it started to pour. And thunder. And lightening. Too late now--we were going to walk. Some people had come prepared with umbrellas. Lauren and I were not two of those people.

Yeah, we were pretty soaked. Fortunately, we both have good senses of humor, and found the whole thing pretty amusing. It ended up being so much fun!

Overall, Zürich was my least favorite city. It was nice, and I'm glad I got to go, but there was just something about it that I didn't care for. It's one of the wealthiest cities in the world, and it's kind of obvious, so I felt a little out of place. Plus, the whole place has this very worldly, materialistic vibe, and...I don't know. It was just weird. Not to mention the ridiculous prices! (Ever pay $13 for a Big Mac? You can if you visit Zürich!) I would love to visit Switzerland again, but I don't care to ever go back to Zürich.

After spending another night in Zürich, we got on the bus and started heading towards Germany to go to the Dachau concentration camp. Well, shortly after getting into Germany, we discover that Dachau is closed on Mondays, which our tour guide's assistant failed to mention. Change of plans. We decided to continue heading towards our next stop: Salzburg, Austria, to have a couple of extra hours to explore there. That whole drive was absolutely beautiful. I love the Alps!

We eventually arrived in Salzburg, which was definitely my favorite city. It is known for two things: being Mozart's birthplace and the home of The Sound of Music. By the end of it, I didn't care to ever hear either of those things mentioned ever again. However, it is a beautiful city. Lauren, Josh, Sam, and I walked around together when we got there and discovered the cathedral there. It's huge!

If you look closely, you can see a tiny little person at the bottom. Yeah, that'd be me. Seriously--it's huge. After exploring for a little while, we decided that it was time we try some gelato. Sooo good!!

It wasn't quite as good as the gelato Josh and I had in Vienna...but still. I'm a fan. We ended the day with one of the most gorgeous sunsets I've seen in a loooong time (and, considering I think every sunset is gorgeous, that's saying something!).

Day two in Salzburg consisted of a walking tour with a guide, ending with us taking a trip up to the Hohensalzburg Fortress.

I love that place. It is so amazing to me that it was built in 1077. That's 933 years old. That's mind-boggling to me. That was one thing that I absolutely loved about Europe--there's so much history there! Here in America, our most historic places are few and far between, and are typically from the 1700s or later, with the occasional site from the 1600s. But 1077? Sometimes, I wish buildings could talk. Just think of how many people have walked there, looked up at it, how many things have happened in and around it. It's incredible! Then, of course, there was the view from the top:

So. Incredibly. Beautiful. I could've stared forever. Even though it was cloudy and kinda hazy, it was still amazing. After the tour was over, we were free to wander around the city again. Lauren, Josh, and I got some lunch at a literal hole-in-the-wall restaurant. It was excellent. I was also pleased to see that Sodexho is spreading the joy worldwide.

We also explored Mirabell Gardens for awhile. That was a lot of fun (especially our impromptu chase through the maze-like bushes)!

Next day was what I had been looking forward to for months: the Eagle's Nest! Oh my gosh. Most incredible view I have ever seen, ever, and I'm not kidding. I wish you guys could see it in person, because honestly? Pictures are disappointing compared to the real thing. Really, I feel kinda depressed when I look at pictures of it because they don't even come close.

Wow. I want to go back so bad! It was the most perfect view I've ever seen. It's breathtaking. And the fact that it was perfectly clear and sunny and warm... Thanks, God! We also took a short hike while we were there. It was only about 45 minutes, but it was way more intense than I was expecting! It was a lot of fun though. I can officially say I've been hiking in the Alps--how awesome is that?!

After hanging out on top of the mountain for a couple of hours, we headed down into Berchtesgaden, Germany, to visit the salt mines there. Another gorgeous drive--I think Berchtesgaden is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.

The salt mines were a lot of fun. Super-fashionable clothes (as seen below), riding on a little train, going down a slide...yeah, it was pretty cool. It was also a nice, much-needed break from the heat!

The next day, we started heading toward Vienna, Austria. On the way, we stopped to tour Mauthausen concentration camp. That was a really sobering experience... It was hard to process and it's even harder to explain, so I don't think I'm going to attempt to. I think it's one of those things that you just have to experience for yourself to understand.

We also stopped at Melk Abbey. Not my favorite place of the trip, especially not when it came right after Mauthausen. Oh well. The library there was pretty cool, at least!

After a long day of driving, we finally arrived in Vienna. Vienna is big. Really big. After doing so much traveling already, I don't think I was completely up for taking in such a large, fast-paced city, but I did my best. There was so much to do and see there that I honestly had no idea where to begin.

We walked around for awhile that night, and then the next day, we visited the Freud Museum like good psychology students should do. :)

While I'm not a huge fan of Freud in general, psychology would not be anything near what it is today if it hadn't been for him. He's one of those people that you have to respect, regardless of whether or not you agree with him. As a psychology major, it was pretty awesome to be able to visit the place where he used to live and counsel his patients! We also visited Stephansdom, ate at The Chattanoogan (yes, it was named after Chattanooga, TN--I wasn't too concerned with making a point of eating "authentic" European food by this point), and watched part of an opera on a screen outside the opera house. Kinda cool.

On our last day in Vienna, we got to ride the Prater Wheel! To be honest, it wasn't a very exciting ride in and of itself, but the fact that I got to ride the Prater Wheel in Vienna was awesome!

Next, we visited the Schonbrünn Palace. By this point on the trip, I was so exhausted that I didn't enjoy it anywhere near as much as I would have otherwise. It was still pretty cool though.

Then it was off to take a tour of Vienna, by bus this time. Thank God--I couldn't have survived a walking tour! I wish I could say that it was interesting, but honestly, I wouldn't know. I was just focusing on staying awake. Oh well...we did stop at this place that had lots of cool artsy things, which I really liked.

So, there's my trip to Europe in a nutshell. As long as this was, I left out a ton! I would love to be able to go back someday. It was awesome. Anyway, I'll leave you all with that for a few days, and then maybe I'll get around to updating you about Camp JOY and my 20th birthday! (Yes, I'm 20, and yes, that's still super weird to me...)

A few camper quotes of the week...

2010-06-25T20:01:00.000-04:00

Camper: "How old are you?"
Emily (counselor): "Fifteen."
Camper: "You're fifteen?! Were you born when Michael Jackson was discovered?"

+++

During the nightly cabin talk...
Emily: "Okay guys, we're going to talk about salvation. Does anyone know what that is?"
Camper: "Yeah, that's when I spit!"
Emily: "Um, no, that's salivating..."

+++

Holly (Activities Coordinator): "So, how about that red-headed boy tonight? He was pretty cute, huh?"

Emily: (sarcastically) "Oh, yeah..."

Andrenise (camper): "Oh, I heard you! Ewww! Girl, that ain't beautiful! That ain't beautiful!"

+++

Also, according to my campers this week, I look like Taylor Swift.

Oh, yes, of course. Long, blonde, curly hair. Really tall. Exact same facial structure. The resemblance is uncanny... Oh, wait.

Not an actual update, BUT...

2010-06-21T01:12:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to drop by and let you all know that I am back from Europe (AMAZING trip!) and in the middle of working Camp JOY. It's been great so far! Hopefully, I'll be able to give a full update on things sometime in the near future. Until then, here's a couple of pictures to hold you over.

Me at the Eagle's Nest. Most incredible view I've ever seen. Seriously, I can't even explain how beautiful it was. The picture doesn't even come close. Oh, and guess what? It was a completely gorgeous day that day. Thank You, God!

View from my hotel room in Zurich, Switzerland. Pretty awesome, huh?

Sunset our first night in Salzburg. So freakin' gorgeous. (I know I say that about every sunset, but really, this was one of the best I've seen in a long time.)

More stories and pictures to come later! Hope you're all having an awesome summer!

Summer 2010: Pre-Craziness

2010-05-27T20:36:00.005-04:00

Camp JOY Preparations
Today was my last day of work until camp actually starts! Holly & I drove around the ghetto of Columbus, delivering flyers about camp to all of the housing projects. Definitely an interesting experience. Fortunately, we didn't have to walk door-to-door like we initially thought we would. Thank goodness. It was fun getting to know Holly a little more, though. We had a few little adventures, like being stopped by the same train 4 times (and accidentally driving back behind some theater neither of us knew existed...). Good times. Oh, I did find out that I'm only getting paid like $5 an hour for all of this. Not exactly what I was expecting, but since God kinda gave me the job (no, for real--He did. I'm not just saying that), I figure I'll be okay. :) And really, I can't complain too much--at least it's a job, and the type of job I really wanted at that!

Trip to Europe!
One week. I am so excited! For real, I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. I'm ready for lots of adventures and new things, and that's pretty much guaranteed. It's also going to be fun getting to know some new people. More friends is always a good thing. :) Let's just hope that it doesn't rain the whole time, like it's currently supposed to... However, if it does, please don't do it on the day we visit Hitler's Eagle's Nest. Apparently, when they've visited in the past, it's been too cloudy to really see anything, but seriously, I am dying to see this in person:

That view right there? Number one thing I'm excited about. I'm getting the urge to jump up and down just thinking about it. You have no idea! So seriously, rain and cloudiness--take the day off on June 9. You deserve a break.

Classes. Ugh.
Unfortunately, before I can even think about hopping on a plane to leave the country, I have...

Approximately 1,100 pages of psych books & articles to read
About 20 or so pages to write on said books & articles
18 hours of class to sit through

All by next Thursday. Funnnn. Then, of course, there are the post-trip assignments. But whatever--I get a trip to Austria, Switzerland, & Germany out of it. It's totally worth it. (Just making my life a little more stressful than usual at the moment. Heh.)

Music, music, music
For some reason, music is so much more enjoyable for me to listen to during the summer (and that's saying something, but I really enjoy music all the time). I don't know why. It's weird, I know. But anyway, like I said in my last post, I've been listening to Mat Kearney a lot. "Closer to Love" is definitely one of my favorites. I also really like "All I Have," "Where We Gonna Go From Here," and "Here We Go." Good stuff. I've also been listening to The Postal Service quite a bit. I didn't used to like them all that much. I'm not really sure why though, because now, I like them a lot! Oh, and one of my favorite songs of the moment (I had never heard it until about a week ago, but I discovered it hiding on my computer): "The Fear You Won't Fall" by Joshua Radin. Sooo pretty! I love guy/girl harmony and I love really chill music like that. Good combination.

All that being said, I am going to be super, super busy for the next month. I'll try to update you guys about my trip and camp and such ASAP, but that may or may not be until July. We'll see, I guess!

Bookstores and adventures!

2010-05-22T22:49:00.008-04:00

Listening To: "All I Have" by Mat Kearney
(For whatever reason, I've been semi-obsessed with his music lately. I like his style and I like his lyrics. His album City of Black & White is my favorite at the moment. Good stuff.)

I love bookstores. I could stay in them for hours on end and not ever get bored. I've done this twice within the past week, and still don't feel like I was in there long enough. I get so inspired in them--I like and am interested in so many different things and there just isn't enough time to get to all of it! Every time I go, I have to restrain myself from buying out the whole store. (My bank account does not share my love for bookstores. Heh.)

A couple of days ago, I had to go to Barnes & Noble to get a book for my psych classes before my trip. This resulted in my spending a good amount of time in the psychology section. The book I had to buy was Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I'm pretty sure I would have bought it anyway, even if it wasn't required. It's basically about his experiences in a concentration camp during WW2 and then he kind of talks about it from a psychological standpoint. Very interesting. (I've always been fascinated by the Holocaust. The fact that I'll be visiting Dachau on my trip was a major selling point for me! Speaking of Dachau, I'll be there in two weeks! Yessss.)

Anyway, after wandering throughout the store, I found the children's section. Best. Section. Ever. I absolutely love kids' books, especially the classics (i.e. Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, stuff like that). I discovered a copy of A Little Princess and absolutely had to buy it. I had never read it, but always wanted to. It is sooo good. I love stuff like that. I also found The Magic Treehouse series that I LOVED when I was a little kid. I read those books countless times in second grade. They are what first inspired me to visit the Amazon Rainforest (it's still very high on my list of places I want to visit). They tended to make me feel like I've been feeling today: dying to go on some sort of adventure!

Reason I've been feeling that way today: I spent the afternoon sitting in the floor at Books-A-Million reading this:

I would've bought it if it hadn't cost $25. Pretty much every single thing in this book looks awesome and I want to do all of them. Well, almost all of them (I could probably do without going to Antarctica, as cool as it would be to say I've done that. Not high on the list). But for real, that is the kind of stuff I am dying to do. There are so many things that I want to try--I just haven't had the chance to (yet!). Seriously, that's pretty much the only reason I would want to have a high-paying job: to travel and do awesome stuff like that (I kind of hate the fact that every sport I would actually really enjoy are the ones that are ridiculously expensive to do). Sigh.

My other find of the day wasn't all that spectacular, but it did make me really happy to see. I was in the travel section (one of my favorites) and picked up a book about Tennessee. They had a section about the Cherokee National Forest, including a short mention of Chilhowee--picture included. The picture (not the one to the right--that one is mine) just so happened to be from the Sugarloaf overlook, which is my absolute favorite place to watch the sun set. Kristi, Mike, Jon, and I were up there a couple of weeks ago, just before the semester ended. I think it was one of the best nights I had all semester long--maybe even all year. Definitely one of my favorite memories. That fact just made finding the picture even better, because it was of the picnic table that Kristi did her homework on that night, and you could see the rock that Mike and I sat on to watch the sunset in the background. Ahhh, good times.

Edit (05/24/10): I didn't really want to write a whole new post just for this, but this picture is awesome (click to make it bigger--it looks better):

Credit

How cool is that?! I just wanted to share. :)

Sorry--I can't help myself!

2010-05-14T00:34:00.009-04:00

The header was bugging me a lot (I couldn't help it), so I decided to play around with it some more. I like this much better. :)

(Before/After)

I've been looking at a ton of design blogs tonight. I love that stuff so much. It makes me wish I had more time to do artsy stuff (and also that I had a huge house to decorate...and the money to buy all the stuff...). Sigh. Oh well. I found some awesome stuff though, and I feel like I have to share it!

Harmonie intérieure

I. Love. This. Site. Oh my gosh. I'm not sure if I would actually use a lot of it in my own home (though I might), but I love how it looks. Seriously.

Check out the pictures of the designers' house, too. Love it.

Fancy Frills

I really, really like this blog. She finds a bunch of different cool, design-related things (graphic, interior, fashion, etc.) and posts them. Some of my favorites... (The pictures are linked to her posts.)

Good stuff. I like it.

(This is the kind of stuff I like when I'm not doing outdoorsy stuff like hiking, or playing Ultimate Frisbee, or studying psychology, or writing, or finding new music...haha. I like having lots of different interests. Too bad I don't have time for all of them all the time!)

The Day of Awesomeness

2010-05-13T01:40:00.001-04:00

Awesome Thing #1: This picture.

I love them so much. Seriously. I am so thankful for every single person in that picture. They are some of my favorite people in the entire world, and I'm so glad they're my friends! (That night was pretty awesome, too--playing a bunch of random sports in the rain, including Ultimate Frisbee, rugby, and some random game Jon & Tuna invented that made no sense, followed by an adventure in the fountain...oh yes!)

Awesome Thing #2: I drove somewhere that I had never been before today...and I didn't get lost a single time. If you know me, you know that this is definitely an accomplishment. I was very proud of myself (and relieved, too--being late for an interview was not high on my list of things to do for the day).

Awesome Thing #3: I got the job at Camp JOY! (I pretty much already had it anyway, but I had my interview today, and it's official.) Yaaaay! I am super excited. My interview went really well. It was cool to finally meet the director (she and I have been talking on Facebook for a couple of weeks). She's cool and we seem to be on the same page about a lot of things, particularly spiritually speaking. That was definitely a huge relief! Anyway, I start my training and such on Monday, which involves getting paid, and that is something I definitely need. This means that I will be pretty busy from then until the beginning of July. The month of June is going to be crazy--I literally have something to do every single day, except for a couple of Saturdays. (I also won't have access to my phone for most of it, so if you text me in June, make sure it's on a weekend!) Seriously though, I am so relieved that I'll have stuff to occupy me. I need to stay busy. And who knows, maybe I'll be so exhausted from it that I'll want a lot of nothingness for a month in July. Heh! I have a couple of pending plans for then anyway, so hopefully those will work out. :)

Awesome Thing #4: I got all A's this semester!!!!!!! I am sooo excited about that. This is the first semester that I've managed to do that (there's always been that one class that I get a B in. Freshman year, it was Carmen's Spanish class and College Algebra. Last semester, it was Stats. Actually, I was kinda relieved to get B's in them--they were pretty rough!). I did have a little bit of a scare when I checked WebAdvisor the other day and discovered that I had a C in Ethics. Um, what?! I emailed Alan McClung ASAP, and he told me that he apparently didn't have a midterm grade for me. I don't know what happened, but I definitely turned in that exam! I let him know, and he basically took my word for it and changed my grade to an A. I love that man. Officially, if I didn't already. He's awesome.

P.S. I made a new header thing for the blog. It needed something more spring/summery. I like it in theory, but I feel like something is missing. I haven't figured out what yet, so it'll do for now. (On a side note, I love those tire swing pictures and I love that dress. I am so glad I bought it.)

P.P.S. I just killed a big spider that was crawling on my desk. Ugh. Another thing to be proud of myself for, I suppose.

End of the semester adventures!

2010-05-08T00:52:00.002-04:00

Sorry for my lack of updates...life kinda picked up after break, I guess. Just in time, too--I was starting to lose hope for the semester altogether! The last month of it ended up being really great though, at least for the most part. :) Get ready for a picture overload.

I've done a lot of random fun stuff, but two of the biggest: Thunder and the Owl City show!

A few weeks ago, a group of about 11 of us went to Mike's house for Thunder Over Louisville (a big fireworks/air show to kick off the Derby). That was definitely fun, even if it was a little chilly at times...

Kristi, Mike, Will, Jon, Jaynese, and I walked around downtown Louisville for most of the day, doing exciting things (or not) like visiting Fourth Street Live...

We found a bookstore somewhere along the way, so we spent awhile in there (Kristi and I found Boyfriend Training Flashcards, so we decided to test the guys' knowledge. Fortunately, they're doing well enough). We eventually made our way back to where Mike's parents were holding down the fort to watch some of the air show.

We met up with the rest of the crew (aka Christy, Courtney, Pookie, Jesse, and Emily) at Panera for dinner, after which we proceeded to take a million pictures by the fountains outside.

Girls:

Guys (this picture is proof of why I love them):

After dark (and a little bit of a delay...), we got to watch some awesome fireworks!

After church the next day, Kristi and I decided to reunite with the tire swing in the backyard.

Sooo much fun (especially when the guys helped us out by pushing us)! All in all--definitely a great weekend!

Next up was the Owl City/LIGHTS/Paper Route show in Atlanta! In a word: amazing. For real. After making it to ATL, we found a place to park and discovered the adventure that is an Atlanta parking garage:

We then found a semi-sketch-looking deli where we got some surprisingly great food that we ate while waiting in line at the Tabernacle:

First up was Paper Route. I'm not really a fan in general, but they're really good live!

Next: LIGHTS! I love her, and she is just as amazing in concert as she is on her album. Not to mention that she's one of the cutest people ever.

And finally...Owl City! Adam Young is just awesome. Even more awesome? Throwing Matt Thiessen into the mix!

And, of course, Breanne Düren (the girl whose voice makes "The Saltwater Room" one of the best songs ever), who is quite possibly the most adorable person alive:

So yeah--definitely a good time! I am so glad I decided to go. It was definitely worth the money!

The rest of the time, I've done fun stuff like hiking (twice) with some of my favorite people:

We ended up going past the marked trail to climb up to see two other waterfalls. The second time around, this involved Kristi, Will, and I climbing rocks and hacking our way through the forest. Gooooood times!

And now I'm home for the summer. Sort of. In about 4 weeks, I'm off to Europe, and after that, I'm probably going to be working something called Camp JOY. I'll definitely have to update you all on that one! It'll be a good summer, I think. It's entirely possible that I won't go crazy this year. Let's hope so, at least.

"For I am His and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ."

2010-04-03T22:44:00.074-04:00

First of all, Easter break is going much better than spring break did...even if it isn't much of a break with all this homework I have to do. Oh well--such is college life! At least the lack of classes still applies.

So. Things have been a little crazy lately in pretty much every area of my life, but I'm surviving, and I think I'm getting myself back on track. It's funny (only not) how easy it is for me to lose my focus, especially when it comes to God. That's never a good thing--as if my life needs to be anymore weird and complicated than it already is to begin with!

Last weekend was a lot of fun (which was much-needed!), albeit completely random and spontaneous. Basically, Kristi and I decided we would go hiking at Chilhowee since we've been dying to go and the weather was gorgeous. Instead, we randomly ended up driving down all these back roads, when all of a sudden...

Kristi: "Umm...we're definitely 20 minutes away from my house."

We ended up in Knoxville. Awesome. We decided to go to her house for dinner, then went to watch the sunset (our "hike" of the day...if walking up a paved 0.4-mile path counts as hiking). After we finally made our way back to Cleveland (7 hours later), we worked on our presentation for Sociology, then met up with Mike at midnight (which, if you put it that way, sounds kinda sketch, now that I think about it). We proceeded to get back in the car, with Mike in the driver's seat. Every time we came to a turn, Kristi and I took turns deciding whether to go left or right. This turned into a 3-hour adventure on more random back roads that landed us in Athens, TN. It was so much fun though. They are two of my favorite people on the planet, and the perfect ones to have that sort of adventure with.

Oh! Random discovery. My brother told me about this earlier, and it is seriously one of the most amazing things ever.

Is that incredible or what?!? I can't even comprehend having enough patience to do that. Just thinking about attempting it stresses me out.

Anyway. Since tomorrow is Easter, I thought it might be especially appropriate (and perhaps especially cliché, but in this case, I really don't care) to share a song that has coincidentally been on my mind a lot lately. I was only going to post one verse of it, but then I realized that the whole thing is way too applicable to my life. It has been stuck in my head all day long, and really--it's incredible.

In Christ Alone
"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand."

Ahhh. So good. Really, what else can be said?

SPRING BREAK 2010!!!

2010-03-18T00:28:00.001-04:00

Apparently, I am incapable of doing spring break correctly. Last year, I got an ear infection and burst an eardrum. This year, I get some stomach virus that doesn't allow me to eat for a day (at least not successfully...). That was yesterday. Today, I can stand up for about .2 seconds at best without feeling completely dizzy. Fantastic. Also, I hate television.

End rant.

Hopefully, I will be better by tomorrow, at least for the most part. I hate being sick. I'm not a fan of laying on the couch all day with nothing better to do than watch TV (because my brain isn't even functioning well enough to read), or of having people constantly ask if I need anything.

Okay, end rant for real this time.

I guess it's better that it happens while I'm at home instead of at school. Talk about miserable!

Check back in a day or two. I'm sure things will be a little more positive around here by then. :)

I like this, this, and this. Oh, and this.

2010-03-10T01:06:00.005-05:00

I've been discovering lots of things that I like lately, so excuse me if this post is a little bit sporadic.

For starters, Jenny & Tyler did a show on Friday night in the Dixon Center. I had never seen them before, but I'm officially hooked. They are really talented, completely adorable together (seriously--and I don't say that sort of thing often), and really sweet, personable, and friendly overall. Their songs are so well-written (some of my favorites are "One-Eyed Cat," "Deepest Parts of Me," "Muse," and "Love Through Me") and their voices go together perfectly. Also, I love the design of their This Isn't a Dream album cover, especially the back!:

What can I say? I just really like artsy, well-designed things! That being said, I've been looking at lots of design blogs lately. It has come in handy, too, because it has inspired my roommate and I to come up with ideas for our apartment next semester (only 5 months away! I am so excited). One blog I've been reading a lot is design me daily. I was going through some of the archives yesterday and stumbled across a post on there that lead me to Single Stone Studio's Etsy shop that features lots of really cool wall decals. Hello, living room decor! A few favorites:

I love the way everything in this picture is designed. I wish we could use paint in our apartment, because I would so do this! I like the two-tone thing for the flowers.

Simple, but very cool and classy. You can also get it in your choice of one out of 40 different colors. Love it.

I apparently have a new thing for this whole birds and cherry blossom design thing, because I've found a lot of things like it that I really, really like. Too bad this decal is $75. :( Not quite in my budget.

Anyway, yeah, I'm getting really excited about this whole apartment thing. I love simple, modern things, and these with a nature-y theme are just a plus. Definitely my thing. It makes me wish I was getting my own house so I could go all out with paint and everything. Having an unlimited supply of money would be awesome, too... Sigh.

Something else I love: Photography. All kinds. For real. Favorite thing ever.

This picture makes me really happy for some reason. I don't know if it's the colors, the lighting, the little girl, the fact that it's outside, or all of the above, but I like it a lot.

I have a thing for engagement photos in general. :)

One last favorite thing: Sunny days in the park with friends!

Sunday afternoon, a group of about 12 of my favorite people went to Fletcher Park to have a picnic to celebrate Tuna's 20th birthday. It was gorgeous, and I loved getting to spend time with all of them so much! (My nose is still suffering from a run-in with a Frisbee, but other than that, it was a great time.)

Okay, sorry for the overload. Trust me, there could have been way more!

Best week ever!

2010-02-26T00:42:00.000-05:00

The power cord for my laptop decided to completely stop working the other day, so I've been pretty limited in my computer use lately in an effort to save battery power. Luckily, my dad was smart enough to get an extended warranty for it, so I don't have to pay $90 or something equally ridiculous for a new one. Unfortunately, it's supposed to take another two weeks for the new one to get here. Awesome.

I do have to say, though, that it has been a little bit of a blessing in disguise, if you will. I've actually been able to (gasp) read for the fun of it! I don't even know how long it's been since I've done that at college. So that's been pretty nice. Actually, this week has been kind of awesome in general. The highlights:

1. Basketball Game!
Monday night's game = definitely a good one! It was really close the entire time. The other team (don't remember who it was) was barely ahead, but Lee scored a three-pointer in the last few seconds and won. Any game that involves everyone in the stands rushing onto the court as soon as the game ends is pretty awesome to me. Yesss!

2. Taco Tuesday and Free Pancakes!
I love going to Tres Hermanos on Tuesday nights. I mean, really, 75 cent tacos? How much better can you get? I went with Christy and Luke, and was later joined by Ward and James. While I was there, Kristi texted me. Turns out it was also Free Pancake Day, so as soon as I got done with Taco Tuesday, it was off to IHOP with Kristi, Mike, Jon, and Tuna (some of my favorite people ever!). Good times. :)

3. No More Searcy!
My Ethics professor is apparently really sick and isn't going to be able to teach for the rest of the semester. While this is kinda sad, it also means that I don't have to listen to her ramble about snake handling churches anymore. I was initially a little nervous about who they were going to stick my class with for a substitute. These worries promptly ceased when Alan McClung walked in the room. Best. Day. Ever.

4. No Homework!
I have had no homework this week whatsoever. I hardly know what to do with myself. I haven't had a week like this all semester long. The past several weeks have been super stressful, so it has DEFINITELY been nice to have a break!

5. Cancelled Class!
My 9:10am class was cancelled today. I don't have another class until 2:35pm, so guess what? I got to sleep until 12:30pm on a Thursday and it was totally okay. That was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, ever (or at least close enough). It's strange not feeling exhausted...

6. McDonald's & Spanish Soap Operas!
Last night, Kristi, Jon, and I went to Hughes' Open Dorm and hung out with Michael. We had nothing to do afterwards, so we decided to go somewhere to get something to eat (for me, because I have apparently have chronic hunger issues) and drink (for Kristi, who was actually thirsty for once in her life). After an interesting drive-thru experience at McDonald's...

"Do you have milkshakes?"
"Yes."
Long pause.
"Do you have Hi-C?"
"...Hi-C milkshakes?"

...we went to Jon's so I could get a doughnut (or two. I'm telling you, I think I have a problem). We ended up watching some intense Spanish soap opera that none of us could understand (minus a couple of phrases that I could make out when they weren't yelling at 150mph). Basically, all I got out of it was #1, pink envelopes make awesome fans, and #2, if you want men to fight over you, wear fuzzy pink and orange hair clips (to accentuate the pink and orange curls in your hair) and earrings that are shaped like pink baby bottles. Valuable life lessons, I'm sure.

"Be My Escape" by Relient K

2010-02-21T22:51:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, I think this is going to take forever. Literally.

"I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while, You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You
To be my escape."

Hello, sunshine!

2010-02-18T01:02:00.001-05:00

It's amazing what a little sunshine can do for me. I know I mentioned this the other day, but all this wintry weather has been getting to me. I've never been one to be prone to depression, especially not just because of the fact that it's winter, but good grief, enough with the clouds already! And really, if it must snow, can we at least get enough to cancel classes? 'Cause that'd be awesome. Let's have one or the other, preferably the warm and sunny stuff. I mean, really, it's gotten so bad that I am super excited that The Weather Channel (best thing ever) says it's going to be 56 degrees on Sunday. That's almost 60! And 60s = SPRING, SPRING, SPRING!!! Don't let me down, weather.com.

Another thing that made my life a little happier today was seeing my Little Pal, Katie! I love that kid so much. Every time I go to the Boys & Girls Club, she always makes me really thankful that I finally got around to joining BPLP. We are so much alike. It's ridiculous. Not only do people say we look like sisters, we have tons of things in common. Neither of us are super girly (but not tomboyish, either). We both love outdoorsy stuff, reading, and art. Other than a zillion common interests, there are a bunch of little things, like the fact that we both randomly skip when we walk, or that we both really, really like broccoli (as I discovered today). You know, just random things. I love it. No questions here--we were meant to be!

Okay, it would probably be a good idea to do a little more studying for the Social Psych exam I get to take in the morning. (I'm super proud of myself--for the first time in forever, I have been exceptionally focused tonight!) Cognitive dissonance, self-efficacy, fundamental attribution error, blah blah blah. OKAYBYE!!

Here we go again...

2010-02-16T18:36:00.001-05:00

I have been listening to Mae so much lately, especially The Everglow. Such a great album! The whole thing is amazing, but "The Sun and the Moon" has been my favorite song lately. One of those keep-it-on-repeat-for-hours kind of favorites. I love it. :) Their music in general is wonderful, and their lyrics are even better. (I really, really, really appreciate well-written lyrics, more than I appreciate most things, and that's saying something.) So. Good.

Something else I like: When professors say things in class that are 100% relevant to my life. Today in Social Psych, Dr. Sargent began his lecture with this:

"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary."
- Romans 7:16

Um, hi, story of my life right now. Especially the second half. It's funny how I can spend months learning a lesson, think I've got it down, and then suddenly find myself right back where I started. It's frustrating, really. But it's becoming very obvious to me--again--that I really don't know anything. And I don't like that.

Here we go with the lessons in trust.

Again.

Oh. My. Gosh.

2010-02-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

Most. Boring. Valentine's Day. Ever.

Seriously, I'm amazed I'm still functioning right now. I was pretty sure I was going to go crazy about 4 hours ago. I mean, it's not like I usually have a date or anything, and I'm typically pretty okay with that. But geez, I normally have something to do!

What My Day Has Consisted of Thus Far:

1. Church. (1 hour)

2. Walking back from church in the snow. (10 minutes)

3. Nap. (2 1/2 hours)

4. Sitting in my room, bored out of mind. (Uhh, 7 hours. Straight.)

I've been in my room ever since 12pm and have spoken to a grand total of three people. Please forgive me if I have gone insane by tomorrow.

¿Cómo se dice "taco"?

2010-02-13T14:52:00.001-05:00

First things first: I finally got around to making a header for the blog. Not the greatest thing I've ever made in my life, but I think it works okay. :) I've been meaning to do it forever, so I decided to go ahead and do it now that it's finally THE WEEKEND.

(Insert complete and total happiness here.)

Speaking of the weekend, it's been awhile since I've needed one this bad! Staying true to traditional week-after-Convocation form, this week has been way too stressful for its own good. If this wasn't already true, it definitely is now: I officially hate research papers (see last post for more details). And to think, it was supposed to be a fairly easy paper on something I'm actually interested in. But no--I was still up until after 4am and only that soon because I basically gave up on it. Way to make a good first impression on your professor, me.

The snow yesterday was nice. :) It was the light, powdery kind that didn't really stick to the roads or sidewalks, meaning we didn't have a huge, slushy mess to trek through like we did a couple of weeks ago (though we also got to make a snowman). It was just really pretty and peaceful, which was exactly what I needed. Not great for playing in, but I'm kind of over that at this point anyway. I just want spring. All this cold and cloudiness is getting to me. I need sunshine! And warm weather! And green! Sigh. It'll get here soon enough, I guess. The lack of it is just making life in general kind of blah. Oh well.

In an attempt to make my life a little more interesting, my mom and brother decided to make videos for me. They're completely random, but they made me laugh a lot. Here's one of several:

Yeah, my family is ridiculous. The video served its purpose though--it did make me happy!

Why my brain exploded

2010-02-11T03:31:00.000-05:00

I'm in the middle of writing a research paper for my Social Psychology class that is due at 9:10 tomorrow morning. It's just a 3- to 5-page paper, right? Um, yeah, it is 3:30 in the morning. I've been working on it for 12 hours now. Guess how much I have done? A whole page and a half!

...I'm pretty sure I just died.

My life has a soundtrack.

2010-01-06T02:04:00.003-05:00

I want to know how many songs go through my head on any given day. Like, really. Sunday morning, I was in church and within a span of 5 minutes, I counted ten songs that had popped into my head, based of some random comment within the sermon. Ten. In 5 minutes. That's two songs per minute. There are 1,440 minutes in a day. That's a lot of songs.

The simplest phrases can trigger it. If something I hear is remotely related to a song lyric or song title, my brain will immediately start playing that song. You say the word "down" in pretty much any sentence, and I will almost always hear, "Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?" in my head. Or if I'm driving and someone tells me to take a left, the first thing that goes through my mind is, "To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left..." Or maybe if you tell me to "hold on a second," I hear Jack's Mannequin singing, "So hang on, it's gonna be a hard day. So hang on, don't panic, don't panic; there really is no need..."

It's crazy, really. It doesn't even have to be based off of something that I hear--even things I see can (and often do) trigger this little playlist in my brain. You know that instrument song? There's a scene in You've Got Mail (which I watched a few days ago) where they sing it. This scene, to be exact:

Well, today, I was in the living room with my family, and I happened to see a clarinet on TV. It wasn't even significant; it was some random guy in the background. But what was my immediate first thought? "The clarinet, the clarinet..."

Or that time this summer when it thundered outside, and without even thinking, I started singing, "Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go..." (which is, if you aren't aware, the opening line to the song "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls).

And reading! There is no telling how many songs go through my head then. Today, I was reading a book that had to do with the frontier and such, and it mentioned a "one-horse town." Well, after seeing that, I had "Fearless" by Taylor Swift stuck in my head for awhile ("...In this one-horse town, I wanna stay right here...").

I guess this is what I get for being so musically-minded. To look on the bright side, it's kinda like having a soundtrack to my life. Granted, I'd prefer said soundtrack to not include commercial jingles, but nothing's perfect, right?

* I just realized my roommate did a post sorta similar to this last year...oops.
** I also just realized that my last three posts (including this one) have been strictly about music. The past eleven have included music in some way, shape, or form. Ummm...